Tuesday, September 15, 2009

As I see it.....

I felt very sad to learn that, Patrick Swayze died at the age of 57 on September 14, 2009. He was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer in January 2008. Since I was diagnosed with cancer in September 2008, I followed closely his 20 months battle with cancer. In addition to subject himself to various treatments, he remain positive and keep his heart,soul, and spirit open to miracles, but sadly, miracle eluded him. I can understand the level of pains he went through, perhaps, death is the ultimate escape from the physical miseries inflicted by the dreaded illness. May he rest in peace.

As I see it, cancer is a dreaded disease. For previous 12 months, in my search to seek cure for my illness, the so called modern medicines also subjected myself to endure so much unbearable pains and discomforts. I also have to endure the humiliation and anxieties of the various treatment procedures. On the spiritual side, I am also constantly being disturbed by some misguided souls who advised me to abandon treatment and seek the healing miracles of prayers to the Almighty. Initially, I went for prayers after prayers, and eventually realized that, these are all futile exercises. My take on these is, healing comes from within, and it got nothing to do with the Almighty, and I sincerely do not think the Almighty is capable to heal sicknesses. Ever wonder why there are so many deaths from illnesses all over the world ? I guess, when we are healthy and wealthy, we can always praise the lord for blessing us with health and wealth, but when we are sick, it is every man his own ! We got to believe in ourself to seek cure and move on with life.

At times, as the intensity of the level of pains increased, I resigned myself to the fact that I am fighting a losing battle. It is not that I am not positive or give up easily, but, I am only a human being unaccustomed to all these new found pains, discomforts, and sufferings, and there is a threshold on how much I can take. In my attempt to prolong my life, is it worth it if this prolong life span is tainted with pains and degradations ? Although I count myself lucky to be surrounded by caring family members and friends, but when dealing with this terminal illness, it is about me and how I deal with my fear of the eventualities. I do not think my family members and friends understand my state of minds, because I myself, at times, also wandering and lost in my own state of confusions. Sometimes, I do wonder whether it would be better off for me and my family members if I just end it – no more sufferings, no more fears, no more uncertainties, and most important of all, I am no more a burden to my loved ones.

Coming back to reality, I know, I can not be so irresponsible to neglect the emotional well beings of my loved ones. The least I can do now, is to keep fighting like a warrior and not to let them down. I will continue to keep my mind and heart open to miracles. I walked through the most difficult patch of my life during the previous 12 months, from now on, how much tougher can it be ? Perhaps, I will be lucky soon. I know, as long as I stay clear of negative emotions and never give up, I will eventually find a way to overcome.

Praise the lord.....


Anonymous said...


I can understand how you feel about spiritual and God stuff. My take on this is very simple. Yes, all healing lies within, how your mind thinks affects your bodily functions, immune system, hormones and healing capability, etc. However, humans being humsns tend to be negative in crisis especially when facing sickness. Thus, when we believe and trust in the Lord, we become positive and it is when we become positive and have hope in life that true inner healing begins.

I know you have been tussling between this idea of God and practical steps you need to take to cure cancer. Here lies the answer, the spiritual belief is required to give you the inner strength to continue fighting and overcome the cancer. We need both as God will not help those who does not first help himself. You are on the right track brother.

All the Best.


A Caring Brother

hoon said...

Praying for you, Kiat
and this verse came to me:
2 Cor 4:16-18 says, "Therefore we do not give up, but even if the man we are outside is wasting away, certainly the man we are inside is being renewed from day to day. For though the tribulation is momentary and light, it works out for us a glory that is of more and more surpassing weight and is everlasting; while we keep our eyes, not on the things seen, but on the things unseen. For the things seen are temporary, but the things unseen are everlasting."

suet fun said...

You are right CK, about the aloneness of your experience. Each of us have to deal with our own mortality, sooner or later. Your courage though is great, and I wish for you a good and peaceful passage, as you so deserve my friend.

I was pleased to see your herb garden. It grows well, a testimony of your own capacity to continue nurturing life.

Anonymous said...

I think those people who ask you to go for spiritual treatment - with all good intents - shouldn't be called misguided souls? My aunt has terminal breast cancer too, we're Buddhists, and she chants her prayers diligently to prolong her life. And she also goes for her cancer chemotherapy. And in Buddhism we have records of people who prayed sincerely to the Buddha and recovered from their cancer. The way I see it, it depends on whether your time on earth is up...

Anonymous said...

Just try to keep busy with plans ahead on what to do. Keep your mind busy with hobbies or learn something new. A tiger must hunt.

Dozens of drugs are in development or being tested in trials for pancreatic cancer, Cohen said. One such medication is paclitaxel, which is currently only approved for breast cancer but has shown promise experimentally in pancreatic tumors, he said.

Search for clinical trials research on pancreatic canner.

Dua cent input.

boona said...

Dear brother,I understand the frustrations and sufferings that you have undergone the past year,
more so when you are alone and all thoughts come flooding in your mind.Hope my prayers will help you in whatever way it may manifest. i will continue praying for you.Enjoy each day as it comes.The love showered by Lily, Ivan and all loved onesgreatly adds to the meaningful struggle that you are going through now.Love from us in Taiping.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, forgot to mention: try eating vegetarian food (as in healthy cooked vegetables). It's pretty tasty!

LeongHuat said...


Yes, keep fighting. You'll never know if there's a miracle for you.

I've read that Patrick Swayze died not from his cancer but by medication :- http://naturalnews.com/027030_cancer_chemotherapy_Patrick_Swayze.html

I came across another report on low-carbohydrate diet that may suppress your cancer :-http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/05/090526140842.htm

You may want to google more info low-carb or/and, dare I say, do fasting, after you gain back your weight/health.

Low Yin Sen said...


My best wishes to you and You can do it only if you believe you can.