A betrayal of trust.....

On March 8 2008, Malaysians went to the polling stations nationwide to vote in a stronger oppositions in the parliament, and as well as putting the Pakatan Rakyat to form state government in Perak, Kedah, Selnagor, Kelantan, and Penang.

Since March 8 2008, Malaysians have been bombarded with politicians pre-occupying political stunts to cause further hardships to all Malaysians. We have the so called Pakatan Rakyat of DAP, PKR, and PAS trying their level best to engineer defection or cross over to form the federal government. While the Barisan Nasional is also trying their level best to convince Pakatan Rakyat's lawmakers to switch camp to regain the control of the state governments. While the political tug-of-war is going on, Malaysia economy suffer unrivaled deteriorations. I do wonder whether it ever crossed the minds of these politicians to have the moral decency, patriotic belongings, and political correctness to respect the mandate given to them to govern and as well as to act as opposition in a responsible manners. I guess, some of these politicians are basically a bunch of uncultured hooligans infested with shameless greeds for power and barbaric racist intents.

If I recalled the sentiments of the pre March 8 2008 euphoria, Malaysians basically wanted the country to have a strategic posture of modern and progressive Malaysia for all Malaysians irregardless of race, ethnicity, and religions. In short, Malaysians want to be addressed as Malaysians instead of Malaysian Indonesian, Malaysian Chinese, Malaysia Indian, Kadazan, Iban, etc. championed by the racially divisive political parties. The March 8 2008 elections results dealt heavy blows to the race based political parties, and rippled the signals that Malaysians are now ready and is at the threshold of discarding racial politics, but sadly, the political parties are not ready to embrace this new aspirations. Sad to note that, some political parties are now resorting to misinterpret the constitution to champion narrow minded racial rights to perpetuate racial agenda to sustain their relevancy.

Recently, a group of about 300 narrow minded pariahs stormed a legitimate open forum organized by the Bar Council because they claimed that the supremacy of their religion is being questioned. If a religion is so supreme, can a open and civil forum organized by mortal beings to discuss constitutionality degrade its supremacy ? It goes to show that, narrow minded idiots will always resort to whatever available avenues to champion their hooliganism and indecency. Do Malaysians have to suffered because a group of uncultured hooligans felt that it is their rights to deny the rights of others ? The saddest part is, some political leaders from the Pakatan Rakyat seemed to be the most vocal and abusive in the gang of 300 hooligans who halt the forum. If I remembered it correctly, Pakatan Rakyat is supposed to be a multi racial party. It does gave me an impression that, PR is an opportunist and insincere party willing to ride on racist agenda and narrow minded religion intolerances to gain popularity. I do sincerely hope, PR can come out strongly to reprimand its members who disrupt the legitimate open forum, otherwise, the NON Muslim voters in Permatang Pauh should express their disapproval by voting against PKR in the coming by-elections. Malaysians should exercise their rights to rid political party who practice Cakap Tak Serupa Bikin !

In the March 8 2008, I voted for PKR and DAP. Looking at current circumstances, I think I made a mistake. I was blinded by the arrogance of the BN and fell into the trap of the so called Pakatan Rakyat. If there is a by-election in my area again, I swear in the name of my late father, I will not waste my vote on these strange opportunistic bedfellows !

I am sicked and tired of those bastards and pariahs who seemed to have insatiable thirst to discriminate and impose their narrow mindedness on others based on religion and race. I guess, these uncultured pariahs always felt that it is alright for them to discriminate others, and the rest of civil minded people must continued to observe and accord the sensitivity to these barbarians in order to live peacefully and harmoniously.

Well, what else can I say ? With their mind filled with piss, may piss be upon them, and may they live in piss !

Om Namo Amithaba Buddha....

Friday night's reflections.....

I have not been in the best of health for the past one month or so, I guess this is basically part and parcel of growing old. I like to think that, as you grow older, you become wiser, but in the process of becoming a wiser man, degenerative body parts malfunctions slowly creeps in to test your faith and confidence.

I hate to visit the doctors. But what choice do I have, when ill health set in, visitation to the doctors are necessary evils. Sometimes, I do have a creepy feeling whenever the so called specialists have funny and strange specializations. For example, gastroenterology, urology, cardiology, etc. My God, modern medicine is such, they actually have specialists for everybody parts ! It is not uncommon that, when you checked into a hospital, you will be ding-dong among various specialists. At the end of the day, if your illness or disease don't kill you, the hospital bill will.

