Round Two : beginning of another challenge.....

Yesterday's blood test result does not meet my first treatment regime's objective of bringing down the cancer markers readings. I realized, when dealing with cancer, I simply does not have the luxury of time to prolong this alternative treatment. I must now consider another new strategy to counter the cancerous cells. However, all efforts incurred during the first treatment regime are not wasted. At least, it miraculously solved my WPW syndrome. I sincerely like to thank my “medicine man” for curing my WPW syndrome.

Coming back to the cancer treatment, I revisited all my options again taking into considerations of my family members' advises and opinions. As it is, I realized, the tumor is too large to be surgically removed, and it involved too many complications and risks. Therefore, for the time being, surgical procedure is not the best option.

I had also consulted an Oncologist and was recommended to go for 6 rounds of chemotherapy and radio therapy to reduce the size of the tumor. After which, If the size f the tumor is reduced, I will have to make a decision to consider surgical removal. The chemotherapy will be administered once every three weeks. One session of the chemotherapy will costs approximately RM 5,000. The first session is scheduled on Monday. So “Round Two” would probably costs me another RM 30,000.

I never have any experiences dealing with chemotherapy, and I have also heard of many scary stories on the side effects of chemotherapy. Whatever it is, if this is the necessary obstacles I have to go through, then so be it. The best I can do now is to mentally prepare myself to be ready for these unpleasant eventualities, if there are any.

It has been an eventful three weeks for me. Whatever decision I am going to make, I have to take into considerations of the feelings and wishes of my family members. To decide on adopting chemotherapy is also an extremely difficult decisions. I do sincerely hope my family members and friends can support this latest decision of mine.

I also realized, while I can do whatever that is humanly possible to fight against this disease, the outcome is still very much depend on the grace of the one and powerful Almighty. In this regards, I submit and surrender myself to him. I pray that, he will make a way for me in my quest to rid cancerous cells from my body.

Please do continue to pray for me............

The fight is still on.... Round One Revisited.

I got my blood test result today. Sad to note that, the readings for cancer markers actually gone up. So, looks like I lost Round One. Well, as in a boxing match, there are still 14 more rounds to go, unless I am prematurely KO before the bell ring. Whatever it is, I will give those funny mutants a fight, and I will never allow myself to be floored.

Frankly, I am a bit disappointed with the blood test result. But, I know, I have not lost the battle yet. It is still a long road ahead. The mutants have managed to fell a little tree in my garden, but I still have a forest behind me. I will have to quickly revisit my strategy over the next 24 hours, and revised my “business plan” to counter attack those stubborn mutants in my body. I will find a way to condition myself to win.

For the next few hours, I will ex-communicate myself, find a quiet place to seek peace within, and to re-energize my mind and body. Perhaps, I need also to seriously look into spiritual guidance to make sense of my present perspective.

Although I am already a salmon on reverse journey home, but to allow the mutants to force me to abandon my journey in mid-stream is not my destiny. I shall overcome this little setback, I know, I will.

So, Round Two, HERE I COME.

Om Namo Amithaba Buddha...... Om Vajrapani Hum...

The fight is still on.... Round Two.

Finally, I completed my treatment regime yesterday. I went for the blood test today. Hopefully, the result will be out tomorrow or Thursday. Looking back, during the last 19 days, I consumed 22 bottles of medications, on vegetable and fruit juices diets, and strictly no animal fat, sugar, etc. In the process, I lost another 10 Kg of weight, I am now 75kg. Comparing with my previous weight of 100+ Kg, that is a substantial weight lost. I have never consumed so much medicine and lost so much weight in my entire life. Can I count it as an achievement ? That funny fella up there does indeed has a great sense of perverted humors.

For the next few days, I am on “medical holiday”. That means, no medications for the next few days. I am beginning to have phobia for medicine. Whatever it is, I will wait for my blood test result before I commit myself to any treatment decision. Hopefully, I don't have to go through another round of treatment regime.

I missed my favorite foods and beverages. Talking about beverages, I really missed my favorite cup of hot coffee. It has been more than 2 months since I last have a sip of coffee........

Coffee prayer

Almighty Coffee,
thy aroma drives me crazy.
Where art thou shall lead me ?
The road ahead is, but insanity.
With addicted stupidity,
how can I tell me where it will be ?

Caffeine, oh caffeine,
how can I understand thee ?
What is, is not what seemed to be.
Let the world hurried by,
let the world stand still.
I am,
elusively what I seemed not to be.
The desires to be intoxicated by thee,
does in fact pleases my senses,
of not to be, and yet seemingly be.

I know,
I may not have knowledge of the road ahead.
Carpe diem !
With a sip of your greatness,
you deliver the sereneness to my senses,
to be at peace with myself for the time being,
to soothe my fears and troubles alone.
Tomorrow shall come, but let it be.

