Mid Autumn blues......

The moon cakes (月饼) festival is also know as Mid (中) Autumn (秋) Festival (节), or Chung Chiu Jie. Mid Autumn Festival falls on the 15th day of the Eighth lunar month of the Chinese calender. For year 2006, it is on October 6th. Mid Autumn festival is one of the important traditional Chinese festival. This is one significant occasions for Chinese around the world to have family reunion.

As a young boy, I used to observe my mother setting-up temporary altar table with fresh flowers, Menglembu groundnut, moon cake, steam yam, lotus seeds, etc to offer prayer to Chang Er ( the Goddess of Moon ) on this special day. We would then enjoy the moon cakes around the offering table under the bright moonlights. We also enjoy our lighting up and parading special homemade lanterns around the village roads.

My mother used to relate to us the story of how Chang Err steal the elixir of immortality from her tyrannical husband and fled to the moon. I have forgotten most of the story. As a young boy, I actually believed there is a Chang Er living in a beautiful palace in the moon. My mother believed in that too. However, that belief was shattered by the Americans. In 1967, American launched the Apollo13 into the moon, and Neil Armstrong was the first man to step foot on the moon. He planted the American flag on the moon. But Chang Err was not in sight to greet the American explorers.

After the Apollo 13 discovery, my family never offer prayers to the moon and Chang Er anymore on the 15th day of the 8th Lunar month. According to my mother, she is not going to offer prayer to the American flag

How I spend my mid autumn festival this year ? I actually wanted to take my family out for a nice dinner. I end up eating chicken rice at the Taipan's Nam Hiong restaurant. My son was too engrossed playing with his new notebook chatting away in Internet with his girlfriend, and my daughter felt that it is more worthwhile spending the evening with her boyfriend. So, this middle aged man with mid life disorientation actually sitting there quietly eating chicken rice in mid autumn. No moon cake in sight ! My wife indicated too me that my too authoritative and grumpiness causing my children to avoid me. Well, repeating my advices and opinions is consider grumpy ! Hello, since time in memorial, which father is not authoritative and grumpy ?

Despite my too overly westernize education, deep down in me, I am still a cultural moron and chauvinistically a Chinaman at heart. Having said that, I would like to believe that I am also a very democratic and amiable person. Given the choice, I would still prefer my family to assemble in front of me having the meals together and absorbing the lingering laughters. But what can I do, my children are no longer little boys and girls, they have their own lifestyles and priorities, and I have to respect their freedom of choice and movement. I have to let go. Letting go of course is difficult, but I am slowly getting used to it. And, sometimes, I actually enjoy the moments of solitude.

Coming back to moon cakes, do you know, when I was a young boy, 4 pieces of moon cakes actually costs less than RM 1. But now, 4 pieces of moon cakes costs about RM 40, an inflation of 4000% over a period of less than 40 years ! Unbelievable ! But those "blue Chip" ( Lan Chiow ) shares invested 10 years ago at RM 26,000 a lot is now worth less than RM 500 a lot. 20 years ago, my wife used to called me "honey", now she calls me "Ooui". Funny, how values change over a period of times, I indeed do have the best of times, and the worst of times.

I do hope, next year this time, the Indonesians across the Kalimantan has the basic decency of not starting another round of indiscrete open burnings. I hope the air will not be as hazy as this evening. Hopefully, my children will make some efforts to celebrate the moon cakes festival with this grumpy middle aged man. It would really be nice to observe the bright full moon, eating the moon cakes, chewing lotus seeds, and drinking my favorite hot aromatic coffee in the company of my family members. Deep down in me, I am still a sentimental man, balancing differing priorities, trying my utmost best in this sentimental journey to make everyone life easier.

My eyelids are a bit heavy now. May you all have a very happy mid autumn celebrations. Good NiteZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Honour thy art of apologies ?

I am mentally exhausted and tired, but sleep won't come. Okay, I will have to download the misindexed and corrupted data from my brain into this web log. Hopefully, with a defragmented brain, I can say aloha to the beautiful dreamlands awaiting me.

I want to make it clear and very clear that this posting is merely intended to amuse myself and to tire and slow down my brain cells activities which is still in high gear. Sarcasms happens to be my favorite past times. No animals are killed, no bloods are spilled, and honestly, no insults are intended. So, this is perfectly a very healthy acts of mental masturbation. Don't find faults with me. If you insist, may I suggest you find fault with your own kinds ? In another word, don't screw with me, go, go, go screw yourself with your own smelly fingers.