Honestly, I would like to grow old gracefully. I do hope ill health will not become part of the burden of growing old. As much as I need support from my family members to manage ill health, the rational side of me also dictate that I should not be a burden to my family members. Sometimes, I do felt it is better for me to keep the state of my health to myself and manage it within my sensibility, rather than causing unnecessary worries to others. I do believe, I have the mental strength and emotional stability to manage whatever that are degenerative and unwelcome. The rest, I leave it to the almighty to decide and dictate.

I have been having disturbed sleeps and woke up extremely early, sometimes as early as 4:00am in the morning, over the past few weeks. Usually I will go downstairs to the living room, tuned the radio for some soft music to listen. Looking at the positive side, I actually did enjoy the solitude in the early morning. Those serene solitudes gave me the opportunities to reflect upon life in my younger days. Honestly, I lived a humbled and down-to-earth life with beautiful children and a supportive wife, I sincerely have no regret in my life. It is a life well lived by any standard. And I will continue to live life as it is. Life may be tough in the days ahead, but who cares ? I always believe, I am tougher than life.


Of course, in my life, there are many times I felt betrayed by people I cared and loved. But those experiences did make me emotionally stronger and more appreciative of people who showered me with sincerity. I realized, whatever negative things that happened are not going to change. I must accept the reality of the past events, and move forward to let go the pain by embracing the future. What worth is revenge when we are burdened with hatreds and consciously causing hurts to others with negative energies ? I have learned to let go of the pain by becoming more forgiving. I guess, this is the wisdom gained as I aged. I am now beginning to understand certain actions of my late parents. The more I tried to be a man on my own, the more I am becoming them. Well, the seasonality of life does comes in cycles.

Tomorrow morning, whatever it may, in sickness or in good health, I would like to smell the flowers, and, life goes on................

Om Mani Pedme Hum. Good NiteZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.............

Death be not proud ?

A Journey,
on a road
that was so bumpy,
on a path
that was less traveled.
My dream, my dream,
so near, yet so far.
When would I be able
to rest my tired body ?

At times,
my dreams went wandering,
on a garden
that seemed so transitory
and yet
withered in vain glory.......
My maker,
what is the purpose of life ?

I see a promised land,
that is so strange and cold.
It is so far,
yet it is only a breath away.....

As my strength withered,
what I inscribed in my heart,
would I be able to carry forth ?
Would my love and deeds
forever sparkles, shines, and wraps
the people I love ?
Will they understand the tears I shed ?

All those strange language,
that has been whispered into my ears,
I fear not.
I know, when death come,
there shall be peace.

Fragment from the past............

I remembered, many years ago, I rented a small single storey house in Sri Petaling at a rental of RM 280 per month, and my office was located in downtown Kuala Lumpur. As a result, I was a frequent user of the old Sri Petaling and Kuala Lumpur trunk road.

During those days, my salary was barely enough to cover my monthly expenses, but I managed. And, I felt lucky to at least have a job. I did work hard because I do not want to lose my job. Most of the times, I worked past normal office hours. Usually, by the time I am on the road home, it was probably around 10:00PM.

Thinking of those days does bring back some “pleasurable” memories.

I am not saying that the Police is corrupted. However, I do encountered many little experiences dealing with corrupted police personnel on the road. Without fail, if my memory served me right, every week, there would be at least one or two incidences of my vehicle being flagged down by the police during the night while I traveled from office to home. And usually, the policeman accused me of speeding ( even though I am cocksure that I am not speeding ), and it is always theirs words against mine. The police man will always end up asking me : “Mau Selesai ? “ ( which means – do you want to settled ? ). To cut a long story short, “selesai” here means you end up folding two RM10 notes, tucked in between your Driving license and National Identification Card, then passed it to the policeman. The police man will somehow expertly removed the money between the two cards, then return the cards to you. You are then free to carry-on with your drive home.

What if I refuse to “Selesai” with the policeman ? I did ask them this question before because I know I did not commit any traffic violation. The police man impressed upon me that, if I don't pay – up, they will escort me to the police station to make life miserable for me. Well, when you are tired and wanted to go home eagerly to rest, there is no point arguing with those uniformed bastards. I always paid up. Mind you, I am so experienced with this frequent encounters that I always keep 2 pieces of RM10 notes in my car compartment. Whenever I was stopped by the police on the same stretch of road, right or wrong, as soon as I wind down the window, I will just handover my diving license and National Identification Card together with RM20 in between to the policeman. Within minutes, the policeman will ask me to move on so that they can preyed on the next “victims”.

