Friday, February 27, 2009

Coping with cancer treatments.

It has been more than 6 month since I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and undergoing various treatment regime. In other words, I was also “on leave” since September 2008. The period of “inactivities” is not something I welcome, but have to adapt to. Never before in my life, I was tested to my extreme. I have learned to cope with fear and hope, and ultimately, cultivating faith in myself, in the treatment protocols, and the Almighty.

Prior to my diagnosis, I went through various medical procedures such as colonoscopy, endoscopy, laproscopy, Computer Tomography scan, blood tests, and various antibiotics and probiotics medications. Some of these procedures are humiliating, and some are frustrating. But I am glad all these are over, and I can now focus on seeking appropriate treatment strategies.

The first treatment protocol I went through is the so called B17 protocol. It is basically an alternative treatment protocol with high dosage of various sorts of vitamins and supplements. The protocol involved a strict hourly schedule of taking pills, tablets, liquids, capsules, etc. from 7:00AM to 10:00PM on daily basis for 19 days. During the period, I was advise on non protein and non carbohydrate diet. My diet was essentially reduced to liquid foods. On completion of 19 days, I went for a blood test, and was shocked to discover that, my condition was worst than when I was first started – the cancer marker cancer marker shot up substantially. The funny part is, the person who sold me the B17 protocol told me that I am 80% cured by just looking at the blood test result, and advised me to go for another round of 19 days protocol. I consulted a few doctors, all of them advised me to consult an Oncologist, and not to take unnecessary risk taking the advise of unqualified medical personnel. Another professor in medicine told me that B17 is a hoax. I was indeed lucky that, in my time of desperations, I was still rational in making my treatment decision. I decided to consult the Oncologist and seek treatment in evidence based medicines. Come to think of it, the B17 alternative treatment protocol is nothing but an over priced and over glorified vitamin supplement.

The Oncologist advised me to opt for chemotherapy first as the first line of defense to reduce the size of the tumor and cancer marker reading. On a hindsight, I was lucky that I did not go for for another round of B17 alternative treatment, because, during the course of my regular chemotherapy session, I met several cancer patients who received B17 alternative treatment protocol, and all of them told me that it is a waste of money. The moral of the story here is, do not simply believe the claimed “success stories” of alternative treatments. Basically, these “success stories” are over glorified, and most likely can not be verified. The safest treatment option is to go for evidence based medicines such as chemotherapy, radio therapy, surgery, or procedures recommended by qualified medical doctors.

The moral of the story is, when you are stricken with cancer, please do not bet your life life on unproven alternative cancer treatments. You are taking the unnecessary risk of delaying effective conventional treatments by wasting time on unproven treatments disguised as “alternative treatments”. Take it this way, if these alternative treatments are claimed to be proven and effective, how come they are not registered with the FDA and Ministry of Health ?

I started the Chemotherapy session in October 2008. Basically, the chemotherapy involved a cocktail of liquid drugs being administered intravenously once every three weeks. In my case, I was initially put on a combination of Gemcitabine, 5-fluorouracil, Oxaliplatin, and folinic Acid. The most frustrating part of chemotherapy is having the butterfly shaped needle inserted into the blood vessel, then bearing with more than 2 hours of chemo drugs being intravenously pumped into your body. After the fifth chemotherapy, I was put on a Computer Tomography Scan and cancer marker test. The doctor was not happy with the improvement, and introduced additional chemo drugs to be taken orally on daily basis for 60 days. The additional new Chemo drug is Tarceva. Tarceva is relatively a new cancer fighting drugs. It block tumor cells growth by inhibiting enzyme within the cells associated with the epidermal growth factor receptor. In other words, it specifically go after those hardcore cancer cell, but leave the normal cells intact.

During the administration of treatment regime, the body must be well nourished. I realized, a lot of the times, cancer patients died of malnutritions rather than cancer itself. Therefore, a critical component of my treatment strategies is to ensure that I fortified my body with nutritional supplements, balance diets, and regular exercises.

In additional to the physical pains associated with cancer, the most dreadful aspect of dealing with cancer treatments such as chemotherapy is managing the side effects. In my case, I encountered lost of appetite, neuropathy, mouth ulcers, sore throats, dried palms, chest pains, fatigues, hair loss, etc. With the introduction of Tarceva, I also acquired new side effects such as severe body rashes and palpitations. But on the positive side, we are all adaptive human being, after more than six month of treatment regime, I am more or less getting used to the pains and discomforts.

