The previous two weeks or so, I had been affected by severe pains, discomforts, occasional constipations, and my appetite for foods was also affected. To make thing worst, too many spiritual advises also made me emotionally disturbed where I unnecessary lapsed into fear of the unknowns. I realized, when you lived in fear, you live life no longer, and there is no dignity to live a life of fear.
I made a decision not to attend church meetings, cut down visits from visitors, or any meeting that potentially can lasts more than half an hour, because it is very uncomfortable physically to sit through any meeting. My strategy is to have a quiet environment where I can have peace of mind, undisturbed, to contemplate my next course of actions. In the past, I used to received friends who are over jealous with their religious belief, advising me to surrender my faith to God, and the do's and don'ts. I am not disillusion with the power of the Almighty. But I do not think, one can just shout prayers after prayers, and irresponsibly leave our destiny to the Almighty to determine. I am responsible for my body, it is up to me to seek the best medical care to cure my illness.
To fight cancer, there are three fronts I need to explore – Body, Mind, and Spirit. I need to keep my body strong by ensuring my body is nourished with rights foods and exercises. I also need to consult medical experts on the medications and treatment strategies. With regards to Mind, I need to keep my mind free of negative thoughts, stay positive, and instill a will to overcome difficulties. Most important of all, I need to stay calm, not unduly anxious to confront events that unfold around me, just be a passive observer, and let thing happened and let them be. On the spiritual front, I acknowledge the power of the Almighty, having faith in the Almighty will definitely sooth my disturbed mind, but I also believe that the Almighty will only help those who help themselves. I will do all that are within my capabilities to seek treatments, and have a clear mind to make logical decisions. At the end of the day, if the Almighty wants to forsake me, then so be it, it is HIS prerogative. The important thing is, when all options are exhausted, I am accountable to myself, and I know, I have fought a good fight to regain my health, and I lived a life of dignity.
Times and again, I had friends who indirectly hinted to me that, the reason I am not healed yet is because my faith in the Almighty is not strong enough, where I need to surrender my self to the Almighty and forget about medical treatment. Well, it is not end of the road yet, people can make any conclusions they want, but it is my life. My faith in the Almighty is a personal relationship. The God within me is more powerful than the Gods fantasized by all those hypocrites. My illness is a consequent of my weakened immune system and my previous lifestyle, it has nothing to do with the Almighty. I had put myself in this messy medical situation, it is now up to me to resolve these issues logically. If I rely on the mercy of the Almighty and ignore the treatment options, at the end of the day, if I am not healed, can I blame the Almighty for false hope and promises ?
Life is tought and full of obstacles, but come to think of it, without all those bitter experiences, would we able to taste the sweetness of life ? It is through the difficult patches of life that we gained wisdom to live a meaningful life of no regrets. I count my blessing that I have a wonderful family and good friends who supported me during these difficult period. I also count my blessing that I still have an alert and sound mind to make logical decision.
Praise the Lord....
