Monday, October 30, 2006

Rights to Intolerances ?

Has it occured to you that intolerance is a new form of mental sickness ? There are times human beings are subjected to psychological and emotional intimidation to conform to unfair thoughts, opinions, and threats. A sane man will usually walks aways from these ignorant fools rather than to confront to suffer fools' irrationalities. But, how far can human beings strecth their limits to accomodate these intolerances ? Shouldn't there be a mental institutions to confined those self proclaimed righteous intolerance and ignorance people into mental institution to minimize harms to humanity ?

Usually, people suffering from mental illness are deluded from reality. They are incapble of differentiating rights from wrongs. They live in a virtual world of halucinations surrounded by delusions. Sometimes, they turn violences, and sometimes they become vocal with their obscenities. Look around you, isn't that these characteristic of mental illness resemblanced intolerance people.

Self righteous intolerance people actually idolized freedom, yet in the name of God and racial rights, they ignorantly and sometimes violently robbed the rights of others. They are incapable of appreciating the diversities of differences. They felt threatened by values of others. Violences and incitements of hatreds are their only mean to defend their values and opinions. They seemed to think that the world owes them a living, and they want their rights to be respected, but felt that it is their religious and racial rights to deny and trespasss the rights of others. Hypocrites are all the same wherever you go.

What happened to the idea of open mindedness of imparting and receiving knowledges. We are at times critical of others' opinions and way of life. But at the same time, due to prejudices, cultural, and racial ignorances, we are also incapale to conduct self criticisms or accept criticisms from others. And the worst of all, due to our rent seeking mentalities, we expect others to denouce theirs rights to allowed us to behave like arrogant thieves to rob others.

Why human beings as a whole, are no longer capable to exposed their minds to other people's opinion, idea, belief, rights, and way of life ? Why are we now so narrow minded to the extend that we take it as a threat whenever our idea, opinion, religion, rights, and way of life are being challenged or subject to criticism or examination ? What happened to the free spirits of intellectual arguements and discussions. Is our sensitivity that thin, and our belief that fragiled, that we have to resort to intimidation and violences to reclaim our misplaced pride and honour ?

Does it make sense and morally right for the so called defenders of freedom resorting to sending young men and women to invade other countries to restore freedom ? Does it make sense and religiously correct for religious leaders to instigate violences against non believers to propagate their religious values ? In the first place, if the followers understand what they are fighting for, there will be no wars or violences. We are now in a sad state of highly educated but ignorantly not learned.

A small group of self righteous intolerance people, contaminated with the perils of irrationalities and misguided values, are vocally causing dismayed fears and making the world an unsafe place to live. Is it right for the majority of decent human beings to live under the threats of these small group of dieseased people.

No, it is not right at all. And it is insane to take their words as gospel truths. These lunatics should be put into mental instituions so that proper psychiatric care can be provided to them to eliminate further damages to humanity. The United Nations must set-up an international uniformed force to go into those countries to arrest these lunatics, put them on trial on international courts, and rehabilitate them in mental institutions. I am not preaching therapeutic conformism of universal values, but there must be a stop to all these lunatics with their immoral self righteous intolerances. Unlimited tolerances to the social dieses of intolerances will eventuality drive humanity to destructions.

Perhaps, I am sicked and tired of narrow minded people with intolerant attitude, constantly demanding censorship and forcing silences on words and media on the thin excuse of not wanting to upset the fragile mentalities of a small group of noisy, rent seeking, and intolerance mental retards.

Do we forever want to put ourselve undersiege to allow small group of intolerance people to violently barged into and ended civil discussions simply becuase these small group do not have the mental and intellectual capabilities to engage in healthy and productive intellectual discussions ? Do we accept their barbarities as an accepted form of righteousness ? So we force the silence on the law abiding citizens to apease these self righteous intolerance mental retards ? Looking back at history in totality, aren't we willingly allowing the decadences of cultures which we claimed to defend and protect ? On the other hand, aren't we moving into a world of Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World" of thoughts control by subjecting ourselves to close minded censorship and conformity of what "truths" to discuss and what "truths" not to be challenged ? Projecting this state of irrationality further, I would not surprise that, 100 years from now, there will be a scientific unification of all religions, maybe we can called it "the temple of love". Aren't we slowly inching ourselves toward a real non secular state of political Utopia? Am I wrong to state that culture of intolerances has become a real fabric of the world where it is effectively used as a political tool to ensure selfish conformity in many parts of the world ?

We are living in a world of contradictions. "Truths" are at times, hand picked and are not allowed to be contested in the name of sensitivities of intolerance people. Can these truths be given every opportunity to be argued and disputed ? As much as I want to contradict the so called "truths", but I am also mindful of the fear of persecution and intimidation. Of course this is my perception, but nevertheless, the fear, to me is real. How can a "truth" be accepted as "truth" when it is not allowed to be publicly deabted and rigourously examinated ? Should these so called "truths" be accepted simply because the intolerance people presumed that they are priviledged to determine what is right and the rest are wrong.

The sadest part of humanity is, self righteous intolerance people are begining to churned out hatespeeches and hatreds in the name of freedom of speech. But, at the same times, masked behind religion and racial sensitivities when their basis of values are being questioned and examined. It is absurd to be told that the rights of intolerance people to intolerate and trespass into others' rights can not be questioned or discussed simply because it is sensitive.

It is indeed sickening to see pariahs unshamely churning out politically correct speeches to justify intolerances in religion, race, and culture. The world will be a much better place, if everybody, for a start, can put aside religion, race, and culture to enggage in intellectual discussion and arguement to root out intolerances. Wouldn't it be better if all of us can have the civility and gentlemanly conduct of able to agree to disagreed, and to accept and respect differences among us ? Why behaving like animals to demand, trespass, and seek unequal rights to have bigger territories and domoninances over others ? It is disgusting and despicable for human being using religion, race, and culture as a platform to justify intolerances.

To the so called God fearings and religious people ? Remember, it doesn't matter how many times you pray, or how hard you perceived yourself to be religious. Insincere prayers and faked religiousness are all counted as sins. You shall reaped what you sow. Judgement day awaits you. See you in HELL. Heheheheeeeeee.

Om Mani Padme Hum. Om Namo Amithaba Buddha.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

God said it's Ok to kill Gays ?

We are indeed living in an increasingly demented world with sickening thoughts, opinions, and misguided values being forced down on us by mad clerics, lunatics, and half past six religious men.

Last week, I am puked by the reported sermon given by an asshole in Australia to degrade women. Tonite, this piece of equally sickening news attracted my attention. According to a cleric in Manchester, he claims that it is okay to kill gay men in the name of his religion. I was consistently told, the religion he represent is a religion of tolerance and peace. I really need to check the dictionary again to find out the exact definition of these two hypocrited words.

At the home front, I was saddened by a local news report that religious enforcement officers raided a hotel room occupied by an American couple ( a retired American policeman Randal Barnhart, 62, and his wife Carol, 61 ) at 2:00AM in the morning in Langkawi and demanded to see their marriage certificate. What is the purpose of terrorizing an old American couple ? Sickening !

Such a noble idea of religious values but screwed up mentalities. Religiously educated but not learned. Man of religion defending the misinterpreted values of God in the hope of gaining selfish favours to attain sainthoods and paradise after they died. But again, I am curious, did God specifically asked these misguided people to defend His values ? I have yet to come across evidences of God presenting himself ordering human beings to commit violences in his name. To be fair, I have heard of many real incidences of Jesus Christ visualized himself to save many lost souls in their moment of crisis. The elusiveness of spirituality is indeed a fertile ground to be abused by lunatics in their hallucinated state of minds to talk nonsenses and preached intolerances to other brainless souls, to have misguided purpose in life. SAD.

I am not a gay nor do I encourage homosexuality or lesbianisms. But we need to respect the basic tenets of human rights. It is really not up to us to insist how others should lead their lives. If we believe in God and abides by his teachings, the most fundamental religious commitment we should hold sacred, is to respect, honour, and defend other people's ways of life and religion.

For heaven sake, please practice your so called sacred religious values in your own home and stop looking at other people's backyard to seek respect for your religion. You will get none. Respect are earned but not through intimidations. If you don't like meat, then by all means, please don't touch the meats. If you don't like gays or lesbians, please don't become a gay or lesbians. If you don't like adultery, please do not commit adultery. BUT please refrained from imposing your values to infringe and trespass into other people's rights. Every religion has their own values. And every human beings has the rights to adopt their own choices and preferences. What makes you think that your religion is far more superior than other religion ? Who give you the rights to criticize other people's way of life ? God ?

A person who has no self respect, low self esteem, and suffering from inferiority complex will always attempt to ignorantly glorify and propagate his own religion and way of life as superior. Like it or not, this is an established fact. Please seek no more apology when you are perceived as what you are by your own words, deeds, and actions.

