Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Death be not proud ?

A Journey,
on a road
that was so bumpy,
on a path
that was less traveled.
My dream, my dream,
so near, yet so far.
When would I be able
to rest my tired body ?

At times,
my dreams went wandering,
on a garden
that seemed so transitory
and yet
withered in vain glory.......
My maker,
what is the purpose of life ?

I see a promised land,
that is so strange and cold.
It is so far,
yet it is only a breath away.....

As my strength withered,
what I inscribed in my heart,
would I be able to carry forth ?
Would my love and deeds
forever sparkles, shines, and wraps
the people I love ?
Will they understand the tears I shed ?

All those strange language,
that has been whispered into my ears,
I fear not.
I know, when death come,
there shall be peace.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Fragment from the past............

I remembered, many years ago, I rented a small single storey house in Sri Petaling at a rental of RM 280 per month, and my office was located in downtown Kuala Lumpur. As a result, I was a frequent user of the old Sri Petaling and Kuala Lumpur trunk road.

During those days, my salary was barely enough to cover my monthly expenses, but I managed. And, I felt lucky to at least have a job. I did work hard because I do not want to lose my job. Most of the times, I worked past normal office hours. Usually, by the time I am on the road home, it was probably around 10:00PM.

Thinking of those days does bring back some “pleasurable” memories.

I am not saying that the Police is corrupted. However, I do encountered many little experiences dealing with corrupted police personnel on the road. Without fail, if my memory served me right, every week, there would be at least one or two incidences of my vehicle being flagged down by the police during the night while I traveled from office to home. And usually, the policeman accused me of speeding ( even though I am cocksure that I am not speeding ), and it is always theirs words against mine. The police man will always end up asking me : “Mau Selesai ? “ ( which means – do you want to settled ? ). To cut a long story short, “selesai” here means you end up folding two RM10 notes, tucked in between your Driving license and National Identification Card, then passed it to the policeman. The police man will somehow expertly removed the money between the two cards, then return the cards to you. You are then free to carry-on with your drive home.

What if I refuse to “Selesai” with the policeman ? I did ask them this question before because I know I did not commit any traffic violation. The police man impressed upon me that, if I don't pay – up, they will escort me to the police station to make life miserable for me. Well, when you are tired and wanted to go home eagerly to rest, there is no point arguing with those uniformed bastards. I always paid up. Mind you, I am so experienced with this frequent encounters that I always keep 2 pieces of RM10 notes in my car compartment. Whenever I was stopped by the police on the same stretch of road, right or wrong, as soon as I wind down the window, I will just handover my diving license and National Identification Card together with RM20 in between to the policeman. Within minutes, the policeman will ask me to move on so that they can preyed on the next “victims”.

Sometimes, I end up paying more than RM 200 a month to those bastards in order to have a smooth passage home. I told myself, this can't go on indefinitely, and there must be a cheaper alternative. Bingo, I did found out a cheaper alternative ! I went to the Chinese shop specializing in selling joss sticks, etc to buy a few stack of “Hell Notes”, folded them carefully to make them look like RM 10 notes.

On the next incidence I was stopped by the police, I confidently slipped the Hell Notes between my cards and passed it to the police. Surprisingly, they just accept it and let me move on. Before I start my car engine, I always say a silent prayer, the prayer goes something like this “may you bastard have the early opportunity to use the note in hell”. Miraculously, after 2 further incidences, I was never stopped by police again. Buddha does work in a miraculous way. I presumed those uniformed bastards either never dare to station themselves on that stretch of trunk road to demand bribes, or they already end up in hell with a bundle of useless hell notes !

Thinking back, those early incidences do ingrained a negative perception of our police force in my mind. Until today, I do have my doubt on the integrity and honesty of the police force. Whatever they said, I will have to take their words with many pinches of salts.

Whatever it is, I guess, my prayer and my little creativities does work ! The moral of the story is, do not wronged a Buddhist, you may end up in hell !

Namo Amithaba Buddha.....................

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Moving on ?

The week that was has been eventful and tiring. Work wise, the environment in the office has been a source of constant irritants. I had been planning to change the office business model in anticipation of handover in early 2009. I figured, the best way for me to exit is to reposition the company, simplify process, and evolve a new business model. In the process of doing so, it caused some instability among personnel. I am amazed that for such a small office, there are so much politics. I guess, in any office, at times, different priority and different expectation do give rise to unhealthy office politics.

Over the past one month or so, I had a staff who has been taking half day leave to attend job interview elsewhere. As a management personnel, I believe it is the rights of the staff to seek job elsewhere to upgrade his career. As the Chinese saying goes, it is better for me to “close one eye”, and approve whatever leave the staff need, to attend whatever job interview he can secured. I even gave good references to that particular staff. I honestly believed the particular staff is incapable to be trained due to his limited technical skills, lack of initiative, and indiscipline. I just do not want to waste my my time with him because I do not think he can fit into the new business model. I figured, it is better for me to invest in new people than to cultivate tolerance to problem personnel.

