Remembering her......

Tomorrow will be my late mother's 12 years death anniversary. In 1994, my mother, after 2 years fighting with cancer, she lost the battle. One and a half month later, my late father, a perfectly healthy man, lost his will to live. After less than a week of short illness, he died in his sleep.

My mother was born in China, I have forgotten the year of her birth. Her birth date is no longer important to me any more. She was brought to Malaysia by my maternal grandparent as a young girl. They came to Malaysia via Penang and their first place of settlement in Malaysia was the fishing village of Port Weld (Sebetang).

As a young boy and during those times in my early childhood, the only mode of affordable transportation we have then was the old bicycle. Occasionally, I still recalled the vivid visual images of my mother carrying me behind the back of her old bicycle to take me to government clinics whenever I fell ills. Sometime, when she lost faith in the government clinic, she will cycled me to the local places of worship to consult the medium to seek spiritual cures. I also have many good memories of my mother carrying me behind her bicycle to various places of interests in the old Taiping town and vicinity.

As a young boy, I also remember how my mother trembled with fears ( out of ignorant ) whenever the arm force personnel patrolled past our house during period of the infamous May 13 racial riots in 1969.

Looking back, life then and life now are so much different.

1994, was the most difficult year for me then. I was just barely recovered from work related stress and was in my first year of starting a business on my own to start my life afresh. Within a short period of 2 months, I lost both of my parents. I know it was also an emotionally and financially difficult year for my brothers and sisters. Remembered, 1994 was the beginning of economic slowdowns for Malaysia. Despite all the official statistics of the real growth of GDP, as a small businessman, I know these statistics are not real for the past 12 years. Hopefully, this year, 2006, shall be the ending of the 12 years cycle of economic hardships for all Malaysians.

Hopefully, 2007 shall be the beginning of a brand new decade of economic prosperities for all Malaysians, Hopefully.

Back to marking my late mother's death anniversary, since I am the only Taoist male in my family ( my brothers and sisters has converted to Christianity), I will be alone conducting the prayer ritual to mark my mother's death anniversary. I was told it is against Christians' belief to offer prayer to ancestors. I know, in their own private way, my brothers and sisters are also marking the respects to my late mother in their Christian's way tomorrow.

Tomorrow morning, I will have to wake up early morning, probably 6 o'clock in the morning, to go to the wet market to buy the foods and material offerings materials in compliance with the rituals. Some of the offerings I needed to buy are :

• Sum Seng ( 3 type of meats. 1 Kg roast port, 1 whole steamed chicken, and a big fried fish )
• Fruits(6 pieces of Oranges, 6 pieces of apples, 6 pieces of pears)
• SangChoy ( Salad vegetable )
• My late mother's favourite dishes ( Towyou Bak - soy sauce pork, Kiamchai Towfu teng - Salted vegetable and bean curb soup, Fried noodles, Redbeans soup, etc. )
• Paper materials ( paper shirts, hell money, wongsang chee, joss sticks, Kim Gin paper, etc. )
• Did I missed out anything ? No worry, I will consult the Patpor in the wet market tomorrow morning.

My wife has promised to cook and prepare my late mother's favourite dishes and get it ready by 9 o'clock in the morning in times for the prayer. Incidentally, my mother also love black coffee, so, I will remember to brew cup of hot aromatic coffee as offering to her. I don't know, hopefully her soul visit this yang dwellings of her children to savour her favorite dishes and drinks.

Come to think of it, time flies, 12 years has past ! It seemed like yesterday, I can still vividly remembered how my mother pestered me to reduce or quit my smoking habits. I always told my mother, I will quit tomorrow ! and 12 years later, I am still habitually puffing cigarettes ! There are lot of things about my mother that I can still remembered with fondness. But as I grow older, my memory is also beginning to fail me, indeed, there are lot of things about my mother that I can't recalled now. How I wish there is a new technology where we can "burn" all our bitter sweet memories into a compact disc to be opened up as and when we want to view it, and to be cherished forever.

Mother, I still miss you. I shall remember your kindness and sacrifices. I shall cherish those sweet memories of you. May the Almighty continues to bless your souls. May you be happy in the forever beautiful garden of eternity.

Mother, in life, you committed the greatest love and sacrifices for your children. With my bended knee, with sorrows and tears in my heart, I thank you for everything you have done for me. Rest in peace. Om Mani Padme Hum. Om Namo Amithaba Buddha.