As much as you want other to tolerate and your religion and way of life, you need to initiate the action first to practice tolerance and respect for others. This is called karma. If you don't understand this concept, please ask any Buddhist, they will be most happy to enlighten you in a very PEACEFUL manner.

In sincerity and with highest respect to MY OWN RELIGION, let me say this to you " Peace be with you, peace be unto you, peace be radiate from you, and peace be your way of life. May the almighty with his amazing grace blessed you with a tongue that is incapable of inciting hatreds and ignorances. May the almighty with his greatest wisdom blessed you with a brain that is capable of rational thinkings. May the almighty with his merciful forgiveness blessed you with a heart that is capable to love and reject violences."

Let those who commits no sin cast the first stone. We are all sinners. We are all sinners. And, how come some perverted sinners think they have higher morality then the rest of the sinners ? One cuckold flew over rest and over the nest and have no where to land. Namo Amithaba Buddha. Om Mani Padme hum...

( - Ireland Gay online magazine )
24 October 2006

The leading imam in Manchester, confirms that he thinks the execution of sexually active gay men is justified, the rights group Outrage reported.

Arshad Misbahi of the Manchester Central Mosque confirmed his views in a conversation to John Casson, a local psychotherapist.

Casson said: "I asked him if the execution of gay Muslims in Iran and Iraq was an acceptable punishment in Sharia law, or the result of culture, not religion.

"He told me that in a true Islamic state, such punishments were part of Islam: If the person had had a trial, at which four witnesses testified that they had seen the actual homosexual acts."

"I asked him what would be the British Muslim view? He repeated that in an Islamic state these punishments were justified. They might result in the deaths of thousands but if this deterred millions from having sex, and spreading disease, then it was worthwhile to protect the wider community."

"I checked again that this was not a matter of tradition, culture or local prejudice. 'No,' he said, 'It is part of the central tenets of Islam: that sex outside marriage is forbidden; this is stated in the Koran and the prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) had stated that these punishments were due to such behaviours.'"

Gay man rights campaigner Peter Tatchell said, "It is disturbing that some British imams are endorsing the execution of gay and lesbian Muslims.

"Imam Arshad Misbahi's homophobic attitudes give comfort and succor to queer-bashers. They encourage conflict and disharmony between Manchester's large gay and Muslim communities.

"Muslim and gay people know the pain of prejudice and discrimination. We should be working together to challenge homophobia and Islamophobia. I hope liberal Muslims will speak out in defense of the human rights of lesbians and gay men," said Tatchell.

"Islam is a very tolerant religion and celebrates the human diversity in its core message," Ali said.

"The holy book Qur'an does not mention anywhere about the execution or killing of human beings on the basis of their sexuality. What surprises is this obsession of the Islamic clerics to killing and execution. Why? What about dialogue? Discussion?

"Arshad Misbahi's comparison of same-sex relation to adultery is nothing but ignorant and utterly irresponsible rhetoric, manifesting the wrong teachings of Islam. The media should . . . not take it for granted as the general view of the Muslim community all over."

Saturday, October 28, 2006

A shadow of certainty ?

I have
my troubled past,
and my glorious past.
It seemed,
I am contented with the present.
But am I in control of the present ?
The present,
will it dictates my future ?
What will it be ?
How can I ensure
a better future for my loved ones ?

I fear not the future nor the present.
I fear nothing,
but the shadow of of my fear.
My physical state is constant,
and my fears at times
are measurable and predictable.
But that elusive formless shadow,
grasped not, contained not,
varies with perception from different angles.

Is that elusive shadow my own ghost ?
Of my not so glorious pasts,
unwelcomely tagging along, to haunt me ?
To remind me
of my misdeeds of despite ?
or to challenge me
to let go of future responsibilities ?

In silence I do fear.
How can I find a tongue for my silence,
to turn these fears into ballads of life normalcy.
And a ballad of celebration of life and its purpose.<

Oh Almighty,
you have shined a light on me,
when my world is in darkness, and
when I am at my darkest moment of despair.
That shadow is
merely a reflection of my wronged priority
for wealth, honour, fame, and arrogances.

I fear not now my shadow.
That shadow reminds me
that I am still alive,
that you are always up there,
guiding me out of uncertainty
and life's dark patches.

My heart,
my mind
fears not the shadow of doubts.
The time shall come.
And I shall
meet the tides with no fear,
but with a peaceful and contented mind.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Blame it on the Women........

I found this news article appeared in very disturbing. A religious cleric in Australia described women as meats and blaming them for rape crimes. Such high standing and righteous religious leader can have such low self respect and barbaric mentality. If women are such degrading meats to him, perhaps he should tell us from which degrading meat's hole he crawled out from.

Some women have inner beauty and some women have expressive beauty. There is nothing wrong for women to show or parade their beauty. You have problem with women in beautiful dresses that attract your attention ? You have problem dealing with beautiful and sexy looking women ? What is the matter with you ? Having problem to control your animal desires to rape women ? God has also taught us to appreciate and respect all things beautiful. If you can not accept this doctrine of civil society and women's rights, please go back to your cave and draw whatever you want on the cave. You can also shout at the cave to hear your own echoes.

How a woman want to be dressed, carried herself, how she walked, and who she mixed with, is really none of the cleric's business. There are such thing called Human rights, liberty, and personal choices. If you can not come to terms to have basic respect to these basic requirements of human rights, please don't resort to such preaching to promote your ill mannered teachings. Put it bluntly, your sermon stinks, and so is your meats at home ! I do not know which angle or which hole you came from, but for heaven sake, please stop your misguided hatreds against women. Please do yourself a favour, go see a psychiatrist. Do you really get any demented satisfaction for inciting and instigating disgusting crimes against women ? What have the women in your life done to you that resulted so much misplaced hatreds in you to equate women with these kind of derogatory remarks ?

The idea that women are to be blamed for rapes are sickening. Only uncivilized barbarians are capable of this kind of words with their pea brains and maggot's tongues. I am equally sicked to know that there are actually subspecies out there willing to be indoctrinated with this kind of derogatory preachings against women.

You demanded to be respected. You wanted to be respected. You cried biases against you. You denouced injustices. You demanded equality. But before you go further with your faked righteousness, please take a mirror and have a serious look at yourself. Put your right palm on the left side of your chest. Can you feel your heart beats ? Now, in sincerity and honesty, tell the whole world you indeed have some basic qualities that show some resemblances to human beings.

My sincere apology to you if you felt offended with my disagreement to your opinion on women.

Funny, where are all those "righteous" apology seekers. It basically confirmed our observations that this world is full of international pariahs preaching all their perverted and disgusting values and faked righteousness in all the wrong places. These people has perfected the art of actions that are consistently inconsistent with their words.

Muslim cleric triggers outrage by blaming women for rape
( Oct 26th 2006, )
By Elsa McLaren and agencies

Australia's most senior Muslim cleric has triggered international outrage for describing women who dress immodestly as "uncovered meat" who are inviting a sexual attack.

Sheik Taj Aldin al-Hilali - the Mufti of Australia - condemned women who "sway suggestively", wear make-up and no hijab or Islamic headscarf, in a Ramadan sermon to 500 worshippers, The Australian reported.

Islamic leaders are today meeting in Sydney to discuss his future and are considering whether to sack him from his role as the most senior cleric at the city's largest mosque.

John Howard, the Prime Minister, said that the cleric's comments were "appalling and reprehensible".

He told reporters: The idea that women are to blame for rapes is preposterous. I not only reject the comments, I condemn them unconditionally."

Mr al-Hilali, who arrived in Australia in 1982 from Lebanon on a tourist visa and later fought attempts to deport him, has triggered controversies in the past.

In 2004 he said in a sermon in Lebanon that the September 11 attacks were "God's work against the oppressors." The cleric later said that he did not mean that he supported the attacks, or terrorism.

Race relations in Sydney are volatile following riots between the white and Middle Eastern youths last December. As summer arrives the city's authorities fear that troubles may explode again and police have begun patrolling the area where the riots took place.

In a statement today, the outspoken cleric apologised for his comments and said: "I had only intended to protect women's honour, something lost in The Australian presentation of my talk."

He was reported in the newspaper as saying that he only meant to refer to prostitutes as meat, and not any woman who does not wear a hijab, but the paper said there was no mention of the word prostitute in the sermon.

A spokesman for the Egyptian-born cleric said that his comments, made last month, had been taken out of context in the newspaper report, but did not challenge the accuracy of the paper's translation.

During the sermon al Hilali said: "If you take out uncovered meat and place it outside on the street, or in the garden, or in the park, or in the backyard without cover, and the cats come to eat it ... whose fault is it, the cats' or the uncovered meat?