Although being stricken with cancer is a nightmare, but I was awakened with incredible fighting spirit. I know, by remaining calm and positive, I shall have good fighting chance to emerge victorious against Cancer. Emotionally speaking, the previous 6 months has been an emotionally draining but amazing journey of self discoveries of embracing hope, dealing with frustrations, and confronting fears and uncertainty. Perhaps, it is a journey of self enlightenment !

Well, whatever it is, the fight goes on. I know, I am going to have a good fight. And, I do sincerely hope I can overcome this obstacle and be a walking miracle..........

Praise the Lord.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

There are cats in my garden....

The dirty looking cat just arrogantly jumped into my garden and chased away the beautiful birds. Some people just love pussies, but the problem is, they let their pussies roaming around the neighborhood, scavenging garbage can for foods, discharging smelly faeces on other people gardens, and making all those irritating on heat noises.

To all those irresponsible cat owners, they should know, that not everybody love their smelly and dirty pussies. It looks like I have to bring in a pet dog to keep all those unwelcome cats away from my garden.

I can not understand why the local town councils are having the biases against dogs. They go all the way to hunt down dogs in the neighborhood. Some town councils even compelled dog owners to seek permissions from their neighbors before dog owning licenses are issued. But when comes to cats, the local town councils seemed to think that it is everybody goddamn rights to live with dirty pussies menaces.

I don't think a lot of people love cats. Some Asian families believed that cats bring luck to their families, but I don't see these people who don't keep cats as pets, going around hating cats, or causing difficulties to cat owners. I have no problem with cats, but I sincerely wish all those cat owners can have some basic decency civic mindedness to keep their cats under control and feed them well. I am completely repulsed by all those idiots who let their cats roaming around the neighborhood rummaging the garbage cans, and dropping the smelly faeces in my garden.

Maybe I am wrong, I do wonder whether the preferences by local authorities for cats and discrimination against dogs are driven by religious ignorances. But whatever it is, may I kindly remind the local authorities that, they are paid by the tax payers to do their jobs and not to practice their personal biases and preferences.

One question I want to put forward to some of the local town councils. Why the discriminations against dogs. Why no actions taken against stray cats and their owners ? Why not also compel the cat owners to seek permissions from their neighbors before cat owning licenses are issued ? Well, perhaps, for reasons only known to them, may be they love smelly pussies but not the old and reliable Hot Dog...

Meow....meow..... here come the pussy men looking for hot dogs again !!!!!

There are birds in my garden....

The past few mornings, I noticed, there are birds visiting my garden. There are not just any birds, but beautiful and colourful birds which I have not seen before. These birds produced the most melodious chirping sounds. I know not much about birds, and I will not attempt to name them. The important thing is, there are now birds visiting my garden almost every morning, and occasionally beautiful butterflies and dragonflies are there too.

Since being diagnosed with my present illness, and since I am n medical leave, I had been spending times to make little garden presentable, planting and replanting, herbs and flowers. It is satisfying to see the blossoming of flowers, and it is equally satisfying to see colourful birds, butterflies, and dragonflies paying visit to the garden. A little efforts in beautifying the garden does go a long way in attracting nature most beautiful creatures. Indeed, the Almighty's creations are beautiful.

After my daily morning walk, I will usually get a copy of reading materials, sit at the garden to wait for the birds to come. Occasionally I will sprinkle some rice on the grass to attract the birds to eat. When, the bird came, I will sit very still and quietly observing the birds chirping away, flipping their wings, and sprint from one place to another. Occasionally, the birds will steal a look at me, then carry on with their usual routines. Sometimes, the birds just flew in, stay for a few seconds, and then off they go to another place. Sometimes, some of the birds attempted to test their territory by going nearer and nearer to me before the fly off to another corner of the garden. I guess, birds do have personalities and are capable of most harmonious acts. Sometimes, my mind wonders whether I am in a dream, as a bird in a garden looking at the man observing me, or am I the man watching the bird ?

How do I make the birds stay longer in my garden or attract more varieties of birds to visit ? Maybe over the next few weeks, I will make some bird boxes with feeders filled with bird seeds. It will be very rewarding, if some days, the birds can fly to my feet or anywhere within very close proximity. Would I be able to communicate with the birds then ? Would I then be able to understand from the birds, the principle of life, where you do not have to worry about tomorrow provisions, and live for today, and one day at a time ?

Little birds, if there is a heaven, and if heaven is full of music, are all those melodious and joyful chirpings you proudly present to me, a sample of what to come ? When my maker take my soul, would I be as free as the birds, gliding in the azure blue skies, visiting beautiful little gardens, smelling the roses, enjoying the fragrant air, and feeling the soft green grass under my sole?