The tallest woman in the world

I received this article in my email today :

Yao Defen is arguably the tallest woman in the world. But it's not a title she craves. Defen would happily swap the title and a good two foot to be average height and live a normal life. She has been told she could go blind in a matter of months and die within a year. At only 34 years old she is desperate for one last chance at life.Four years ago Defen was measured for the Guinness Book of Records and came up one centimetre shorter than American Sandy Allan But Sandy is now stooped and in a wheel chair and it appears Defen, the daughter of a Chinese peasant farmer, has kept growing. She is now just over 7ft 8 inches tall. Both women suffer from Agromegaly – a disease resulting from a tumour on the pituitary gland causing it to pump out excess growth hormone. Defen was diagnosed when she was just 15 years old. She was already well over 6ft tall and tests at a local hospital revealed a large tumour was causing her growth spurts. Her family were too poor to pay for surgery so Defen was sent back to her village where she continued to grow and grow. The family home was too small for her to live in so she slept in the stable with the animals. Thirteen years later doctors from another province saw Defen performing in a circus and realising what was wrong with her offered to operate for free. They were able to partially remove the tumour. But now six years later it has grown back and is pressing on her optic nerve. She could go blind in the next few months and die with in a year without complicated surgery. Thanks to a documentary being made for a British Television programme, two of the leading doctors specialising in Acromegaly have offered to help Yao Defen.

Another not so adventurous weekend.........

Saturday and Sunday are usually the days I look forward to. I usually get a lot of personal things done during the weekend at much relax pace. I actually enjoy doing the errands and those little things such as talking to the plants, and sometimes even the ants..... Talking about ants, do you know ants have good sense of humours ?

To backtrack a bit, I actually have a very nasty dream a night before. Two kind angels actually come into my dreams to forewarn me about impending betrayals. The angels actually tell me my own brother is plotting to sabotage my business with his demented plan ( But like they said, that will be another story later if I ever want to reveal the truth). What a weird dream ! I told the angels to f-off, and I will probably take those warnings with many pinches of salts. Before the angels left, one gave me a pen, the other gave me a little yellow book. I will figure out the significants of these unwelcome gifts later at some other times. Come to think of it, life will be very sad if my own brother have the heart to plot my downfalls. But whatever it is, if it come, I will let it be. Probably it was my Karma in my previous life. I would not want to fight off the Vipaka anymore. I really have nothing to loose anymore. Money is of no concern to me now as compared to 10 years ago. I probably already have enough to last till my last breaths.

Forget about the haze. I woke up on Saturday morning, but have problem getting up from the bed. What has happened to me. Did I offended the angels ? Immediately I tried to move my body, there was this sharp unbearable pains at my back above my waist draining away all my energy, as a result, both my legs are rendered useless ! I can not even move my legs ! Probably I unconsciously sprained my back during the sleep the night before.

I have been having this recurrences of severe back pain for a few years already. Based on past experiences, I believe I should be lively again in a week times. So, no worry, no necessity to see the good doctor. I will be well soon. I know, I will.

So, on Saturday, I lived like King of the house but felt miserables. My sons and wife treat my like vegetables, and in fact, I felt like vegetable. Unable to move around as freely as I want. I even have problem sitting up to do my regular reading. So, I can't be "sitting" or "lying" there doing nothing. It is degrading !

I have to find something useful to do ! How about organizing my messy collection of digital photographs ? Why not ? It ihas been long overdue. So, lying on one side, I mean, with one side of my body lying perpendicular to the floor, one soft pillow tucking strategically at my back to restrict any accidental free body movement - the Buddha sleeping posture, I set-up my notebook to organized and upload my personal photographs to photos.yahoo.com. By the time I finished, and few hours later, I did managed to upload slightly more than 1000 photographs organized into various folders. Not bad, for a man in semi vegetable state. At least, I am productive.

Saturday came and Saturday went past. An uneventful day, but a blessing in disguise - I have the much needed rest.

Sunday was not much more different than Saturday, In fact, the pains are getting worst. never mind, let it come, I will get used to it. I told myself. I manged and find my way to get up from the bed. Now, I have another problem, I can't bend my body ! It is real challenging to trying to wash my face and brush my teeth. Ahh.. never mind, I will just rinse my mouth with Listerine and get my wife to use a wet tower to freshen my face.