"The uncovered meat is the problem. If she was in her room, in her home, in her hijab, no problem would have occurred."

The Australian also reported that he said that women were "weapons" used by "Satan" to control men.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

10 Realities of Life

An optimist with a pessimistic observations of life's realities. The 10 realities of life as I see it :

  1. Loyalty is Dead. - When an employee or subordinate swear to you that "I am loyal to you and this company", be very worried and be very careful. He or she is probably trying to buy more time to execute or hide his tracks of betrayals. Since time immemorial, humans by nature are greedy and untruthful. The only reason they stayed loyal are because they are being paid well. They will definitely switch camp if others can offer them better money. If you have the unfortunate scenario of a sinking ship, you can bet your last dollar that it is every man by himself. I am not being pessimistic, but defensive. "Trust your instinct and trust no one". The person who is most likely to betray you is your most trusted lieutenant. The person who is most likely to stand by you is the one who criticize you the most.
  2. Money can not buy everything, but it buys Respect. -We are natured and nurtured to adapt to this selfish, self centred, and hedonistic world. Materialism reigns supreme. People respect you for what you have, not your values of moral qualities and integrity. Money buys you power and comforts. With power, you command followers. Without money, you are nothing but a nuisance to the so called righteous people. With money, when you laugh, the whole world laugh with you. Without money, when you laugh, eveeverybody thinks that you are crazy or seeking attention. Absolute wealth command absolute respect and loyalty.
  3. Human beings are, by defaults, hypocrites. -These world is full of morons who cried injustices in other part of the world, but felt no shames or guilts executing injustices in their own country. When they are the majority, they claim it is their birth rights to discriminate the minority. But when they are the minority, they demand their rights to be respected by majority.
  4. Religions are the major causes of Violences in this world. - Do I need to say more ? Just look around you, and tell me which war is not instigated by religion. It puked me to see holy men blessing the soldiers to go to wars. It is equally sickening to hear religious men inciting misguided followers to conduct act of terrors and violences in the name of religions.
  5. Poverty eradication means denying the poor to enrich the rich - As long as the poor are not educated, they are not learned, and their simple minds will be continued to be manipulated by the rich to become poorer. And the rich will continue to be richer. The poor are intentionally engineered to be poor so that it can be used as political tool by politicians to consolidate and perpetuate their immoral stay in power. Can our politicians honestly answer me what percentage of the money allocated in the name of affirmative actions actually reach the poor ? I would not be surprised that the bulk of the money are eventually end-up in the pockets of selected privileged few.
  6. We are all being intentional;y misguided to hate the Americans. - Yes, we are all being intentionally misguided to hate the west in general, and the American in particular. For this reason, I do not love the Americans. But aren't we intentionally and dubiously influenced to to be in this state of misplaced hatreds ? Would I be wrong to speculate that our sorry state of ignorance are being capitalized to serve the selfish interest of political elitists to justify their self serving agendas ? Just imagine, what will the world be if America does not exist ? The world will be a better place ? I don't think so. America is probably one of the few freest nations in the world that practice freedom of speech, equality, liberty, and has the gut to stand up to intolerances, injustices, and tyrannies in the world. If America are bad, why did so many intelligent, educated, and hardworking people migrated to America ? If America is a sinful country, then why did so many children of the religious people are being send to America to be educated ? Whether you like it or not, America is probably one of the few remaining countries that separate religions from the government administration so that all are free to practice their faith without being intimidated by extremism, fanaticism, and racism. The constitution of America treats everybody as equal, where there are no special rights to to racial groups but only to individuals.
  7. Prostitution is an honourable profession - Politic is the second oldest profession of mankind. But the way some politicians going about doing their jobs, it definitely has very close resemblance to the oldest profession. So when you blindly placed your trust and future to the politicians, you are simply asking to be whored around. So, when the politician said "Work with me......", you are probably already screwed!
  8. There is a God, but in his name, lots of misguided souls are breds. -A lot of so called God fearing and religiously righteous people claimed to believe in God simply because they have lost faith in their religion. They are afraid of dying simply because they are born a sinner into a sinning family and would most likely die a sinner. As a result, they wholeheartedly being misled into believing in Satanism using violence, persecution, and intolerance as a mean to propagate their misguided belief. God does not authorize transgression and compulsion. Faith believers will always find justifications toward these barbaric state of mind in the hope of being granted favours by God. But God does not grants favours. Noisy mass gathering and demonstration of faiths is, but a misguided attempt to open up spiritual communication with God. But the most sacred place of worship is in your heart. The most powerful place to clean your sin is in your mind. It is indeed sinful to build the most beautiful, biggest, tallest, etc. places of worship to honour God, the money and materials could have been used to feed a lot of less fortunate and save lives. Death in the name of God or any form of perceived righteousness does not guarantee you a place in heaven, but a place in burning hell. Remember, taking law into your own hand does not guarantee you a noble place in society but a hole in jail awaits you.
  9. Life is a lesson imperfectly learned - We are conditioned to constantly upgrade our knowledge. The more learn, the better we become, and the more wealth we accumulate. But by the time you think you are enlightened, it is the right time to whisper goodbye. At the end of the day, the biggest house we finally owned is probably not more that Six feet long, 2 feet wide, and 2 feet in height. The biggest plot of the land we owned is probably going to be 8 feet by 4 feet. So take stock of what you have, enjoy yourself, and be a bit more generous !
  10. Screwed up legality and executive privileges - Anything we said during sex or masturbation should not be construed as part of our religious upbringing, should never be brought up as admissible evidences of our moral upbringing, and should never be used against us for future arguments. In this instant, men should be allowed the executive privilege of declaring the inadmissibility of truth for self defence. It has nothing to do with temporary insanity.

My late father used to tell me that life is not fair and will never be. The only way to overcome this unfairness is to adapt to it, get used to it, and make the most out of it. Even if we have a wonderful career with astronomical salaries, but the sad fact is, we will always end up with the realization that, it will not last, and we still have to come to term with the transitory nature of our mortal existence.

Of late, I always ask myself "What do I want in Life ?" Yah, what do I want in Life ? Maybe I will give up my present career to pursue a less stressful job of selling wantan mee in a coffee shop, or maybe selling durians by the road side.....

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Happy Depavalli

May this celebration of lights remove the darkness clouding your hearts. May Lord Krishna and Satyabhama descends to this earth again to defeat the many Naraka that are causing pains, sufferings, violeneces, and destructions.

Happy Depavalli......

Thursday, October 19, 2006

A year of blogginess....

I started posting my first web log entry in October 2005. By end of this month, it will be one year of blogging! Hmmmm.... time flies.....

I started this blog purely driven by the motivation of finding something productive to fill my sleepless time at nights. I am definitely not an insomniacs. Putting my thoughts and daily experiences in words is, to me, a good way to tire down my otherwise active mind at night. Blogging at night is like taking dosage of sleeping pills, if you know what I mean.

The blog was started without any objective or theme. I basically have the freedom to write what I felt like writings In fact, looking back, I really do not know what I will be writing next. For readers who follow my blog, my apology for the "no sense of purpose" and "no direction" blog. It must be very irritating for some to read about my grumpy rantings and musings.

So, one years has past. I believe, this blog will continue to be "unthemed" and "undirectionaled". looking back and reading some of my own postings, there is only one conclusion I can make of myself. I am indeed a very sarcastic and grumpy middle age man. I guess that is me, is there anything wrong for being "honest" to speak from my "heart" ?

12 months ! Talking about figures, I am indeed surprise to realize that over the short period of 12 months, I have posted 260 web log entries in this blog. On the average, this blog has been visited by about 1000 visitors per months with an average of 800 postings being read daily. At least, with blogging, I know there are still many like minded individuals like me out there in this barbaric universe of ours. So, I am really not alone. And, it is still okay for me to continue my temporary insanity of being a grumpy and sarcastic middle age man.

Honestly, I do have a honest and noble intention in this blog. It would really be a satisfaction for me if this blog can touch some of you out there to believe, adopt, and propagate ethical and righteous behaviors among ourselves. The world would be such a beautiful place for mankind if each and everyone us became a fertile focal point for the cultivation of tolerances. I know, this will not happen in my life times, but I do hope, the time will come for our children to be educated and learned to resolve differences on the basis of rational objectivity rather than being blindly influenced by religions, races, and creeds. On the other hand, I also hope, my future generations can place better emphasis on moderate spiritual development rather than the over emphasis of materials pursuits.

I honestly believed, that this turbulent and sometimes irrational and violent time during this life times of mine is, but a transitionally period towards civiled civilizations. The future world beyond this life spend of mine shall be a peaceful, harmonious, equal, and a happy world for all future citizens of the world.