Talking about favorite past times, I observe with real amusements from a little corner of under developed earth, a little nation with a geographical shape of a half cooked potato. A nation full of potato brains. What are the national favorite and politically correct past times of this half past six potato nation ? You guess it right - Apologies Seeking ! Why ? I was given the impression that these people are incapable getting anything done right except seeking apologies to justify their existences.

When Popiah Bend-the-Dick deliver a theology lecture in a far away land, the potato brains are in trance like mimicking zombies, jumping around, swinging from tree to tree, shouting their demands for apologies. That senile old Popiah also once called my religion an erotic fantasy. But I don't get offended, because my religion taught me to ignore ignorant man. They want to talk nonsense, let them talk nonsense lah....
By the way, these potato brains also demand apologies from a Mr Lick Cock You for stating his political observations in a political forum. One scabbied dog starts barkings, the rest of the pea brain cocks also start mimicking the dog's barkings. The worst part is, after a certain period of times, the cocks start to believe that they are Dogs. Those noises are goddamn irritating. Can somebody tell me who let the dogs out ?

After this, maybe we should organize a mass demonstration seeking TALK-SIN to be evicted from his asylumed home in London to come to the potato nation to apologize for selling his ShitCock company to the Kiasu people.

Ok, potato brains hate the Americans. Maybe they should also ask the American people to apologize for their insensitivity of voting in Bush as their President ? Boycott American's Starbucks and boycott anything American's, you said ? I shake my head. Look like Boycotting is going to be another national favourite past times for those low self esteemed people..

Some of the slightly educated potato brains actually fantasizing to be the great Zorro, wearing the mask of Zorro championing and fighting injustices around the world. Out of courteousy, we clapped our hands to acknowledge the clowns. But it is getting to be a bit tired affairs. And it is not funny anymore! The problem is, the original Zorro's mask has two big eye holes. But these potato brains are wearing the make-in-Balacock Zorro's mask with no eye holes ! With that kind masks on, they are nothing but a bunch of ........... With their dirty and tainted swords, ignorant of circumstances, and with blinded vision, they swing the swords blindly in any direction, as long as there is a farting noise. Most of the time, they self inflicting cuts on themselves and innocents bystanders. Guess what, they blamed the world for not being sensitive to their sensitivities.....

You people got nothing better to do kah ?

This kopi-kia may not be that educated. But I have a simple philosophy, "Mind your own business". What happened in other places, what other people do, or what other people said, are really none of our business. Do the right thing in your own home, treat your people fairly and justly, manage the wellfares of people, and the world will accord you with respect.

Come to think of it, we used to be a bunch of apologists, we have progressed. Now, we are nothing but a bunch of grievance seekers with severe inferiority complexities! Usually, grievance seekers are nothing but a bunch of unconsciously incompetent people seeking to jump into any bandwagons to divert away attention of their incompetency and glaring weaknesses. Only fools believe in them. But, but, these world is full of ignorant fools. And, the circus goes on and on....

I do hope one day, the Hindus will not ask me to apologize because I eat beef. Okay, okay, the reason I eat beef is, because it was served to me. I did not know by eating beef, I trespassed into the sensitivity of the Hindus. I regretted and apologize to all Hindu because they do not eat beef.

They said, sarcasm is a form of concealed anger. You are GOD damned right ! I am angry. Angry with what ? Don't be such a naive stupid mental retards !

And God created human beings ? Who created God ? Godfather ? Maybe God is an Italian. No wonder Mario Brando looks like God, and Al Pacino look like messenger of God. Ping ! all this while I am speaking the wrong language to God. I better go learn Italian language, so that, I can communicate better with him......

Before I go to sleep. From the bottom of my heart, and with great respect for your sensitivity. I say, I am sorry.

Good NiteZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Seeking happiness in insanity ?

I do have a very nice and spacious room in my office with a commanding desk custom made according to fengshui measurements. An 8 feet by 4 feet custom made KuanKong ( the famous ancient Chinese warrior ) sculptured art panel to enhance my commanding present in the office. And a nice collections of refined Chinese tea at my disposal to soothe my temperaments. But somehow, I hardly spend more than an hour a day in my room ! My prefer working spot in my office is the bare meeting room. I simply find it more convenient to work from the meeting room where I can called for meetings anytime I want. The bare wall of the meeting room gave me a sense of "space" to allow my mind to perform illogical virtual graffiti to amuse myself. On the serious side, the bare wall also allow me to perform virtual and imaginary focus to practise mental concentrations.