Of all the day, I have chose this Sunday to have my silly urge to have Bak Kut Teh for breakfast ! My wife managed to call a good friend of mine in Klang to tarpow (pack) Bak Kut Teh for my breakfast. As usual, the Bak kut Teh is not bad. I did enjoy my Bak Kut Teh. After the Breakfast, my wife suggested I go shopping complex to do some shopping and hopefully, the "walking around" will loosen my aching muscles. She is probably thinking that I am lazy. Well, why not, how much more painful can it be ? Aided by the walking stick, I did managed to "walk around" for more than 4 hours. Woman ! I shake my head, they are indeed good for shopping. I mean really shopping around. Their stamina and energy really amaze me.

Nevertheless, it was good to have that little bit of stretching exercise in the shopping complex. At least, I can finally stand straight with only a small difficulty. But my problem is, during the night, it is back to square one. I have this problem of lying straight on the bed, I guess my muscles are over stretched, and refused to relax. Last resort, 2 tablets of pain killer did the wonderful magic of getting the must needed rest.

Monday. What about Monday. Not much different from the usual Monday. My strained back is still causing me the nuisance of unbearable pains. The pains are still unbearable as was 2 days ago. But I am beginning to get used to it. In fact, I actually beginning to enjoy that "twitching" pains. Every little "twitching" pain is bringing me a step closer to orgasm! I think the pains must have taken a bit control of my mental state. I am beginning to sound like a sadist.

My wife woke me up. She asked "Are you feeling well to go to the office ?". For a moment she scared the life out of me, I actually thought I saw my angel trying to lead me to the promised land! Sarcastically, I replied "Do I looked sick to you ? Of course, I am going to the office ! Heaven can wait !".

Well, I may not be getting younger. But this old tiger is going to fight to get well soon and show his spirits in the office........ I have better things to do in the office rather than lying or sitting at home doing unproductive things or fantasizing erotic encounters. But coming back to reality, I hope my back pains will ease and I can move about freely tomorrow.

Religiosity breeds insanity ?

The evil
of your belief
never failed to amazed me.
What does peace meant to you ?

In the name
of false injustices,
you commit violences.
You spread hatreds. You propagate lies.
Are you a victim or demented instigator ?

You lead
a life of delusions.
It seemed to me you are
perpetually searching for new enemies.
Who are your enemies anyway ?

You love to hate, You live to hate, You die in hate.
You glorify the culture of hates.
Is this your sacred purity of religiosity ?
Does God asks you to carryout
misdeeds and violences
on his behalf ?

My friends,
Let me tell me this simple noble truth.
Truth hurts, but truth is glorious.
Search no more. Look within yourselves !
Your real enemy is you. Yes, you.

Intolerances, hatreds, greeds,
jealousies, and transgressions within you
maketh you the beast and real monsters !
Your actions unmasked your words.
You are but barbarians that seek glory in violences.

You refused to accept others'
cultures, religions, and ways of life,
Should the world submit to your perverted ignorances ?

You refused to live in peace with others.
Do you honestly believe the world owed it to you
to respect and be sensitive to your insanity ?

Stop the deceiveful cries on self inflicted wounds.
Be fair, respect and acceptance can not be forced.
Please learn to coexist with people around you,
and appreciate the beauties in diversities.

May peace be upon you.
It is still not too late
to REPENT.

Believe in Peace.
Live in Peace.
Love peace.
Peace.
Love.