In this life times of mine, at one time or another, most of us has suffered fools' mentality of racism, prejudice, inequality, religious extremism, cultural intimidations, and all sort of moronic ignorances. What am I going to do about it ? Nothing. Yes, you hear me right. Nothing. I have a very simple believe that, it is not up to me to engage all these racists, religion fanatics, and cultural morons to truths and reasons. If I refused to be intimidated by these inferior subspecies' idiotic behaviors, eventually, these idiots shall be the recipients of their own doings. They shall carried the burdens of their own hatreds till their death. Why should I respond to their stupidities and ignorances. I have better things to do. Why not spend my limited times left to improve myself and my livelihoods. Reasoning with irrational and ignorant subspecies is like talking to pigs. We all know what pigs are capable of. So, sincerely, why waste our breaths ? Why not invest our times on our own children to guide them to become real human beings ?

I have digressed. Back to the original intention of this postings. Well, it has been 12 months since I started this blog. I do sincerely hope, I will be able to carry on writing in this blog for many more months to come............

Life is....

Life is difficult,
full of sorrows and pains.
But, if you fall down,
just stand up,
be confident,
and shout...
"Tiu Nia Sing" who push me !
Kan lin low boo......

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Remembering her......

Tomorrow will be my late mother's 12 years death anniversary. In 1994, my mother, after 2 years fighting with cancer, she lost the battle. One and a half month later, my late father, a perfectly healthy man, lost his will to live. After less than a week of short illness, he died in his sleep.

My mother was born in China, I have forgotten the year of her birth. Her birth date is no longer important to me any more. She was brought to Malaysia by my maternal grandparent as a young girl. They came to Malaysia via Penang and their first place of settlement in Malaysia was the fishing village of Port Weld (Sebetang).

As a young boy and during those times in my early childhood, the only mode of affordable transportation we have then was the old bicycle. Occasionally, I still recalled the vivid visual images of my mother carrying me behind the back of her old bicycle to take me to government clinics whenever I fell ills. Sometime, when she lost faith in the government clinic, she will cycled me to the local places of worship to consult the medium to seek spiritual cures. I also have many good memories of my mother carrying me behind her bicycle to various places of interests in the old Taiping town and vicinity.

As a young boy, I also remember how my mother trembled with fears ( out of ignorant ) whenever the arm force personnel patrolled past our house during period of the infamous May 13 racial riots in 1969.

Looking back, life then and life now are so much different.

1994, was the most difficult year for me then. I was just barely recovered from work related stress and was in my first year of starting a business on my own to start my life afresh. Within a short period of 2 months, I lost both of my parents. I know it was also an emotionally and financially difficult year for my brothers and sisters. Remembered, 1994 was the beginning of economic slowdowns for Malaysia. Despite all the official statistics of the real growth of GDP, as a small businessman, I know these statistics are not real for the past 12 years. Hopefully, this year, 2006, shall be the ending of the 12 years cycle of economic hardships for all Malaysians.

Hopefully, 2007 shall be the beginning of a brand new decade of economic prosperities for all Malaysians, Hopefully.

Back to marking my late mother's death anniversary, since I am the only Taoist male in my family ( my brothers and sisters has converted to Christianity), I will be alone conducting the prayer ritual to mark my mother's death anniversary. I was told it is against Christians' belief to offer prayer to ancestors. I know, in their own private way, my brothers and sisters are also marking the respects to my late mother in their Christian's way tomorrow.

Tomorrow morning, I will have to wake up early morning, probably 6 o'clock in the morning, to go to the wet market to buy the foods and material offerings materials in compliance with the rituals. Some of the offerings I needed to buy are :

  • Sum Seng ( 3 type of meats. 1 Kg roast port, 1 whole steamed chicken, and a big fried fish )
  • Fruits(6 pieces of Oranges, 6 pieces of apples, 6 pieces of pears)
  • SangChoy ( Salad vegetable )
  • My late mother's favourite dishes ( Towyou Bak - soy sauce pork, Kiamchai Towfu teng - Salted vegetable and bean curb soup, Fried noodles, Redbeans soup, etc. )
  • Paper materials ( paper shirts, hell money, wongsang chee, joss sticks, Kim Gin paper, etc. )
  • Did I missed out anything ? No worry, I will consult the Patpor in the wet market tomorrow morning.

My wife has promised to cook and prepare my late mother's favourite dishes and get it ready by 9 o'clock in the morning in times for the prayer. Incidentally, my mother also love black coffee, so, I will remember to brew cup of hot aromatic coffee as offering to her. I don't know, hopefully her soul visit this yang dwellings of her children to savour her favorite dishes and drinks.

Come to think of it, time flies, 12 years has past ! It seemed like yesterday, I can still vividly remembered how my mother pestered me to reduce or quit my smoking habits. I always told my mother, I will quit tomorrow ! and 12 years later, I am still habitually puffing cigarettes ! There are lot of things about my mother that I can still remembered with fondness. But as I grow older, my memory is also beginning to fail me, indeed, there are lot of things about my mother that I can't recalled now. How I wish there is a new technology where we can "burn" all our bitter sweet memories into a compact disc to be opened up as and when we want to view it, and to be cherished forever.

Mother, I still miss you. I shall remember your kindness and sacrifices. I shall cherish those sweet memories of you. May the Almighty continues to bless your souls. May you be happy in the forever beautiful garden of eternity.

Mother, in life, you committed the greatest love and sacrifices for your children. With my bended knee, with sorrows and tears in my heart, I thank you for everything you have done for me. Rest in peace. Om Mani Padme Hum. Om Namo Amithaba Buddha.

The tallest woman in the world

I received this article in my email today :

Yao Defen is arguably the tallest woman in the world. But it's not a title she craves. Defen would happily swap the title and a good two foot to be average height and live a normal life. She has been told she could go blind in a matter of months and die within a year. At only 34 years old she is desperate for one last chance at life.Four years ago Defen was measured for the Guinness Book of Records and came up one centimetre shorter than American Sandy Allan But Sandy is now stooped and in a wheel chair and it appears Defen, the daughter of a Chinese peasant farmer, has kept growing. She is now just over 7ft 8 inches tall. Both women suffer from Agromegaly – a disease resulting from a tumour on the pituitary gland causing it to pump out excess growth hormone. Defen was diagnosed when she was just 15 years old. She was already well over 6ft tall and tests at a local hospital revealed a large tumour was causing her growth spurts. Her family were too poor to pay for surgery so Defen was sent back to her village where she continued to grow and grow. The family home was too small for her to live in so she slept in the stable with the animals. Thirteen years later doctors from another province saw Defen performing in a circus and realising what was wrong with her offered to operate for free. They were able to partially remove the tumour. But now six years later it has grown back and is pressing on her optic nerve. She could go blind in the next few months and die with in a year without complicated surgery. Thanks to a documentary being made for a British Television programme, two of the leading doctors specialising in Acromegaly have offered to help Yao Defen.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Another not so adventurous weekend.........

Saturday and Sunday are usually the days I look forward to. I usually get a lot of personal things done during the weekend at much relax pace. I actually enjoy doing the errands and those little things such as talking to the plants, and sometimes even the ants..... Talking about ants, do you know ants have good sense of humours ?

To backtrack a bit, I actually have a very nasty dream a night before. Two kind angels actually come into my dreams to forewarn me about impending betrayals. The angels actually tell me my own brother is plotting to sabotage my business with his demented plan ( But like they said, that will be another story later if I ever want to reveal the truth). What a weird dream ! I told the angels to f-off, and I will probably take those warnings with many pinches of salts. Before the angels left, one gave me a pen, the other gave me a little yellow book. I will figure out the significants of these unwelcome gifts later at some other times. Come to think of it, life will be very sad if my own brother have the heart to plot my downfalls. But whatever it is, if it come, I will let it be. Probably it was my Karma in my previous life. I would not want to fight off the Vipaka anymore. I really have nothing to loose anymore. Money is of no concern to me now as compared to 10 years ago. I probably already have enough to last till my last breaths.

Forget about the haze. I woke up on Saturday morning, but have problem getting up from the bed. What has happened to me. Did I offended the angels ? Immediately I tried to move my body, there was this sharp unbearable pains at my back above my waist draining away all my energy, as a result, both my legs are rendered useless ! I can not even move my legs ! Probably I unconsciously sprained my back during the sleep the night before.

I have been having this recurrences of severe back pain for a few years already. Based on past experiences, I believe I should be lively again in a week times. So, no worry, no necessity to see the good doctor. I will be well soon. I know, I will.

So, on Saturday, I lived like King of the house but felt miserables. My sons and wife treat my like vegetables, and in fact, I felt like vegetable. Unable to move around as freely as I want. I even have problem sitting up to do my regular reading. So, I can't be "sitting" or "lying" there doing nothing. It is degrading !

