Tears in my heart......

I let you go not ?
Many years have passed,
you left me a glimpse of sorrow,
and a reminder of cruelty of fate.

I gave you no name,
nor a grave for remembrance.
I decided,
the winds shall carried away,
the ashes into the ocean.
The free spirits of ocean,
shall free your soul,
from this tormented world.

With tears in my heart,
and a heart of sorrow,
I cried to bid you goodbye.
Son, I am sorry.
You belong to heaven,
but heaven is not on earth.
I would hold your hand a bit longer,
If only I could,
if only I could.

I am not God,
to grant you the rights
to stay a bid longer in this world of mine.
If only you could,
if only you could.

You came back in shadow,
I see you.
I feel you.
But I can not hug you,
neither can I hold you in my arms.
You are not real,
but, a fragment of past memories.

Go, please go.
Go to where you belong.
I find no happiness,
in seeing you lost in this world,
where you does not belong.
Be brave, step forward.
over there, there is a place,
a serene and beautiful garden,
where angels belonged.

They said, life must go on.
It always will.
I have no more tears for you.
But rest assured,
forget you I will not.
You shall alway remained
in a special corner of my heart,
till the day I die.

Son, goodbye............

A Father's Hope.......

My son,
life is full of roses around you.
Roses come in varied colours, smells, and sizes,
but I can not tell you which rose to pluck.
But be aware,

the wrong roses can lead you to thorny roads ahead......

There will be many crossroads in your life,
I hope I will always be there to give you advises,
but you have to own the responsibilities to make decisions.
I can not walk the roads for you.......

I have walked my paths with my own experiences.
I can only tell you my life experiences,
I can not make you walk my path.
And I can not create experiences for you.
You have to adapt and learn the realities of life,
and walk out from pitfalls to be a better man......

I believe in the Almighty.
I can go on and on to tell you about religion.
But I can not make you a believer,
and which religious path you should lead.
I know, God in his miraculous way,

will find the right path for you.....

I can give you good education,
a good home, and a comfortable lifestyle.
But I can not make you a learned man,
a good man, a family man, and a charitable person.
It is my sincere hope that,

these moral foundation I built within you,
can leads you to be a man of moral and principle.

I can instil in you

integrity, honesty, responsibility, and accountability.
But I can not built reputation for you.
You are your own man, your words, deeds, and actions
shall establish your standings in society.

The roads ahead are full of uncertainties and surprises
I can teach you about patient, perseverance, and humility,
But I can not live these life's rough patches for you.
You will have to develop your inner strength

to sail through life voyages....

Son, I have brought you to this life,
with your youth,

your wings are stronger than mine now.
Your time has come,

please fly and taste the spice of life.
But wherever you go,

please remember this old man rooted here.
Whenever you need the comfort of home,

I will always be here for you.
24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and whole year round.
I will never rest, I will always be here for you.
Because,

you are, and will always be on my mind............

Son, for whatever paths you take,
it is my sincere hope that,
you shall achieve success in your own way.
I shall always pray that,
the Almighty grants you a life

of good health, happiness, prosperities,
and a life of no regret..........

You are now taller than me.......

When you were born 19 years ago, I was so overtaken with emotions….. the sensation of becoming a father and the uncertainty of how I should handle the new responsibilities.

When I first look at you, you were so cute and lovable. I am so proud I am your father. I promised myself I shall never shortchanged you. I will protect you, I will defend you, and I will give you the best…….. I actually went around all the book shops hoping to get the best “user guide” in parenting ! But I guess I don’t really need one. You are always a good son.

I send you to the Kindergarten on your first day… I love watching you from a distant how you take instruction from the teacher, how you interact with your new found friends.. I was so amazed how brave you are in adapting to new environment….

When you are 17, you want to break free from the emotional attachment to your parents, you want to be independent, you want to be with your friends, you find it difficult to accept my house rules, and you want to constantly challenge my limits. I find it difficult to convince you that you are still too young to face the real world. Those are the difficult periods of father-son relationship. But somehow, along the way, we have modified each other expectations – and we get along fine!

When you first get your Driving License, I feel so proud to be a passenger in a car driven by you. Finally, I have a “Free Driver”.

When you first go to college, I felt a sense of relief – you have taken the first step into another new environment and adulthood. I begin to realized that you are now a young man capable of making rational decision, and I am getting old. I am counting the days of your graduation and my retirements !

During this college breaks, you start your first job working part time in a company in Petaling Jaya. With your formal attire, I suddenly realized, you are actually taller than me physically. With your first smile coming back from work, I also realized, emotionally and mentally you are even taller than me!

Ivan, you are my son. For better or for worse, and no matter what. I accept you for what you are. You are now a man of your own. But, I still want to remind you that you are an Asian. You must never forget our Asian’s roots and our Asian’s values. I am always very proud of you !!