In “closing one eye”, I regretted that I had indirectly contributed to the negative working environment in the office. The particular personnel developed the arrogance of insubordination thinking that he is indispensable to the company. He even approach my administration department to open brag about his job interview and impose himself to demand salary increment. Stupid fella barking at the wrong wall to seek salary increment, and in the process, created unneccessary animosity for himself. As far as I am concerned, I will only adjust compensation package based on performance evaluation and direct frank discussions. For the time being, I am in no mood to award uncommitted personnel. And definitely, I am in no mood to retain people who I believe no longer fit into my new business plan. I had been in this industry for so many years, I am definitely confident to believe that nobody is indispensable. So, I call the personnel up to have a friendly discussion to seek his agreement to resign. Because, I honestly believed it would be much better off for him to move on his career with other organization. Not a bad discussion after all, a win – win situation, he agreed to resign, and I have one less hindrance in my new business plan.

Like I said before, I am a salmon on reverse journey. I just want to make my simpler and easier. I had made up my mind to handover the company in 2009, I will do the necessary to make my exit easier, whoever stand in my way will be subtly removed – without stress, without fear, and definitely without tears.

Looking at things as it is, I guess I am way out of schedule, but I will manage and adapt to move on. I will take on the problem one day at a time, whatever will be, will be.

Now less digress a bit, I received a cute email on Saturday morning from a friend. Well, the content of the email does bring me back to my senses of humanity. Here goes the content of the email :

I will be there.

If one day you feel like crying,
Call me.

I don't promise that I will make you laugh,
But I can cry with you

If one day you want to run away--
Don't be afraid to call me.
I don't promise to ask you to stop...
But I can run with you

If one day you don't want to listen to anyone...
Call me.
I promise to be there for you.
And I promise to be very quiet.

But if one day you call...
And there is no answer...
Come fast to see me.
Perhaps I need you.

Namo Amithaba Buddha, Good NiteZZZZZZzzzzzzzz.......

Monday, July 14, 2008

Of broken tooth......

I was told by wifey that there is an authentic Malay restaurant that serve good Malay foods in Klang. So, off I went with my wife and a good friend of mine to the restaurant for Saturday's lunch.

Without doubt, the food was good, and reasonably priced. In my eagerness to satiate my desires for hot and spicy foods, I accidentally chewed on a grain of sand ( or perhaps, a little minute pebble) that came with the rice. I broke my tooth. I can't imagine my tooth was so brittle that a tiny little speck of sand can break it.

I guess, I can make an issue and sue the restaurant owner for not exercising due care to ensure the rice they served are not contaminated with other unwanted residues. But would that made me feel better ? I guess, as a Buddhist, whatever will be, will be. I shall save my breaths, and acknowledge it as my karma. However, I swear, I will never eat in that restaurant again !

I don't hate dentist, but believe me, throughout my adult life, a dental clinic is the last place I would go. But, Buddha said, if you have a tooth problem, stop praying to imaginary God, go see a dentist ! So, I managed to make an appointment with the dentist on Sunday morning. The dentist inspected the damage, told me that the tooth was quite badly broken at the root. His professional opinion is to have a surgical extraction. A few anesthetic jabs later, what is left of the broken tooth was removed. The dentist gave me some pain killers just in case I need it later part of the day. And, I was poorer by RM 150 !

I was put on liquid diet for the whole of Sunday in order not to have any chances of solid foods causing further damage to the sore gums.

The Hokkiens used to say “ Boh geh sai, come too boo a lau chi bai !” This eventual possibility doesn't sound attractive to me. Well, too many teeth have gone missing in my fowl mouth, it is about time I start paying attention to oral hygiene to preserve what is still available. Otherwise, it is difficult to imagine that, one day, I will end up toothless.

Moral of the story is, Don't Eat Malay Foods ?

Friday, July 11, 2008

Salman Rushdie

Salman Rushdie wins "Best of Booker" award

LONDON (Reuters) - British author Salman Rushdie won the "Best of the Booker" prize on Thursday to mark the 40th anniversary of one of the world's most prestigious literary awards.

Read further HERE.

Congratulation ! Sir Salman Rushdie. May the Almighty grants you the talents to author more beautiful novels. Peace be upon you.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008


It has been very hectic for me over the past few weeks. Firstly there are simply too many documents to be organized and to be placed in order. I don't know what got into me, somehow, I do have an eerie feeling that, if anything unwelcome happened to me, at least those documents can set my family in the right track to move on in life.

I also realized, there are so many friends out there I had lost contact with. I would like to make it a point to visit every one of them. Most of these friends are from my childhood times, and of course there are also those I met during the course of my career. I guess, as I grow older, I am beginning to drift into sentimentalism of reminiscing those “good old days” of boyish friendship and solidarity.

Work wise, I look forward to early retirement in another 6 months time. But can I make it ? There are simply just too many loose ends to tie, and too many unknown variables to manage. I started this business many years ago. In the beginning, I enjoy what I am doing, as it expand, it was very challenging to keep it going, but now, I found it heart aching to part with it. Whatever it is, I will give it a try to retire and pursue other course in life.