At the end of the day, does it really matter if I fought a good fight ? Does it ? If I can't add more years to my life, how do I move on and make the most out of my life ? Life, at times, are beautiful and splendid, but it can also be full of sufferings. Perhaps, my purpose now is to prepare myself to enter this elusive beautiful garden of my deluded minds. If there is no paradise on earth, maybe there is a garden of God out there where I belong, where there are no more illness, and I would not be lonely again fighting my battles against this dreadful disease.

Well, perhaps a life is like a garden. I am the gardener of my life. It is up to me how I want to cultivate my garden and make my life purposeful, meaningful, and pleasurable............

That's life !

Monday, February 23, 2009

Donations

Last week, I donated the followings :


  • Orphanage in Puchong - RM 5,000 plus
  • Scout Movement in Taiping - RM 1,000
  • Swiming Team in Taiping - RM 600
  • lunch for oldfolk home - RM 500 ( during CNY)
Handing over of cheque to representative of the Orphanage

The donations are derived from proceeds of the sales of "Conversations With CK". The Book was priced at RM 40. There are still copies available. To purchase, send an email enquiry to dalaibaru@gmail.com


Friday, February 20, 2009

Coping with the new drugs

After the fifth chemotherapy, where the cancer marker did not drop substantially, the doctor advised me to go on the second line of defense against the Pancreatic cancer. I was put on a 60 days course of orally taken targeted therapy of Tarceva tablets. According to my understanding, Tarceva is relatively a new cancer fighting drugs, and since it is new, it is very Expensive !!! It block tumor cells growth by inhibiting enzyme within the cells associated with the epidermal growth factor receptor. In other words, it specifically go after those hardcore cancer cell, but leave the normal cells intact. It's been 10 days since I started on the Tarceva course in combination with the Germcitabine chemotherapy.

In addition to all those normal side effects of the chemotherapy which I blog about in my previous postings. After the 4th chemo, my hair began to drop, and it dropped at an alarming rate, and by the 5th chemo, I began to notice bald patches on my head. I as real worried, because, I don't think I can get used to become a Botak Head. It would be like a King losing his crown !! A day before the 6th Chemo, I had my little conversations with the Almighty, I pray to him to stop my hair from dropping further, and let me keep my crown. Well, miracle does happened. The next day, I noticed, the are no more hair on the basin when I do my usual morning wash-up. Since then, my hair also begin to grow back. The Almighty does works in a miraculous way. Praise the Lord, and My heartfelt thank to the Almighty for listening to my prayer. Well, to have further miracles, I guess, it is better for me to keep praying to the Almighty to trigger a spontaneous remission of my pancreatic tumors. I hope, the Almighty equip the good doctor with the wisdom, knowledge, medications, and healing hand to achieve this ultimate objective.

Now, coming back to the side effects, I am more or less getting used to managing those side effects which I mentioned earlier in my previous postings. However, the new Tarceva drugs, eventhough, the good doctor claimed that there are no side effects associated with it, but I do encountered some new side effects. On the 6th day onward, I developed rashes in my body, especially the chest area. I encountered severe palpitations and cold sweatings, it is like I am being hit by a heart attack. I also noticed that, my appetite for solid food is getting poorer. I am easily fatigued, sometimes, I just dozed off in the middle of something. In addition, I also developed mouth sore, throat infection, and dry skin especially at the facial area. I hope the next 50 days or so, I would be able to overcome and managed this new side effects to improve the quality of my daily existence.

After more than six month of treatment regime, I am more or less getting used to the pains and discomforts. I am also used to the insensitive remarks being hurl against me, as well as being taken advantage off by over eager alternative treatments peddlers. But on the positive side, I also gain the support from friends and spiritual brothers and sisters, who gave me words of encouragement, and their continued healing prayers. I felt their prayers, and I felt the healing energies surrounding me. I felt good !!!

In my times of difficulties, I am so fortunate to rediscover the goodness of the Almighty. HE is Good, he gave me strength, and he gave me hope. Emotionally and spiritually speaking, the past 6 months has been an amazing journey of self discoveries of embracing hope, dealing with frustrations, and confronting fears and uncertainty. I thank the almighty for giving me this special privilege to experience these many facets of life.

I lost my mother to Cancer 15 years ago. I am not going to lose my life to cancer !! Real man don't cry, and I will fight with all my wills and arsenals to win. Like it or not, although being diagnosed with cancer was a nightmare for me, but I was awaken with incredible fighting spirit. I know, I shall emerge victorious.

That's life.........