I have to find something useful to do ! How about organizing my messy collection of digital photographs ? Why not ? It ihas been long overdue. So, lying on one side, I mean, with one side of my body lying perpendicular to the floor, one soft pillow tucking strategically at my back to restrict any accidental free body movement - the Buddha sleeping posture, I set-up my notebook to organized and upload my personal photographs to By the time I finished, and few hours later, I did managed to upload slightly more than 1000 photographs organized into various folders. Not bad, for a man in semi vegetable state. At least, I am productive.

Saturday came and Saturday went past. An uneventful day, but a blessing in disguise - I have the much needed rest.

Sunday was not much more different than Saturday, In fact, the pains are getting worst. never mind, let it come, I will get used to it. I told myself. I manged and find my way to get up from the bed. Now, I have another problem, I can't bend my body ! It is real challenging to trying to wash my face and brush my teeth. Ahh.. never mind, I will just rinse my mouth with Listerine and get my wife to use a wet tower to freshen my face.

Of all the day, I have chose this Sunday to have my silly urge to have Bak Kut Teh for breakfast ! My wife managed to call a good friend of mine in Klang to tarpow (pack) Bak Kut Teh for my breakfast. As usual, the Bak kut Teh is not bad. I did enjoy my Bak Kut Teh. After the Breakfast, my wife suggested I go shopping complex to do some shopping and hopefully, the "walking around" will loosen my aching muscles. She is probably thinking that I am lazy. Well, why not, how much more painful can it be ? Aided by the walking stick, I did managed to "walk around" for more than 4 hours. Woman ! I shake my head, they are indeed good for shopping. I mean really shopping around. Their stamina and energy really amaze me.

Nevertheless, it was good to have that little bit of stretching exercise in the shopping complex. At least, I can finally stand straight with only a small difficulty. But my problem is, during the night, it is back to square one. I have this problem of lying straight on the bed, I guess my muscles are over stretched, and refused to relax. Last resort, 2 tablets of pain killer did the wonderful magic of getting the must needed rest.

Monday. What about Monday. Not much different from the usual Monday. My strained back is still causing me the nuisance of unbearable pains. The pains are still unbearable as was 2 days ago. But I am beginning to get used to it. In fact, I actually beginning to enjoy that "twitching" pains. Every little "twitching" pain is bringing me a step closer to orgasm! I think the pains must have taken a bit control of my mental state. I am beginning to sound like a sadist.

My wife woke me up. She asked "Are you feeling well to go to the office ?". For a moment she scared the life out of me, I actually thought I saw my angel trying to lead me to the promised land! Sarcastically, I replied "Do I looked sick to you ? Of course, I am going to the office ! Heaven can wait !".

Well, I may not be getting younger. But this old tiger is going to fight to get well soon and show his spirits in the office........ I have better things to do in the office rather than lying or sitting at home doing unproductive things or fantasizing erotic encounters. But coming back to reality, I hope my back pains will ease and I can move about freely tomorrow.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Religiosity breeds insanity ?

The evil
of your belief
never failed to amazed me.
What does peace meant to you ?

In the name
of false injustices,
you commit violences.
You spread hatreds. You propagate lies.
Are you a victim or demented instigator ?

You lead
a life of delusions.
It seemed to me you are
perpetually searching for new enemies.
Who are your enemies anyway ?

You love to hate, You live to hate, You die in hate.
You glorify the culture of hates.
Is this your sacred purity of religiosity ?
Does God asks you to carryout
misdeeds and violences
on his behalf ?

My friends,
Let me tell me this simple noble truth.
Truth hurts, but truth is glorious.
Search no more. Look within yourselves !
Your real enemy is you. Yes, you.

Intolerances, hatreds, greeds,
jealousies, and transgressions within you
maketh you the beast and real monsters !
Your actions unmasked your words.
You are but barbarians that seek glory in violences.

You refused to accept others'
cultures, religions, and ways of life,
Should the world submit to your perverted ignorances ?

You refused to live in peace with others.
Do you honestly believe the world owed it to you
to respect and be sensitive to your insanity ?

Stop the deceiveful cries on self inflicted wounds.
Be fair, respect and acceptance can not be forced.
Please learn to coexist with people around you,
and appreciate the beauties in diversities.

May peace be upon you.
It is still not too late

Believe in Peace.
Live in Peace.
Love peace.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Malaysia...... I love you

If this world is without races and religions, would the world be a very peaceful place ? Imagine if we are all just Malaysian, and not Malay, Chinese, Indian, or "dan lain lain". Just imagine ! And based on the sensationalized, desensationalized, and indirect references of news reportings and commentaries in the local newspapers, we do have a group of very vocal politicians wanting to be racial pariahs.
With utmost respect to the sensitivities to all Malaysian of different ethnic origins, my laymen conclusion is, in Malaysia, we basically have 3 groups of citizens :
(1) I am not given enough group,
(2) I have given up too much group, and
(3) I am not given anything group
Now here, I am not being sarcastic or insinuating. Please hear me out with an open mind and a generous heart. This is my unqualified observation of the mentality of Malaysians. Demand, demand, and more demands without due regards to the well being of each other. As a matter of fact, these 3 groups of people exist within all the races in Malaysia. The analogy is, it is like a wealthy family having a few vocal children where all children demand bigger and bigger portion of the family's wealths without the need to work for it, because all of them felt that it is their hereditary rights to enjoy the existing wealths. If the parents start playing favouritism, then two things will happen, (a) the wealths will eventually run dried because no new wealth being created, and (b) the family will eventually disintegrate into warring factions. In real life, I believe we have all encountered wealthy family disintegrated into insignificant.
Malaysia happens to be a very blessed country with rich resources and some hardworking citizens. But the problem is, if every groups of citizens champion by irresponsible leaders start demanding to have greater wealth at the expense of each other, without putting in real economic efforts, the system will eventually collapse.
The political reality is, in Malaysia, political parties are form along racial lines. The survival of these political parties depend on championing of issues along racial lines. It is a real planning challenge for the present and future political leadership to decide whether they have the political courages to look beyond race and religion in policy formulation and implementation. Political compromises along racial lines have been the hallmarks of Malaysia success in maintaining racial harmony.
Malaysians now need to look beyond racial politic and evolve as a single national citizenry entity of Malaysian to stay efficient to survive in the ever competitive and changing world.
The fact we need to recognize is, there are poor and rich Chinese, Malay, Indian, and "dan lain lains" races in Malaysia. Poverty and lacked of wealths does not discriminate and exist within all races and in everywhere in the world. It is not right to blanketly deny other races the opportunities to acquire wealth simply because there are a small group of people within those races are rich. It is equally not right to systematically favour only a particular race simply because majority within a particular race is "poor". Therefore, in formulating and implementing policies in the name of fair distribution of wealth, Malaysians must have the moral mindset that, affirmative actions to assist the poor must be channelled to the "poors" and "less fortunate" irregardless of race and religion.
My personal perception is, perhaps I am wrong, Malaysians are all well educated but not learned. Discussions on issues related to race and religion can instigate even the most educated person into emotional irrationality and misplaced angers. The sad fact is, their kind minds are easily manipulated by politically bankrupt politicians whose sole purpose is to sustain their political continuity through unpatriotic racialization of issues.
Wouldn't it be better if we can look at strategic issues as national issues rather than selfishly manipulating the issues at racial and communal levels. What is the point of getting the tree but missing the whole forest ?
At one point or another, I do hope it come sooner. We must all recognize the need to evolve Malaysia as a united country that consists of progressive, moderate, and liberal Malaysians. Racial politics must be strongly discouraged during the ongoing process of our young nationhood. Politicians who seek political survival and popularity by championing racial issues must be treated with contempts and taboo. These irresponsible politicians are out there to sustain their personal interests, and should be rejected by all Malaysians.
Selfish demands in name of perceived racial rights will always result in unfair denial of the rights of other groups of Malaysians. This rent seeking mentality should be discouraged and systematically minimized.
The notion of "equality of races" has always been a taboo word in Malaysia. Simply because, if this notion is pursue and discuss, politicians with biased interests will manipulate the issues as transgression of respective racial rights to generate severe discomforts in inter-racial relationship in Malaysia. For a start, maybe the younger generations of Malaysians must be educated to appreciate the moral values of "equality for all Malaysians" and the evils of racial politics.
Whether we like it or not, there are perceived inequalities from within and outside Malaysia. Racism, no matter how you defined it to make it politically correct, is, but racism. Apartheid, not matter how you justify it, is, but apartheid. Words can always be massaged and rearranged to form beautiful self deceiving statements. But what pride do we have in the eyes of the free world ? The question is, do we as Malaysians, have the courage to rise beyond communal interest and personal greeds to champion the national interests for the benefits of all Malaysians ?
Malaysia must be a nation that is proud of her competitive, free, and moral spirits standing united to explore and seek competitive position in the global market place. Otherwise, the world will continue to watch us and clap their hand to acknowledge the clowns.
I am not a political analyst, I am writing this post as a Malaysian who sincerely care for the strategic significant of Malaysia in the World. This posting is not meant to stir racial discomforts or question the racial rights of Malaysians. But as a Malaysian, I do sincerely hope, Malaysians can take greater efforts to put themselves in each others shoes to understand each other's aspirations and frustrations. I do sincerely hope that, in my life time, Malaysia can be evolved into a true meritorious nation of proud "Bangsa Malaysia" with proud traditions of cultural diversities, assuming the indisputable leadership and moral roles in this competitive global village.
I love Malaysia. I love Malaysians. But do Malaysia love me ?. Do other Malaysians love me ?