From here, with a cup of thee,
Tell me, is there eternity ?
Answer me not,
for the answer lies within me.
With my bended knee,
I am, but Saint Coffee !

On Namo Amithaba Buddha...... Om Vajrapani Hum...

Another week gone by, looking back....

Today is Sunday, as usual, I had my daily “morning walk” for about an hour, then came back home to start my first oral medication at 7:00AM. My daily schedule for medication is 7:00AM, 9:00AM, 10:00Am, 11:00AM, 1:00PM, 3:00PM, 7:00PM, 8:00PM, and 10:00PM. Today is the 18th day of my treatment regime.

My abdominal pains has ease slightly, but my back pain is still persistently uncomfortable. I do hope this discomfort can ease off over the nest few days. I am still optimistic that the situation will improve in due course. I just have to believe and have faith in whatever I do now.

Reflecting on the week that was, I do realized, my decision to adopt alternative treatment is not well accepted by some of my family members. My sister sent me a strongly worded email day before yesterday asking me not to be so stubborn to refuse immediate surgical procedure to remove the tumor. She also reminded me of how my mother died of cancer. To her, alternative medicine is hocus pocus and unscientific. I respected her opinion, I know she loves me very much, and do not want to see me suffer from cancer without proper evidence based medical treatment. Over the past few weeks, everybody have gave me advises and suggestion, I know, all of them meant well and care for my well being. But I am responsible for my own life, I have made my decision based on facts available to me. I will definitely review my decision on what other best options to pursue taking into consideration of my present treatment's progress. One thing sure, I will fight to win, and I will not give up easily. I valued life and I will not let anybody down.

Honestly, the memories of how my mother passed away is indeed the most painful memories of my life. I saw how her well built body was slowly destroyed and frailed by cancer. My mother passed away 15 years ago, but as I go through this dreaded illness, everyday, I am reminded of her sufferings and painful memories. I definitely do not want my loved one and family members go through this emotional experiences again.

Occasionally, with the finality of death hanging over your head, I do experience a lot of pressure dealing with my daily life. Believe me, it is not an easy stuff of self motivation of staying cheerful and positive. Whatever it is, I will not allow the negative energies of pains and uncertainty dissipate out to affect the emotional well being of my wife and children. I know, from now on till I win my battle, I have to held my head high to fight this disease with dignity. I believe, when there is a will, there is a way. I shall willed myself to seek all available resources to confront and seek the best curative actions. Letting death becoming me is definitely not an option. My time is not up yet !


Next Tuesday, I will go for my blood test to measure my performance. The pathological result will probably be out on Thursday. Until then, I will take one thing at a time, and decide my next course of action then.

On Namo Amithaba Buddha...... OmVajrapani Hum...

Another day gone by, looking forward....

Today is the 16th day of my treatment regime. I have lost counts of how many tablets or capsules of medication I consumed on daily basis. Probably around 40 to 50 a day ! These medications taste horrible. I guess that is the price I got to pay for not keeping a healthy lifestyle and diet. If I ever get well again, I will make sure I will keep my body in good physical condition.

I had been also suffering from Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome for many years, where there is an accessory pathway in my heart that produce undesirable pulses. The doctor once did told me that I run the risk of sudden death. This syndrome has been a cause of unpleasant emotional burden to me for many years. The surprising thing is, the heart specialist ran a test on me about a week ago, and confirmed that I am already cured of Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome ! What a miracle. Perhaps, all the kind prayers by family members and friends touched the grace of the Almighty. I guess, the Almighty did love me. I also want to thank my “medicine man” for prescribing the right alternative treatment for me over the previous two weeks.

Coming back to my tumor, I do hope the current regime of alternative treatment worked this time, and I also hope the Almighty can grant me another miracle. Anyway, I should know the result by mid next week. Whatever it is, I will shoulder on with the right diets and schedule for medications. They said, God only helps those who help themselves. In this regards, I have to have faith and fully committed to this treatment regime. Whatever it is, I leave it to the Almighty to decide the outcome and the curative actions that are needed in the future.

Time flies, I had been “out-of-work” for approximately 2 months now. I am now having a very unhealthy financial position and I am running on “Overdraft” facility now. It is indeed an expensive affair to fell sick. Money don't fall down from heaven, I need to get back to work as soon as possible. Hopefully, by end of next week, I should be in better physical condition to look into and manage my financial position.

Coming back to my physical health, I do believe, the long rest and medication has done me a lot of good. In spite of the frequent abdominal and back pain, I am actually more alert and healthier. Of course, I do suffered from frequent frustrations and occasional negative feelings dealng with the ups and downs, but I have come to term with this new reality, and I am coping well. Whatever it is, I shall overcome.

That's life.............