Today is just a another normal working day in the office. With both eyes focusing on the wall, I found a small greying spot measuring probably 1 cm in radius. Silly me, I actually though I can transfer my mental energy and direct it to the small spot and make it disappear ! Nevertheless, I did tried for probably 10 or perhaps 15 minutes. What am I trying to prove ? Logical man attempting illogical stupidity ! The end result is, I did get a pair of strained and tired eyes.

Will I be successful in some other days for my illogical attempts to convert and transfer mental energy into unknown energy manifestations ? Great men think alike, and fools seldom differ.

I am definitely not insane. This is just my little habitual harmless mental diversions to balance conflicting priorities of my not so adventurous life. I actually get amusements from this aimless mental adventurisms. Occasionally, it actually put smiles back on to the hardened muscles of my face mimicking my own stupidities.


I am a sane man in this increasingly insane world. To remain sane, we need to simulate insanity within that six inches between the two temporal points of our heads. otherwise, how do I know whether I am a sane man or whether I exceeded that threshold crossing into insanity ? To become insane, you really need to have a higher level of intelligence that perpetually put your brains activities in locomotions. An insane man is definitely a happy man! And it is positively not easy to be insane. Between Happiness and sanity, an insane man in his right mind would definitely choose not to be saned and remain in a state of perpetual happiness. And the sane man in his right minds choose to work towards unhappiness !

Hmm.... I am actually smiling within myself ranting these illogical nonsenses. I actually found happiness and a sense of mental contentments ! Am I insane ?

Tanjung Rambutan is only less than 3 hours drives from Kuala Lumpur...............

Good nitZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

A soul was lost.........

This week is indeed a very hectic week. There are out of ordinary many project bidding paper to prepare, project deliverables schedules to fulfill, and account receivables to collect to ensure payments to strategic suppliers on times. But that is only the "work" side ! On the home front, there are bills, bills, and more bills to pay. I mean really dig deep in my pocket to pay all those bills. On top of that, there are always the unending family commitment and engagements that need personal attention. Hmmm.. life is tough ! But again, take it humorously, that is my Vipaka due to my previous Karma. In this life, I really need to work that much harder to repay the debts of my previous life's misdeeds. Hopefully, my next life will be easier.

Coming back to reality. I was indeed very sad to read emails in a yahoo eGroup about a lady friend of an eGroup member taking her own life. Sad, perhaps is not the right word to describe my sentiments. I just felt more than sad. Perhaps, a sense of loss even I do not know her. Or perhaps, a complete loss of emotional direction on how to respond to this illogical emotional fragilities. Life is indeed a sad game, at the end of it, nobody gets out alive !

What drives a person into suicide ? What was her state of mind at the moment she her took her life ? I could only assume that, it must be very difficult for her to execute that path that was not predestined. How do normal human being respond when pains and sufferings continuously exceed the emotional and mental capabilities to cope ? Either way, the decision to die or to live is not an easy decision for her. Although life is precious, but she has chosen to terminate her life to relief her pains and sufferings. I can only presume that, it is equally difficult for her close friends and loved ones to cope with that emotional vacuums that she left behind. With folded palm and closed eyes, I pray to the Almighty to bless her soul, and may her friends and loved one be graced with courage accept this finality of life and to let her soul go in peace.

I am sad that she did not reached out to seek help. Maybe, she had tried, but people surrounding her are not observance enough, or are simply hearing without listening. Or perhaps, people surrounding her are ignorant of the seriousness of her pains and sufferings. But whatever it is, she has made a choice. The lesson we learned from this sad episode is, we need to be more attentive, sensitive, and alert to people surrounding us. We need to show more empathy and offer our helping hands when there is a slightest indication that our friends or loved ones are not in the best of emotional conditions.

It takes a lot of courage to make that decision to commit suicide. But suicide is a sinful decision. It is definitely not a wise decision. Suicide may end pains and sufferings to oneself, but it leaves behind a trail for emotional destructions to the deceased's loved ones and friends. Unless you are being possessed by demons or unwelcome spirits, if you ever have suicidal intent, please be more assertive and seek help. Human beings by nature are compassionates and will always lend you a helping hand. You just need to communicate to them more assertively to make them understand your predicaments. For whatever reasons you may have, stress, sickness, financial troubles, depressions, etc. Let me tell this one SIMPLE FACT. These causes or problems are man made, it can be managed, and definitely can be overcome. If you are not able to cope, please seek help ! Suicide can be prevented. If you can hold on to your suicidal intent for a few more days and come out of it alive, you will definitely be stronger. You will be able to help others to avoid this premature termination of life. That shall be recorded in your Book Of Life as Good Karma.

May the Almighty bless her soul. May you be blessed with courages and determinations to meet life obstacles with wisdom. May you be blessed with humility and generosity to extend your helping hands to those in need of help.

