Mother's Day....

This coming Sunday is Mother's Day. My mother passed away many years ago. As an observance to honour my mother and to remember her good deeds, I will make a special trip to my home town, Taiping.

The following is a posting I wrote in 2006 to remember my mother :

12 years ago,
you did not bid us farewell.
Trembling in amazing calmness,
you move on silently,
as gentle as the wind.
You departed to the garden of God.

With your strong wills
and admirable determinations,
you have given us
the spiritual and moral comforts.
You have laboured days and nights,
sacrificed your youth and beauty,
and unselfishly devote your love to all of us.

Without reclaiming your labour of love,
in the evening of warm October's air,
you made the solo journey to be with God,
to rest your tired soul.......
You left your legacy of love and the memories
which forever resides in my heart.

You have always said
"A man is a pillar to the family", and
"Tar Por Kia, Beh Sai Low Bug Sai...."
(" A man must not shed tears ")
I shall always try
not to show my emotions in sorrow and sadness.
But, in solitude,
tears do flow freely recalling the images of you.
Sometimes, thinking of the life you went through,
I do hide in my room and silently cried in my heart.
Forgive me, I can not be a man of perpetual no sorrow....

I have not done enough
to make your life passage smoother.
I have not done enough
to make life more comfortable for you.
I always thought that,
tomorrow, I can make it better for you.
I am sorry
for the countless tomorrow's that you have waited
for me to deliver my duties as a son to you.
Tomorrow came, you are freed from pain,
in eternal peace, and you are gone forever.

I am sorry
for being too blinded to see your pains,
I am sorry
for not having the courage
to accept that you are dying,
I am sorry
for refusing to let you go.
I am forever
indebted to you for thy love.....

By that dear name, I called you. Mother.
losing you is my life's greatest sorrow.
I missed you and cherished the memories of you.
Of those good times, not so good times,
and of those growing up years...

I seek your forgiveness
for everything that I should have done but procastinated.
I seek your forgiveness
for not bidding you the final farewell.

Oh, my most merciful and gracious Buddha,
please accept my humble prayer to you,
please bless my mother's soul
to ease the attainment of grace and joys
in your garden of perpetual happiness.........

Om mani padmi hom,
Om Namo Amithaba Buddha.....

Remembering her.....

How time flies, it has been 13 years since my beloved mother passed away. Tomorrow is my mother's 13th death anniversary. Since tomorrow is a working day, I brought forward the Taoist's prayer ritual to today to pray for her soul. May the all knowing Buddha and merciful Kuanyim lift her soul in the paradise of the Almighty.

Typical of woman of her times, my late mother never attended a single day of formal education. She was born in China. When she was a young girl, my maternal grandparents brought her to Malaysia, and resettled in the small fishing village of Kuala Sebatang near Taiping. After the second world war, my maternal grand parents went back to China leaving behind my mother. Today, I still have relatives from my mother side living in China and Hong Kong, but I had lost contact with them.

During my childhood years, we do not have telephone, email, yahoo messenger, or skype. Communications are done through physical letters. I still remember how my mother used to ask me to read out to her letters from her parents, brothers, and sisters from China. She will sat there quietly and attentively as I read out the contents of the letters. Occasionally she shed tears, displayed joys, and some times laugh out heartily as I read out and translated the letters to her in Hokkien dialect. It must be tough for her to be illiterate. Not able to write and read, always need to depend on third party to communicate with her loved ones. I recalled she always reminded my father to ensure all my brothers and sister have good education. In her words to my father, “no matter how poor we are, we must not be poor in educating our children. Our children life will be better if they have good education.......”.

Remembering my late mother, for what I am today, I am forever grateful to her. I am a very blessed person because I once had a mother who loved me unselfishly and unconditionally. For better or for worst, she stood by me. When I was down, she lifted me up. When I am weak, she held me, nursed me, and gave me strength to be able to stand up again. For whatever wrong that I made, somehow, she had her own way of making it right for me. When I am down and everybody seemed to gave up on me, she was able to see the best in me, gave me words of encouragement, gave me hope and faith to shoulder on. She let me made my own decisions, and supported me in every which way she can. No matter how difficult the situation is, she was always there for me.

Mother, thank you very much for all your love, support, care, and faith in me. May the almighty continues to bless your soul. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, ............

Om Namo Amithaba Buddha.

Mother

I thought the day will never come.
In that unforgettable evening,
You took that lonely journey
God laid for you,
to the beautiful garden of eternity.
In that unforgettable evening,
God set you free,
you found eternal peace.
Your sufferings and hardships cease.

Your time seemed too brief.
But, the love you gave us
shall forever lives in our hearts.
We remember your kind deeds and sacrifices.
Your smiles and kindness
shall forever glows in our hearts.

You put our needs above yourself.
You gave your youth and everything you have,
unconditionally and with devotion.
We took your love for granted,
but you said, it is a privilege
to provide all you have for your children,
and see them through life's uncertainties.

There are times,
I saw you weeping in despairs
in a quiet corner
in the middle of the night,
you said, son, go to sleep,
when you grow up,
you will understand,
life is,
sometimes an uphill and unkind battle.
Tomorrow will be better,
life must go on....