Tuesday, October 10, 2006


Those old photographs,
with those greyish black and white prints,
I was brought back to my teenage years.

It was not long ago,
it seemed.
how times have passed me by.
The memories of those yesteryears,
vividly revisualized in my minds.
Of those laughters,
innocent pranks,
and carefree life.

How I wish
I can relived
those life's happy episodes.
But, time only allows
mortal man to pass thru' it once,
and they can never be
any turning back.

Twenty years from now,
will I still be able to flip through
those faded colour photographs of now ?
And recollect the "wonderful" memories ?

We are not what we used to be,
and we can never be what we want to be.
That's the reality I have learned.
In between the past and the future,
I have whispered many goodbyes
to many good people.
Before goodbye
being whispered to me,
I better learned
to appreciate Today,
look forward to Tomorrow !

Before tomorrow come,
I better have a good night sleep.........

Monday, October 09, 2006

This mask of life.....

This mask,
I put it on in the morning,
I take it off before I go to bed,
sometimes I forgot to take it off,
sometimes I'm too tired to take if off,
and sometimes,
I don't even know whether I should take it off...

With the mask on,
I can be what I am not,
I can be a strong willed person,
I can dictate the directions,
I know where I want to go,
I know my mission, vision, and purpose.
I can be a tender person to ease your pains.
I am the pillar, the strength, and wisdom for my family.
I shall lead, and they shall follow.......

Behind this mask,
do you really know me ?
Can you see my thoughts ?
Can you touch my love and passion ?
Can you understand my emotional sensitivity ?
Can you grasp my inner frustrations ?
Can you feel my desperations, fears, and anxieties ?
Will you share my pains and failures ?

Behind this mask,
I still need what I craved and needs.
I still need tender loving care,
Understanding, compassions, and support.
I can not be a lone ranger till the end of time.
I can not stand a lonely stand,
to shoulder the responsibilities all by myself.
I can not fight the lonely battles for survivals.
I am at times, a lost soul and a tired man.

Behind this mask,
I am still a man with a vulnerable heart,
who still need a shoulder to cry on.
I still need someone for comforts, advices, and support.
I still need someone to share the good times,
the bad times, and everything in between.
I still need someone to motivate and inspire me in my time of despairs.
I still beed someone to hold my hand,
to sing me lullabies before I go to sleep....

Who am I ?
But I am born a man,
I can not failed my family and my loved ones,
for this is my little purpose in Life.
No matter how deceiveful and painful it is,
I must continue to wear this mask,
to give the best part of my life,
and wonderful times to my family.
How wrong can that be ?

This mask, this mask...
I shall put it on for another day,
for tomorrow,
for day after tomorrow,
and till the end of time.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Another hazy Sunday.....

Another Hazy Sunday, another demands for Apology.....

Sunday, another horrible day of unbearable polluted air with acrid smells and limited vision as a result of haze caused by a pariah nation's deliberate "slash and burn" of forests. Spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally, I am not feeling well. It is very depressing to have the realization that I need to accept this unhealthy hazy environment. And for how long more ? I don't know. And I am definitely not in the best of mood today.

The Governor of South Sumatra, Syahrial Oesman has expressed his hope for for rainfalls to douse the illegal forest fires started by his inconsiderate country men. According to the incompetence Governor, "Only the rain can put out the fires. So, let us pray and hope to Allah for an immediate rain," Isn't that sounds familiar, an irresponsible nation will always shamelessly justify their management impotence using the name of God.

It is VERY irresponsible and arrogance for Indonesia to simply admit that they have no resources to contain the illegal fires ! What Indonesian government should do is, since they have so many righteous fighters willing to travel all the way to far away land to die in religious war, why not send them to Kalimantan jungle to do some firefightings to douse the forest fires ? Helping to save the forests is probably more environmentally friendly and attract good karma than taking side to help others to kill each others.

Indonesia is the only country in ASEAN that dragged its feet to sign and ratify the "Asean Transboundary Haze Agreement" since its inception. Indonesia's unwillingness to ratify the agreement reflects their ruthlessness and irresponsibilities. Every year, without taking into consideration of the well beings of its neighbours, Indonesians barbarically conducted large scale "slash & burn" of forests to pollute the environment of its neighbours. Is this what you called good neighbourly conducts ? I would like to view them as a irresponsible nation that sponsored environmental hooliganisms.

Malaysia, Singapore, Brunei, Thailand, and Philippines has been suffering unnecessarily and severely every year due to Indonesians inconsiderations and irresponsibilities. I doubt the Indonesians have any concern at all for their criminal activities. They have been doing it every year at their wimp and fancy. I guess, it is about time now we reciprocate their inconsiderate and barbaric mentality. Indonesia and Indonesians, please F#@& off !

Since we are now also so good in seeking apology from all over the world, and sometimes on behalf of other people, I would like to appeal to our official apology seekers to demand apology from the Indonesian government. Please do it now ! Where is your priority ? The health and financial wellbeing of 26 million Malaysians are less important than the face saving gesture to seek apology from Pope Bend-the-dick and Lick-cock-you ? Please do your job appropriately to ask Indonesians to own up to their irresponsible actions. Please tell Indonesians to behave and act like decent educated homo sapient.

Datuk Dr Maximus Ongkili, the Chairman of Unity Panel, and Minister in the Prime Minister Department, has today made another demand ( NST - 08th October 2006 ) to Singapore's Minister Mentor Lee to apologize in the press. My comment is, please save your last breath and energy. In the subconscious minds of Malaysians and Singaporeans, and deep in our hearts, they know, we know, God know, and I am sure you also know, THE TRUTHS. So, please close the chapter. I am really sicked and tired of all these unnecessary political noises. if you really care about wellbeings of Malaysians, please get your priority right. Please direct your demand for apology to Indonesia to (1) stop the open burning immediately, and ( 2) apologize to Malaysia, Thailand, Singapore, Brunei, and Philippines are polluting our air space. In case you still don't get it, Malaysia is facing a very severe haze problems deliberately created by Indonesians. Malaysians does not care much of what MM Lee said or not said ! Please get your priority right ! Please get your priority right.

As it is, Malaysians are sufferings from the haze, health wise and financially. Dear apology seekers, what are you going to do about it ? It is such an irony that the health and financial wellbeings of Malaysians are being sabotaged by Indonesia and there is nothing we can do about it. It really piss me off to hear the constant noises of apology seeking at all the wrong place and for all the wrong reasons, but nothings are done to ask the Indonesians to stop raping our environment.

God forgive me, in simple language, I am really piss off with all those irresponsible subspecies accidentally created by you. I am having headaches, suffering from sore throat, my eyes are irritated, and I think I am going to get fever soon. Courteousy of the inconsiderate environmental rapists. Oh God, in desperations, I seek your interventions to put a stop to all these deliberate, indiscriminate, and illegal burnings of forests. I seek your grace to bless all of us with good health and financial prosperity to defend our health. God, be fair, please ensure these subspecies reaped what they sowed in their own sinful land !

Om Mani Padme Hum. Om Namo Amithaba Buddha.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

To apologize or be apologized ?

I read with amusements a bunch of boy scouts politicians rushing into any bandwagon to gain popularity by making all those noises, seeking apologies from al the wrong places, maybe to justify their existences. Dear politicians, all of you are being paid by taxpayers to manage the economy and the welfares of the people. Definitely not stirring emotional rhetorics or whatever.....

Let us look at some of the published "offending" statements by Singaporean and Malaysian politicians. Truths or lies, in the hearts of honest Malaysians and honest Singaporeans, they should know who are the shameless and deceiveful liars.