Om mani padme hum. Om namo Amithaba Buddha.
Good Nite............

Rantings from within......

So many priorities, and too little times to manage. It is really absurd to even to think of the idea of prioritizing the priorities. The management gurus who advocated the idea of time management probably got the light bulbs lighted at the wrong place. Anyway, that restlessness in dealing with sequential processing of priorities is getting to my nerves. I simply lost my burning desires and passions for multi-tasking parallelism. I am simply not what I used to be ! Is age catching up ? Too much junk foods? Or simply, the environment is just too stressful to get any meaningful work done ? Too many questions but no real answers! I think I am also getting very subverted, deluded, and at the same time spiritually awared of my state of being. I think I am SERIOUSLY in need of a SERIOUS BREAK to BREAK AWAY from this man made INSANITY.

Looking at the mirror, is that reflection really me ? Hey, what happened to you ? Do I still know you ? How come my left is on your right ? Why are you look at me in such a demonic way ? Are you the reflections of my perverted side ? Why the cynical smiles ? I am the good side, you are only the reflection, you are not real ! You want to control me ? Come get me brother ! I am tired, you can be what you want to be. Take this body as the vehicle for all your naughty expressions. I really don't mind. Really. When I want it back, I will let you know.

How nice, if life is not bounded by rules and reciprocal actions. I just want to be irresponsible for the remaining part of my life ! Can I ? For a start, maybe, everybody should learn how to take care of me rather than otherwise. Maybe, I should be given the unlimited vocals to shout out "I don't CAE !" It would be really nice to have the circumstances that everybody owed me a living ! I just wonder..... But come to think of it, this state of being sounds like a tormented man attempting to experiment hedonism. Erotic redemption of craved desires ? Not me, Not me... Go away, you demonic instigator !

But again, if you were to assemble 10 equally attractive and sexually desirable women in front of me, and ask me to have my pick. What will be my choice ? First thing first, put me in this situation, and my pecker will ris e to the occasions! Subsequent questions. Why should I just pick one ? why can't I have it all ? After all, they are all available for the picking. Wouldn't it be nice if I can just start my harlem and experimenting the the techniques of kamasutra for the rest of my life ? Why should I carry on with this fatalistic life journey of responsibilities, moralities, and reciprocities ? Is pleasures seeking less important than the purpose ? God, you are very funny and sadistic. Why you misguided sane man like me to think that pleasures seeking is a cardinal sins ? Why attachment for desires for pleasures are equated with causes for sufferings ?

Or was it that I am approaching my mid-life crisis ? In woman, they called it menopause ( pronounced as Man Old Must Pause). In man, what do they called it, Andropause ? Both words end with the verb, PAUSE. So, take the meaning of the word literally and take a PAUSE in life ? PAUSE ? that would be a sure ticket to Coffin sniffing. Or should I change direction and let the little naughtiness in me to dictate my remaining journey ? God, I really need to take a HIKE to the good doctor office to test my testerone level ? Or am suffering Androgen Deficiency in Aging Man, in Short, ADAM. ( as in Adam and EVE ). Or should I worry about the anxiety of the possibility of testerone deficiencies ?

But I am still young, funny, why should sign a post dated cheque to the doctor now and enriched his future incomes ? Do I really need to go to the doctor to find out whether I have the symptoms of ADAM such as diminished interest in sex, erectile dysfunction, depression and fatigue ? I know for sure my little pecker can still rise to the occasion, and I can still manage it for sexual satiation. So, the good question I need to ask myself is, am I suffering from depression and uncontrollable fatigue ? No. No ? But then again, why am I in this state of unknown fear and anxieties ? Fears ? Because some of the dreams and aspiration of my youth are not likely to be attained ? Anxieties ? Because, I am yet to complete my master project of a life time that guaranteed financial comforts to my loved ones ? Nevermind. I think I already know my temporary state of insanity......

Erotic redemption ? Not a bad idea ! The idea of conformity to standard parameters of morality and righteousness is by itself another form of pervertism and abuse of human rights to inflict self denials of delicious delusions. Maybe, I Should let my deviant side take control of me......, Master Vatsyayana, here I come. Desires shall be the essence of this mortal man. Tonite, I shall be your disciple in your Nibbana of love. Savanaka, Malakka, Traivikrama, Sammukha, svastika, or whatever. I shall take the shots. Me worry not and me care not.

Forgive me God, leave me alone tonite in my erotic aphorism and euphorism. Tomorrow, I shall assume my serious conformity of your sutta. And, life goes on in this demented dualism of body and mind...... or was it body over mind ?