Looking at the recent photographs of myself. I do wonder, that man, with wrinkles on the forehead, sagging eye bags, and bulging tummy, is that me ? I do indeed look like my father ! I feared growing old, but between aging and forever young, do I have a choice ? Would investing in anti aging creams set my biology clock backwards ? Like it or not, I have to accept the law of nature gracefully and accept the finality of the ultimate transformation of energies.

I am beginning to like to listening to FM radio and those oldies songs of the 70's, appreciate things that are imperfect, and care less of what others think of me. On the positive sides, I think I am also getting more sentimental and compassionate. But, I am also getting less tolerance of ideas that is not compatible with mine. After all, I do want to impose that, as I grow older, I acquired the wisdom to earn the rights to be wrong. I guess, I've aged.

Life. Have I past my prime ? Whatever it is, I am going to be very practical about it. I am not going to cry because I missed my opportunities or because it is over, I will try to wear a smile because they happened.

You know, when you were born, you cried, but the rest of the world rejoiced. Are you going to cry all the way to the grave ? Welcome to the real world, suckers ! Life is indeed full of ups and downs. We spend all our youth to smoothen out life's rough edges, just when when we are about to harvest the fruits of our labours, poor health set in, we grow old, and became useless ! Aging, is indeed a scary process.

Life, I longed for love and respect, I quested for knowledge with passion, and I also have unlimited endurance to the sufferings that came attached. I have so much reverence for life that is inspired by love and guided by knowledge. But in my deepest fear, I know, at the end of the day, death is always the ultimate certainty. Is life worth living ? Perhaps, on the other dimension, eternity awaits those tired souls..........

Friday, July 04, 2008

Deja Vu Sodomiskah ?

Making police reports, statutory declarations, sodomy, and maybe even playing with C4 seemed to be Malaysians favorite past times.......

First we have our own Malaysian favorite blogger, Raja Petra Kamaruddin, filing a statutory declaration claiming Rosmah Mansor (the wife of Malaysia's Deputy Prime Minister) together with two high ranking Military personnel were present at the crime scene when the Mongolian woman, Altantuya Shaariibuu, was murdered on Oct 19, 2006. The Deputy Prime Minister is Najib Abdul Razak. Najib's father was the former Prime Minister who declared emergency rules during the infamous and bloodied May 13 racial riots of 1969.

Talking about May 13 1968 racial riots, it doesn't really matter who started the May 13 riots, but one thing for sure, all those mother fuckers who were directly involved in the May 13 racial riots are now burning in hell. I presumed their descendants are now either in living hell or are about to say konichiwa to hell.....

Then we have a 6 feet tall 23 years old man making a police report alleging that he was raped ( sodomized ) by a man who is 62 years old and having back problem. That 62 years old man is Anwar Ibrahim, the De facto Leader of Pakatan Rakyat. The 23 years old man is Saiful Bukhari Azlan. From the various photos pasted on the Internet, this young man seemed to be very well connected with quite a number of Government's ministers. Hmmm..... “ANALogy” seemed to be a favorite past times of Malaysia politics. I still can not comprehend how an old man is capable to overpower a young man to force his penis into a young man's anus. Perhaps, Anwar Ibrahim is an expert Silat Master – Kungfu ala Melayu ?

Not to be outdone, we have another Malaysian of Indian origin filing a Statutory Declaration that our Deputy Prime Minister was romantically involved with the murdered Mongolian woman before she was C4ed. That man is P. Balasubramaniam. He once worked as Political analyst Abdul Razak Baginda's Private Investigator. Abdul Razak Baginda is currently on trial for abetting the murder of Mongolian woman, Altantuya.

And today, less than 24 hours later, the same Balasubramanian called another press conference to state that he has made a second statutory declaration to retract his first statutory declaration. He said “I was compelled to affirm the said statutory declaration under duress". If he is so easily compelled to make the first Statutory Declaration, will he also be easily compelled to make a third Statutory Declaration to retract the second Statutory Declaration and restore his first Statutory Declaration ? Well, we are all living in this blessed bolihland. What else is not possible ?

Hmmm...... it does remind me of the saying that “Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.“ It seemed to me that, politics in Malaysia is indeed getting very decadence ! So, any more police reports, statutory declarations, press conferences, etc. ? Bring it on, Malaysia......

Ahhhhh.... politicians can do whatever shameless stunts they want to sustain their political survival. But back to reality, it is getting late now, tomorrow is another tough day ahead for average wage earner like me. Before I go to bed, perhaps, the following statement is worth its 2 cents of salts :
truth can
be used as
a foundation for
a mountain of lies,
and if we dig down deep
enough in the mountain of lies,
and bring out that truth, to set it
on top of the mountain of lies; the entire
mountain of lies will crumble under the weight of
that one truth, and there is nothing more devastating to a
structure of lies than the revelation of the truth upon which
the structure of lies was built, because the shock waves of
the revelation of the truth reverberate, and continue to
reverberate throughout the Earth for generations to
follow, awakening even those
people who had no
desire to be
to the
-- Delamer Duverus --
Good NiteZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz...... Namo Amithaba Buddha

Wednesday, July 02, 2008


Times running out ?