(1) From Malaysia :
  • "Malays in Penang face the same fate of being marginalized as those in Singapore.” -Khairy Jamaluddin, Umno Deputy Youth Chief, Son-in-law of Prime Minister; September 2006 - China Press Malaysia
  • "I understand they do not want to end up becoming like the Malays in Singapore” - Deputy Heath Minister -28th August 2006 - The Star Malaysia
  • "Let us not go far. Look at Singapore. Do we want to be like Muslim Malays in Singapore?” - Tun Mahathir Mohamed, Former Prime Minister of Malaysia - 29th May, 2006 - Mingguan Malayisa

2) From Singapore :
  • "you must have a Government in Singapore which is firm, stout-hearted, subtle and resolute. My neighbors (Malaysia & Indonesia) both have problems with their Chinese (citizens). They are successful and hardworking and therefore, they are systematically marginalized, even in Education." - MM Lee Kuan Yew, 2nd October 2006 - Straits Times Singapore

So, the question is, who should apologize or be apologized ? The one who shout the loudest ? the one who tell the truth ? the one who is afraid to unmask himself to the international community ? or the self proclaimed apology seekers and grievance seeker ? Honestly speaking, I don't care who said what, let me just work harder to make enough money to feed my family. Idiots and shameless maggots can go on and on to do and say whatever they like. As far as I am concerned, they are nothing but a bunch of idiotic and shameless smelly farters ad parasites. All I wish to add here is, I sincerely wish them a safe journey to hell in the fastest possible way!

Please, please, give yourself some basic prides and self respect ( I really do not know whether you have any ) to do what you preached. Please do not do unto others what you do not wish others to do unto you. Before I conclude, let me teach you how to spell and pronouce S. H. A. M. E. Oxford Dictionary give a good descriptives of this word. Go check out yourself.......

It is a hazy saturday......

Saturday morning, what a beautiful Saturday morning, I thought. As usual, after going through the white men indoctrinated hygienic rituals of the morning, I made my cup of "2-in-1" Malacca Sin Chew Coffee. With the hot cup coffee in my hand, I step out into my little garden to appreciate the morning air.

How wronged I was ! The air smells horrible, my eyes are irritated, and the vision are hazy. welcome to our annual occurances of haze pollution, courteousy of our religiously righteous neighbour, the Indonesians.

Come to think of it, where is our official professional apology seeker ? you know, the semi bald headed man, who goes around seeking apologies from all corner of the earth. Yep, where are you, go, go, go show your true grit and colours by demanding apology from that inconsiderate neighbours of ours. The neighbour who habitually and annually exporting their haze to our beloved land, violating our air space, and attacking our public health. Come on, Mr Apology Seeker, one more act of apology seeking is not going to take a lot of your time. Since we have perceived you to be an apology seeker, then you are paid to do the job, now, please put up a good show. Show us how good you are in seeking apology with your Indonesian slanged English. In this times of haziness, it would be quite entertaining to see some display of apology seeking showmanship. Sincerely, we voted you in for that purpose, please do your part.

As it is, everybody is making us look like a fool, apologizing for our stupidity ! We are actually quite proud of our ability to acquire a win-win situation. We did managed to extract the word "apology" while the other parties continue to mockerize us with their political sequencing of words. Job well done !

I would not be surprise, if our good neighbour issue the following apology to us.
"In the spirit of deeply rooted Asean brotherhoods, Indonesian government requests its neighbours to recognize and respect our basic economic and territorial rights to burn the forest for cultivation of foods and for other economic activities. Indonesians sympathizes with the health hazards causes to our neighbours by the haze. We, the Indonesians would like to emphasize again that it is not our intention to create haze. Yes, we start the fires, but we did not start the haze. The haze is a result of meteorogical consequnces caused by the wind blowing in the wrong directions. We are not God, we can not control the direction of the winds.

We would like all our neighbours to respect our deeply rooted Asean brotherhoods, values, and sensitivities. We also like to highlight that, in case you are not aware of your national geographical boundary, we are burning our jungles in our own sovereign territory, not yours.

Please stop pointing the fingers at Indonesians, as seemed that we intentionally asked haze to be created. We Indonesians have no problem enduring haze, likewise, we would to urge our neighbours to accept haze as part of their ecological problems.
Please learn to respect our rights to open burnings. We are sorry because haze is now a problem in your country, we are equally sorry because haze is now becoming a health hazards to your people. Please join our people to pray to the Almighty and seeking his blessing to change the direction and intensity of the winds to send the haze to the other part of the world.

Finally, we would like to say it again, that, with utmost sympathy, We apologize because your people are suffering from health problems due to haze. We, the Indonesians wish you good healths...."

I guess, the next moral thing for us to do is to recall our "peace keeping" forces from Lebanon and redeployed them to the hotspots in Indonesia to help doze off the jungle fires in Indonesia. Why risked the lives of our young men and women by sending them to to war mongering countries ? Why not let them do some real work helping the sincere Indonesian government to fight the forest fires ?

I believe the Indonesian government is also contemplating sending thousand of young men and women to Lebanon to help maintain peace and order. If the Indonesians are genuinely and sincerely love peace and humanity, may they should send their own man and women to their own jungles to contain the forest fires once and for all. It is an unneighbourly act sabotaging friendly neighbours environment by polluting their air space. Stop all your nonsenses of regional pariahisms. And, please, please stop fartings in the air about international peace. Please do the needful to stop pulluting the air qualities of neighbouring countries.

We see, therefore we fart ? And some people fart loud and smelly !

Honestly, as a Malaysian, I don't really care about what Pop Bend-the-dicks said or not said. I also don't care what Mr Lick Cock You said or not said. But I do care about the quality of air I breathe in. As it is, we Malaysians are all suffering from the bad air quality caused by our inconsiderate Indonesian neighbours. Dear government of the people that care, what are you going to do about it ? Pretending that it is not a problem and hoping that tomorrow the kind God will send heavy downpours to temporary relief the haze ?

Dear government of the people that care, please show us your competency, and please tell off the inconsiderate Indonesians in no uncertain ambiguity to put a stop to their criminal mentalities.

I am sure, if we are the one that adopt open burnings and causing the haze in Indonesia, I will not be surprises to see the streets of Jakarta filled with bunch of patriotic young men and women with red headbands demonstrating and shouting obscenities to Malaysians. But when they do it, it is their rights..... Grievances Seekers are all the same everywhere you go - self satisfying, deceitful, ignorant and inconsiderate !

Please respect my basic human rights to have clean and unpolluted air........

Mid Autumn blues......

The moon cakes (月饼) festival is also know as Mid (中) Autumn (秋) Festival (节), or Chung Chiu Jie. Mid Autumn Festival falls on the 15th day of the Eighth lunar month of the Chinese calender. For year 2006, it is on October 6th. Mid Autumn festival is one of the important traditional Chinese festival. This is one significant occasions for Chinese around the world to have family reunion.

As a young boy, I used to observe my mother setting-up temporary altar table with fresh flowers, Menglembu groundnut, moon cake, steam yam, lotus seeds, etc to offer prayer to Chang Er ( the Goddess of Moon ) on this special day. We would then enjoy the moon cakes around the offering table under the bright moonlights. We also enjoy our lighting up and parading special homemade lanterns around the village roads.

My mother used to relate to us the story of how Chang Err steal the elixir of immortality from her tyrannical husband and fled to the moon. I have forgotten most of the story. As a young boy, I actually believed there is a Chang Er living in a beautiful palace in the moon. My mother believed in that too. However, that belief was shattered by the Americans. In 1967, American launched the Apollo13 into the moon, and Neil Armstrong was the first man to step foot on the moon. He planted the American flag on the moon. But Chang Err was not in sight to greet the American explorers.

After the Apollo 13 discovery, my family never offer prayers to the moon and Chang Er anymore on the 15th day of the 8th Lunar month. According to my mother, she is not going to offer prayer to the American flag

How I spend my mid autumn festival this year ? I actually wanted to take my family out for a nice dinner. I end up eating chicken rice at the Taipan's Nam Hiong restaurant. My son was too engrossed playing with his new notebook chatting away in Internet with his girlfriend, and my daughter felt that it is more worthwhile spending the evening with her boyfriend. So, this middle aged man with mid life disorientation actually sitting there quietly eating chicken rice in mid autumn. No moon cake in sight ! My wife indicated too me that my too authoritative and grumpiness causing my children to avoid me. Well, repeating my advices and opinions is consider grumpy ! Hello, since time in memorial, which father is not authoritative and grumpy ?

Despite my too overly westernize education, deep down in me, I am still a cultural moron and chauvinistically a Chinaman at heart. Having said that, I would like to believe that I am also a very democratic and amiable person. Given the choice, I would still prefer my family to assemble in front of me having the meals together and absorbing the lingering laughters. But what can I do, my children are no longer little boys and girls, they have their own lifestyles and priorities, and I have to respect their freedom of choice and movement. I have to let go. Letting go of course is difficult, but I am slowly getting used to it. And, sometimes, I actually enjoy the moments of solitude.