Malaysia...... I love you

If this world is without races and religions, would the world be a very peaceful place ? Imagine if we are all just Malaysian, and not Malay, Chinese, Indian, or "dan lain lain". Just imagine ! And based on the sensationalized, desensationalized, and indirect references of news reportings and commentaries in the local newspapers, we do have a group of very vocal politicians wanting to be racial pariahs.
With utmost respect to the sensitivities to all Malaysian of different ethnic origins, my laymen conclusion is, in Malaysia, we basically have 3 groups of citizens :
(1) I am not given enough group,
(2) I have given up too much group, and
(3) I am not given anything group
Now here, I am not being sarcastic or insinuating. Please hear me out with an open mind and a generous heart. This is my unqualified observation of the mentality of Malaysians. Demand, demand, and more demands without due regards to the well being of each other. As a matter of fact, these 3 groups of people exist within all the races in Malaysia. The analogy is, it is like a wealthy family having a few vocal children where all children demand bigger and bigger portion of the family's wealths without the need to work for it, because all of them felt that it is their hereditary rights to enjoy the existing wealths. If the parents start playing favouritism, then two things will happen, (a) the wealths will eventually run dried because no new wealth being created, and (b) the family will eventually disintegrate into warring factions. In real life, I believe we have all encountered wealthy family disintegrated into insignificant.
Malaysia happens to be a very blessed country with rich resources and some hardworking citizens. But the problem is, if every groups of citizens champion by irresponsible leaders start demanding to have greater wealth at the expense of each other, without putting in real economic efforts, the system will eventually collapse.
The political reality is, in Malaysia, political parties are form along racial lines. The survival of these political parties depend on championing of issues along racial lines. It is a real planning challenge for the present and future political leadership to decide whether they have the political courages to look beyond race and religion in policy formulation and implementation. Political compromises along racial lines have been the hallmarks of Malaysia success in maintaining racial harmony.
Malaysians now need to look beyond racial politic and evolve as a single national citizenry entity of Malaysian to stay efficient to survive in the ever competitive and changing world.
The fact we need to recognize is, there are poor and rich Chinese, Malay, Indian, and "dan lain lains" races in Malaysia. Poverty and lacked of wealths does not discriminate and exist within all races and in everywhere in the world. It is not right to blanketly deny other races the opportunities to acquire wealth simply because there are a small group of people within those races are rich. It is equally not right to systematically favour only a particular race simply because majority within a particular race is "poor". Therefore, in formulating and implementing policies in the name of fair distribution of wealth, Malaysians must have the moral mindset that, affirmative actions to assist the poor must be channelled to the "poors" and "less fortunate" irregardless of race and religion.
My personal perception is, perhaps I am wrong, Malaysians are all well educated but not learned. Discussions on issues related to race and religion can instigate even the most educated person into emotional irrationality and misplaced angers. The sad fact is, their kind minds are easily manipulated by politically bankrupt politicians whose sole purpose is to sustain their political continuity through unpatriotic racialization of issues.
Wouldn't it be better if we can look at strategic issues as national issues rather than selfishly manipulating the issues at racial and communal levels. What is the point of getting the tree but missing the whole forest ?
At one point or another, I do hope it come sooner. We must all recognize the need to evolve Malaysia as a united country that consists of progressive, moderate, and liberal Malaysians. Racial politics must be strongly discouraged during the ongoing process of our young nationhood. Politicians who seek political survival and popularity by championing racial issues must be treated with contempts and taboo. These irresponsible politicians are out there to sustain their personal interests, and should be rejected by all Malaysians.
Selfish demands in name of perceived racial rights will always result in unfair denial of the rights of other groups of Malaysians. This rent seeking mentality should be discouraged and systematically minimized.
The notion of "equality of races" has always been a taboo word in Malaysia. Simply because, if this notion is pursue and discuss, politicians with biased interests will manipulate the issues as transgression of respective racial rights to generate severe discomforts in inter-racial relationship in Malaysia. For a start, maybe the younger generations of Malaysians must be educated to appreciate the moral values of "equality for all Malaysians" and the evils of racial politics.
Whether we like it or not, there are perceived inequalities from within and outside Malaysia. Racism, no matter how you defined it to make it politically correct, is, but racism. Apartheid, not matter how you justify it, is, but apartheid. Words can always be massaged and rearranged to form beautiful self deceiving statements. But what pride do we have in the eyes of the free world ? The question is, do we as Malaysians, have the courage to rise beyond communal interest and personal greeds to champion the national interests for the benefits of all Malaysians ?
Malaysia must be a nation that is proud of her competitive, free, and moral spirits standing united to explore and seek competitive position in the global market place. Otherwise, the world will continue to watch us and clap their hand to acknowledge the clowns.
I am not a political analyst, I am writing this post as a Malaysian who sincerely care for the strategic significant of Malaysia in the World. This posting is not meant to stir racial discomforts or question the racial rights of Malaysians. But as a Malaysian, I do sincerely hope, Malaysians can take greater efforts to put themselves in each others shoes to understand each other's aspirations and frustrations. I do sincerely hope that, in my life time, Malaysia can be evolved into a true meritorious nation of proud "Bangsa Malaysia" with proud traditions of cultural diversities, assuming the indisputable leadership and moral roles in this competitive global village.
I love Malaysia. I love Malaysians. But do Malaysia love me ?. Do other Malaysians love me ?