Bits & Bytes (7)

Finally I completed 30 sessions of 3DCRT over a period of six weeks. After the radiation therapy this morning, I went to the hospital lab to have blood sample taken for blood test. Hopefully, the blood test result can be ready for my next weekly consultation with the doctor.

I will have to go for another round of CT scan some times in September 2009 to assess the performance of th radiation therapy. My appointment with the doctor next week is to discuss on the maintenance strategy while awaiting the CT scan. Hopefully, the doctor I don't have to for another round of chemotherapy again !

Although I completed my last radiation therapy session today, but somehow, I do not feel relief or happy that the whole treatment protocol is over. Back in my mind, I am thinking, what next ? What other endurance tests, anguish, or frustrations I have to go through again ? Well, dealing with this cancer thingy is such a horrible and painful affair. There are simply too many uncertainties to deal with. So far, I believe I have dealt with all these emotional and physical issues with certain level of dignity, but I do wonder, how much more longer I can hold on dealing with all those frustrations and uncertainties. I thank the Almighty for giving me the strength to live on and move on with life..

When I was first diagnosed with this illness, one of my main worry is me being not able to see my son finish his college education. But by the grace of Almighty, he managed to complete his undergraduate course on schedule, and started his career in a software house. I look forward to attend my son convocation to mark a milestone into is adulthood. My son's convocation is in mid August 2009. I guess, the right thing for me to do now is to find a way to built up my physique and weight so that I won't look like a walking skeleton during his graduation ceremony. I want him to have good memory of his father in a healthy frame rather than having a picture with a frailed and sicked looking father. I have 3 more weeks to go to gain the needed extra weight. I hope I can look healthy again at his graduation ceremony.


May all beings be well and healthy........

Bits & Bytes (6)

Today, I received my 28th session of 3DCRT. 2 more sessions to go before I complete this treatment protocol. Time flies, it's been almost six week of radiation therapy and oral chemo for me. What next ? Well, I got to complete the remaining 2 sessions, go for the blood test, then consult the good doctor next week on the next best strategy to combat those nasty cancer cells.

I received my blood test result and consulted the doctor yesterday. Overall, after dumping all those toxic chemical into my system, the blood test result indicate that my liver is still functioning normally. With regards to the CA19.9 Tumor Marker, the reading now stands at 2899. Compared to the previous week's reading of 4618, the marker reading has dropped a further 37%. Overall, compared to the initial marker reading of 15229 on 19/06/2009, the marker reading has dropped 81%. I do hope the remaining sessions of 3DCRT and oral chemo can finished off those nasty cancer cells and pull the marker reading to the normal range. I guess the latest marker reading basically indicates that there is a decreasing trend of cancer cells activities in my body. I do hope this decreasing marker reading result in proportional reduction in size of the tumor at my pancreas.

Although my appetite is still a concern to me, but there are also some positive indications over the previous 10 days or so. My weight over the previous 1 week stabilized within the range of 62 to 63 Kg. And, I had not been taking pain killers for the previous 10 days. Although there are still some discomforts at my abdominal and back areas, but I do realized, I am having less pains, and the pain level is now more manageable. Hopefully, these improvements are indications that I am hitting the right direction along the road of recovery.

Well, what else can I say ? After almost one year of wondering in the dark tunnel and fighting for my survival, I am still standing ! As long as I cam still able to get up the next day, I stand to have a good fighting chance to overcome my present health predicament. Praise the Lord.......

May all beings be well and healthy........

1Malaysia - I had a dream

Every politician has a dream..... dreamm...... dreaaaaaammmmmmm....... dreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeamm..... all i have to do is dream..............

Bits & Bytes (5)

Finally, I completed 5 weeks of 3DCRT, today is the beginning of the sixth week. Well, one more week to go to complete the whole course of 3DCRT and oral chemo. After which I will be “on leave” for 30 days before I go back to the hospital for another round of Computer Tomography scan to assess the progress of this latest treatment protocol.

I took my blood test for cancer marker on the previous Friday, and the result should be out by tomorrow for my usual weekly consultation with the doctor. Hopefully, the blood test gave acceptable result tomorrow.

I feel awful today, I think the radiation therapy has, in a way, also affect the normal functioning of my stomach. I felt like vomiting through out the morning and afternoon. In fact, I had been having problem managing this side effect since the beginning of the 3DCRT treatment. My appetite for food has been affected, and consequently, I encountered substantial weight loss.

This fight against cancer is tougher than I thought. It is like I am being thrown into a boxing ring with a biased umpire, invisible opponents, and unknown game rules. The minute the bell rang, flurries of punches are thrown at me by the invisible opponent. I am floored, and the umpire quickly hit the canvas to start counting “one, two,.... three... four...” I had to get up before the count reach 10, otherwise, it is game over for me. Immediately I got up, the flurries of punches by the invisible opponent landed on me again. Again I am floored, and the umpire rushed in to hit the canvas to start the count of “one... two.... three.... four...” with bloodied nose, puffed face, and blurred vision, I told myself to get up before the empire count me out. Again, as soon as I got up, punches are all over me again to floor me. The situation of being floored and getting repeats itself, over and over again. I told myself, the only way for me to win, is to keep getting up, stand up like a man, hopefully, the invisible opponent eventually get tired of throwing punches and give up trying to knock me out. Fat hope ? I don't know. Times will tell......

I am an educated man with reasonable mind. When dealing with cancer, I know the statistic and am aware that the odds are stacked heavily against me. But the poetic side of me is still romantically fancied the idea of hope and miracles. While my hope for a cure is currently hanging on a very thin thread, I still have confident in myself to find a way to condition my mind to triggered spontaneous remission, and I believe the Almighty still have a purpose for me, he shall deliver miracle to me at a time and place of his choosing.

Life, how hard can it be ? For the time being, this frailed commander of a badly bruised battleship will live one day at a time........

May all beings be well and healthy........

Not a good day ?

After I received my 22nd 3DCRT treatment this morning, I attended my weekly consultation with the doctor. I checked with the good doctor on the progress of my treatment, and the good doctor told me not to be too anxious about the progress yet. I was advised to wait for the completion of the 3DCRT first, then come back again in another month for a computer tomography scan to evaluate the size of the tumor. I am expected to complete the whole course of 3DCRT on July 27th 2009.

The followings are my weekly blood test result on the CA 19.9 tumor marker :

19/06/2009 15,229
26/06/2009 12,187
03/07/2009 9,988
10/07/2009 4,618

So, over the period of 4 weeks, the tumor marker has dropped 70%, which is quite substantial. Hopefully, the percentage drop in the CA19.9 marker is proportionate to the reduction in size of the tumor at the pancreas. However, the doctor told me not to rely on the marker reading as indication of my progress, because the most accurate assessment is still based on the CT scan.

Whatever it is, I will have to look forward positively to manage the treatments and hopefully, I shall overcome this dreaded illness soon.

I am also very happy to be informed that my son graduation ceremony is scheduled in mid August 2009. Hopefully, I am fit enough to attend his graduation on that day. I thank the Almighty for his grace in guiding my son to complete his undergraduate course on schedule and qualified for graduation. Praise the Lord......

May all beings be well and healthy........