The love from your heart,
the warm of your touch,
and your ever forgiving heart.
How can I repay ? How can I forget ?
If only I could, I'd surely bring you
the fruits of your labour,
especially
the success stories of your loved one.
I wish to see,
your face beaming
with happiness and prides again,
one more time.
And,
to hold on to your memories,
forever 'till the end of time.

I had never thank you
for all that you had done for me.
I had never expressed my gratitude
for your unselfish love and kindness.
In remembering you, I hope you know,
I loved and appreciated you all these while.
I know, each time I think of you,
you are right here in my heart.

Remembering her......

Tomorrow will be my late mother's 12 years death anniversary. In 1994, my mother, after 2 years fighting with cancer, she lost the battle. One and a half month later, my late father, a perfectly healthy man, lost his will to live. After less than a week of short illness, he died in his sleep.

My mother was born in China, I have forgotten the year of her birth. Her birth date is no longer important to me any more. She was brought to Malaysia by my maternal grandparent as a young girl. They came to Malaysia via Penang and their first place of settlement in Malaysia was the fishing village of Port Weld (Sebetang).

As a young boy and during those times in my early childhood, the only mode of affordable transportation we have then was the old bicycle. Occasionally, I still recalled the vivid visual images of my mother carrying me behind the back of her old bicycle to take me to government clinics whenever I fell ills. Sometime, when she lost faith in the government clinic, she will cycled me to the local places of worship to consult the medium to seek spiritual cures. I also have many good memories of my mother carrying me behind her bicycle to various places of interests in the old Taiping town and vicinity.

As a young boy, I also remember how my mother trembled with fears ( out of ignorant ) whenever the arm force personnel patrolled past our house during period of the infamous May 13 racial riots in 1969.

Looking back, life then and life now are so much different.

1994, was the most difficult year for me then. I was just barely recovered from work related stress and was in my first year of starting a business on my own to start my life afresh. Within a short period of 2 months, I lost both of my parents. I know it was also an emotionally and financially difficult year for my brothers and sisters. Remembered, 1994 was the beginning of economic slowdowns for Malaysia. Despite all the official statistics of the real growth of GDP, as a small businessman, I know these statistics are not real for the past 12 years. Hopefully, this year, 2006, shall be the ending of the 12 years cycle of economic hardships for all Malaysians.

Hopefully, 2007 shall be the beginning of a brand new decade of economic prosperities for all Malaysians, Hopefully.

Back to marking my late mother's death anniversary, since I am the only Taoist male in my family ( my brothers and sisters has converted to Christianity), I will be alone conducting the prayer ritual to mark my mother's death anniversary. I was told it is against Christians' belief to offer prayer to ancestors. I know, in their own private way, my brothers and sisters are also marking the respects to my late mother in their Christian's way tomorrow.

Tomorrow morning, I will have to wake up early morning, probably 6 o'clock in the morning, to go to the wet market to buy the foods and material offerings materials in compliance with the rituals. Some of the offerings I needed to buy are :

• Sum Seng ( 3 type of meats. 1 Kg roast port, 1 whole steamed chicken, and a big fried fish )
• Fruits(6 pieces of Oranges, 6 pieces of apples, 6 pieces of pears)
• SangChoy ( Salad vegetable )
• My late mother's favourite dishes ( Towyou Bak - soy sauce pork, Kiamchai Towfu teng - Salted vegetable and bean curb soup, Fried noodles, Redbeans soup, etc. )
• Paper materials ( paper shirts, hell money, wongsang chee, joss sticks, Kim Gin paper, etc. )
• Did I missed out anything ? No worry, I will consult the Patpor in the wet market tomorrow morning.

My wife has promised to cook and prepare my late mother's favourite dishes and get it ready by 9 o'clock in the morning in times for the prayer. Incidentally, my mother also love black coffee, so, I will remember to brew cup of hot aromatic coffee as offering to her. I don't know, hopefully her soul visit this yang dwellings of her children to savour her favorite dishes and drinks.

Come to think of it, time flies, 12 years has past ! It seemed like yesterday, I can still vividly remembered how my mother pestered me to reduce or quit my smoking habits. I always told my mother, I will quit tomorrow ! and 12 years later, I am still habitually puffing cigarettes ! There are lot of things about my mother that I can still remembered with fondness. But as I grow older, my memory is also beginning to fail me, indeed, there are lot of things about my mother that I can't recalled now. How I wish there is a new technology where we can "burn" all our bitter sweet memories into a compact disc to be opened up as and when we want to view it, and to be cherished forever.

Mother, I still miss you. I shall remember your kindness and sacrifices. I shall cherish those sweet memories of you. May the Almighty continues to bless your souls. May you be happy in the forever beautiful garden of eternity.

Mother, in life, you committed the greatest love and sacrifices for your children. With my bended knee, with sorrows and tears in my heart, I thank you for everything you have done for me. Rest in peace. Om Mani Padme Hum. Om Namo Amithaba Buddha.