Sometimes, I end up paying more than RM 200 a month to those bastards in order to have a smooth passage home. I told myself, this can't go on indefinitely, and there must be a cheaper alternative. Bingo, I did found out a cheaper alternative ! I went to the Chinese shop specializing in selling joss sticks, etc to buy a few stack of “Hell Notes”, folded them carefully to make them look like RM 10 notes.

On the next incidence I was stopped by the police, I confidently slipped the Hell Notes between my cards and passed it to the police. Surprisingly, they just accept it and let me move on. Before I start my car engine, I always say a silent prayer, the prayer goes something like this “may you bastard have the early opportunity to use the note in hell”. Miraculously, after 2 further incidences, I was never stopped by police again. Buddha does work in a miraculous way. I presumed those uniformed bastards either never dare to station themselves on that stretch of trunk road to demand bribes, or they already end up in hell with a bundle of useless hell notes !


Thinking back, those early incidences do ingrained a negative perception of our police force in my mind. Until today, I do have my doubt on the integrity and honesty of the police force. Whatever they said, I will have to take their words with many pinches of salts.

Whatever it is, I guess, my prayer and my little creativities does work ! The moral of the story is, do not wronged a Buddhist, you may end up in hell !

Namo Amithaba Buddha.....................

Moving on ?

The week that was has been eventful and tiring. Work wise, the environment in the office has been a source of constant irritants. I had been planning to change the office business model in anticipation of handover in early 2009. I figured, the best way for me to exit is to reposition the company, simplify process, and evolve a new business model. In the process of doing so, it caused some instability among personnel. I am amazed that for such a small office, there are so much politics. I guess, in any office, at times, different priority and different expectation do give rise to unhealthy office politics.

Over the past one month or so, I had a staff who has been taking half day leave to attend job interview elsewhere. As a management personnel, I believe it is the rights of the staff to seek job elsewhere to upgrade his career. As the Chinese saying goes, it is better for me to “close one eye”, and approve whatever leave the staff need, to attend whatever job interview he can secured. I even gave good references to that particular staff. I honestly believed the particular staff is incapable to be trained due to his limited technical skills, lack of initiative, and indiscipline. I just do not want to waste my my time with him because I do not think he can fit into the new business model. I figured, it is better for me to invest in new people than to cultivate tolerance to problem personnel.

In “closing one eye”, I regretted that I had indirectly contributed to the negative working environment in the office. The particular personnel developed the arrogance of insubordination thinking that he is indispensable to the company. He even approach my administration department to open brag about his job interview and impose himself to demand salary increment. Stupid fella barking at the wrong wall to seek salary increment, and in the process, created unneccessary animosity for himself. As far as I am concerned, I will only adjust compensation package based on performance evaluation and direct frank discussions. For the time being, I am in no mood to award uncommitted personnel. And definitely, I am in no mood to retain people who I believe no longer fit into my new business plan. I had been in this industry for so many years, I am definitely confident to believe that nobody is indispensable. So, I call the personnel up to have a friendly discussion to seek his agreement to resign. Because, I honestly believed it would be much better off for him to move on his career with other organization. Not a bad discussion after all, a win – win situation, he agreed to resign, and I have one less hindrance in my new business plan.

Like I said before, I am a salmon on reverse journey. I just want to make my simpler and easier. I had made up my mind to handover the company in 2009, I will do the necessary to make my exit easier, whoever stand in my way will be subtly removed – without stress, without fear, and definitely without tears.

Looking at things as it is, I guess I am way out of schedule, but I will manage and adapt to move on. I will take on the problem one day at a time, whatever will be, will be.

Now less digress a bit, I received a cute email on Saturday morning from a friend. Well, the content of the email does bring me back to my senses of humanity. Here goes the content of the email :

I will be there.

If one day you feel like crying,
Call me.
I don't promise that I will make you laugh,
But I can cry with you

If one day you want to run away--
Don't be afraid to call me.
I don't promise to ask you to stop...
But I can run with you

If one day you don't want to listen to anyone...
Call me.
I promise to be there for you.
And I promise to be very quiet.

But if one day you call...
And there is no answer...
Come fast to see me.
Perhaps I need you.

Namo Amithaba Buddha, Good NiteZZZZZZzzzzzzzz.......