City in the Heaven ?

This mind is alert,
with a spirit that is still strong.
Oh Almighty, be with me,
for the determination is slowly dying,
and this temple is too run down for the holy spirits....

August month,
reminds me of the falling maple leaves.
Those beautiful golden yellow maple leaves,
I used it as bookmarks, and they gave me a sense of serenity,
of man's poetic appreciation of the finality of nature.
In death, would we be able to leave behind a natural legacy,
to be appreciated by those who come after us ?

The clock within my heart ticks,
reminding me of life slowly turning yellow,
just like the fallen golden yellow maple leaves.
Sooner or later, the desire to fight shall withered.
And the body shall be too lame to march on,
in this so called journey of life.
And eventually, would I be a bookmark in memories....

I lived a good life with no regret.
But now I see a future shrouded in haze,
the sounds of burial chants ring in my ears from a far distant.
I now see the calmed open arm of the wide sea beyond the river mouth.
Is there where the promised city of the Almighty reigns ?


Oh Almighty,
as I walk this challenging journey,
would you help, heal, and bless along the traveled path ?
Let there be no more pains and sufferings,
and let my soul return to that promised blessed abode......

The thing called cancer....

This journey,
a road that has been traveled by many,
but never survived.

This journey,
is also a road that less traveled by many,
but never comprehend.

This journey,
a journey into my soul,
a road to discover what I am made of.
If this journey is cut short,
Could I still claim victory with pride and dignity ?


This is a journey through the valley of the death,
an ultimate challenge for the brave and steadfast soul.
In the illusion of my mind,
I saw fiery fire, red skies, and sea of blood.
The bitter winds whisper my name,
urging me to give up and abandon the journey,
to take the short cut to the tempting paradise.

Mama was waving at me,
She said,
“Son, you have gone thru' enough.
Come home, to take your needed rest”

But I know, this is not a journey to paradise,
for the heavenly paradise is a place I am not ready for !
I still have my purpose on earth.
I still want to see my children have families of their own,
I still want to hold my children's children on my lap...
I know, time is running out,
but I will hold on to my last breath,
'till my wish come true...

Fighting Cancer ?

One year ago, my weight was 102Kg, this is me now, my weight has been reduced to less than 60 Kg ! My spirit is still strong, my mind is still alert, but, my body has been physically degraded due to various injection, consumption, exposure to chemical abuses and radiation. Do you think I can still win this battle against CANCER ?

I will, I will, for now.......

Oh Almighty, you made a lot of promises, but did you fulfilled them ? I think you are one hell of a funny pervert......

Anti ISA Demonstration in Kuala Lumpur

"Oh God, please help us," one of the mothers was heard calling out. About a few metres away from her was a young man with blood all over his head, cut by the tear gas canister that hit him. - Malaysian Insider


Home Minister Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Hussein, in an immediate reaction to the rally, showed no sympathy towards those brutalised by the police, saying they had been forewarned not to join the rally. -- Malaysian Insider

Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Datuk Seri Nazri Aziz said there was no way the government was going to repeal the ISA, declaring that "as long as BN rules, the law stays." - Malaysian Insider


Cry, My Beloved Country, CRY !!!!!!

Bits & Bytes (8)

I completed 30 sessions of 3DCRT last week. As a follow-up, I consulted th doctor today on my next course of action.

The good news is, the blood test result showed a further drop of the CA19.9 marker from 2899 to 1970. A drop of 32%. The negative sign is, my weight now has gone below 60kg. Compared to my previous weight of 102kg, I have lost almost 50kg over period of one year. Hmmm..... Almost half of me has gone, I am indeed not half the man I used to be. I guess I need to go to the departmental store to buy new clothes !

Anyway, I do hope the CA19.9 marker can continue to drop to within normal rang soon. And, I am also equally hopeful that, the latest marker reading is an indication of the reduction in size of the tumor.

The doctor has recommended that I take a one month “break” in receiving treatment. I will be admitted to the hospital again at end of August 2009 for further medical procedure such as CT Scan, Lab diagnostic, etc. to assess my status and to plan for next round of strategy. For the time being, the good doctor told me that everything is under control, and I should make use of the month long break to enjoy whatever I want to do.

I have gone through seven rounds of intravenous chemotherapy, 4 months of targeted drugs, one round of alternative treatment protocol, and as well as the recent combination of oral chemo together with radiation therapy. I know, all these treatments, medications, and procedures during the last 12 months have inflicted heavy damages on my body. Not wanting to sound pessimistic, but the rational side me has the expectation that the road ahead is not going to be any more easier than my current state of uncertainty. What I can do now is not to b too anxious of what lies ahead, but rather to take stock of my current situation, and get myself ready for the battle ahead. What I really need to do now is to arrest my declining weight and strengthen my body over the next 30 days or so, so that I am physically fit to combat those nasty mutant cells again when the I resume my next treatment protocol in about a month's time.

Looking back, I used to take pride in myself for having control and always in the driver seat for whatever I want to do. While my mind is still alert and my spirit is still strong, but physically, this cancer thingy has slowly and surely inflicted degradations on my body. I fainted a few times while doing a simple chores like climbing the stairs, and even fell down while walking because I lost control of my left leg. A man is suppose to be the pillar of the family, I really do not want to lose my dignity by becoming a burden to my family members. I guess the only way for me to overcome this unwelcome situation is by having greater determination and will to win this battle against my present chronic illness. I hope the Almighty does not forsake me again, but to give me the guidance and strength to overcome the challenges ahead.

So, what am I going to do during this “medical break” ? Well, I will do some traveling, write my journal, and sharpening my photography skills. Perhaps, I will take this opportunity to live life as it is, one day at a time, smell the flowers, and appreciate the creations of the Almighty.

Praise the Lord, and may all beings be well and healthy........