Coming back to moon cakes, do you know, when I was a young boy, 4 pieces of moon cakes actually costs less than RM 1. But now, 4 pieces of moon cakes costs about RM 40, an inflation of 4000% over a period of less than 40 years ! Unbelievable ! But those "blue Chip" ( Lan Chiow ) shares invested 10 years ago at RM 26,000 a lot is now worth less than RM 500 a lot. 20 years ago, my wife used to called me "honey", now she calls me "Ooui". Funny, how values change over a period of times, I indeed do have the best of times, and the worst of times.

I do hope, next year this time, the Indonesians across the Kalimantan has the basic decency of not starting another round of indiscrete open burnings. I hope the air will not be as hazy as this evening. Hopefully, my children will make some efforts to celebrate the moon cakes festival with this grumpy middle aged man. It would really be nice to observe the bright full moon, eating the moon cakes, chewing lotus seeds, and drinking my favorite hot aromatic coffee in the company of my family members. Deep down in me, I am still a sentimental man, balancing differing priorities, trying my utmost best in this sentimental journey to make everyone life easier.

My eyelids are a bit heavy now. May you all have a very happy mid autumn celebrations. Good NiteZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Honour thy art of apologies ?

I am mentally exhausted and tired, but sleep won't come. Okay, I will have to download the misindexed and corrupted data from my brain into this web log. Hopefully, with a defragmented brain, I can say aloha to the beautiful dreamlands awaiting me.

I want to make it clear and very clear that this posting is merely intended to amuse myself and to tire and slow down my brain cells activities which is still in high gear. Sarcasms happens to be my favorite past times. No animals are killed, no bloods are spilled, and honestly, no insults are intended. So, this is perfectly a very healthy acts of mental masturbation. Don't find faults with me. If you insist, may I suggest you find fault with your own kinds ? In another word, don't screw with me, go, go, go screw yourself with your own smelly fingers.

Talking about favorite past times, I observe with real amusements from a little corner of under developed earth, a little nation with a geographical shape of a half cooked potato. A nation full of potato brains. What are the national favorite and politically correct past times of this half past six potato nation ? You guess it right - Apologies Seeking ! Why ? I was given the impression that these people are incapable getting anything done right except seeking apologies to justify their existences.

When Popiah Bend-the-Dick deliver a theology lecture in a far away land, the potato brains are in trance like mimicking zombies, jumping around, swinging from tree to tree, shouting their demands for apologies. That senile old Popiah also once called my religion an erotic fantasy. But I don't get offended, because my religion taught me to ignore ignorant man. They want to talk nonsense, let them talk nonsense lah....
By the way, these potato brains also demand apologies from a Mr Lick Cock You for stating his political observations in a political forum. One scabbied dog starts barkings, the rest of the pea brain cocks also start mimicking the dog's barkings. The worst part is, after a certain period of times, the cocks start to believe that they are Dogs. Those noises are goddamn irritating. Can somebody tell me who let the dogs out ?

After this, maybe we should organize a mass demonstration seeking TALK-SIN to be evicted from his asylumed home in London to come to the potato nation to apologize for selling his ShitCock company to the Kiasu people.

Ok, potato brains hate the Americans. Maybe they should also ask the American people to apologize for their insensitivity of voting in Bush as their President ? Boycott American's Starbucks and boycott anything American's, you said ? I shake my head. Look like Boycotting is going to be another national favourite past times for those low self esteemed people..

Some of the slightly educated potato brains actually fantasizing to be the great Zorro, wearing the mask of Zorro championing and fighting injustices around the world. Out of courteousy, we clapped our hands to acknowledge the clowns. But it is getting to be a bit tired affairs. And it is not funny anymore! The problem is, the original Zorro's mask has two big eye holes. But these potato brains are wearing the make-in-Balacock Zorro's mask with no eye holes ! With that kind masks on, they are nothing but a bunch of ........... With their dirty and tainted swords, ignorant of circumstances, and with blinded vision, they swing the swords blindly in any direction, as long as there is a farting noise. Most of the time, they self inflicting cuts on themselves and innocents bystanders. Guess what, they blamed the world for not being sensitive to their sensitivities.....

You people got nothing better to do kah ?

This kopi-kia may not be that educated. But I have a simple philosophy, "Mind your own business". What happened in other places, what other people do, or what other people said, are really none of our business. Do the right thing in your own home, treat your people fairly and justly, manage the wellfares of people, and the world will accord you with respect.

Come to think of it, we used to be a bunch of apologists, we have progressed. Now, we are nothing but a bunch of grievance seekers with severe inferiority complexities! Usually, grievance seekers are nothing but a bunch of unconsciously incompetent people seeking to jump into any bandwagons to divert away attention of their incompetency and glaring weaknesses. Only fools believe in them. But, but, these world is full of ignorant fools. And, the circus goes on and on....

I do hope one day, the Hindus will not ask me to apologize because I eat beef. Okay, okay, the reason I eat beef is, because it was served to me. I did not know by eating beef, I trespassed into the sensitivity of the Hindus. I regretted and apologize to all Hindu because they do not eat beef.

They said, sarcasm is a form of concealed anger. You are GOD damned right ! I am angry. Angry with what ? Don't be such a naive stupid mental retards !

And God created human beings ? Who created God ? Godfather ? Maybe God is an Italian. No wonder Mario Brando looks like God, and Al Pacino look like messenger of God. Ping ! all this while I am speaking the wrong language to God. I better go learn Italian language, so that, I can communicate better with him......

Before I go to sleep. From the bottom of my heart, and with great respect for your sensitivity. I say, I am sorry.

Good NiteZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Seeking happiness in insanity ?

I do have a very nice and spacious room in my office with a commanding desk custom made according to fengshui measurements. An 8 feet by 4 feet custom made KuanKong ( the famous ancient Chinese warrior ) sculptured art panel to enhance my commanding present in the office. And a nice collections of refined Chinese tea at my disposal to soothe my temperaments. But somehow, I hardly spend more than an hour a day in my room ! My prefer working spot in my office is the bare meeting room. I simply find it more convenient to work from the meeting room where I can called for meetings anytime I want. The bare wall of the meeting room gave me a sense of "space" to allow my mind to perform illogical virtual graffiti to amuse myself. On the serious side, the bare wall also allow me to perform virtual and imaginary focus to practise mental concentrations.

Today is just a another normal working day in the office. With both eyes focusing on the wall, I found a small greying spot measuring probably 1 cm in radius. Silly me, I actually though I can transfer my mental energy and direct it to the small spot and make it disappear ! Nevertheless, I did tried for probably 10 or perhaps 15 minutes. What am I trying to prove ? Logical man attempting illogical stupidity ! The end result is, I did get a pair of strained and tired eyes.

Will I be successful in some other days for my illogical attempts to convert and transfer mental energy into unknown energy manifestations ? Great men think alike, and fools seldom differ.

I am definitely not insane. This is just my little habitual harmless mental diversions to balance conflicting priorities of my not so adventurous life. I actually get amusements from this aimless mental adventurisms. Occasionally, it actually put smiles back on to the hardened muscles of my face mimicking my own stupidities.

I am a sane man in this increasingly insane world. To remain sane, we need to simulate insanity within that six inches between the two temporal points of our heads. otherwise, how do I know whether I am a sane man or whether I exceeded that threshold crossing into insanity ? To become insane, you really need to have a higher level of intelligence that perpetually put your brains activities in locomotions. An insane man is definitely a happy man! And it is positively not easy to be insane. Between Happiness and sanity, an insane man in his right mind would definitely choose not to be saned and remain in a state of perpetual happiness. And the sane man in his right minds choose to work towards unhappiness !

Hmm.... I am actually smiling within myself ranting these illogical nonsenses. I actually found happiness and a sense of mental contentments ! Am I insane ?

Tanjung Rambutan is only less than 3 hours drives from Kuala Lumpur...............

Good nitZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

A soul was lost.........

This week is indeed a very hectic week. There are out of ordinary many project bidding paper to prepare, project deliverables schedules to fulfill, and account receivables to collect to ensure payments to strategic suppliers on times. But that is only the "work" side ! On the home front, there are bills, bills, and more bills to pay. I mean really dig deep in my pocket to pay all those bills. On top of that, there are always the unending family commitment and engagements that need personal attention. Hmmm.. life is tough ! But again, take it humorously, that is my Vipaka due to my previous Karma. In this life, I really need to work that much harder to repay the debts of my previous life's misdeeds. Hopefully, my next life will be easier.

Coming back to reality. I was indeed very sad to read emails in a yahoo eGroup about a lady friend of an eGroup member taking her own life. Sad, perhaps is not the right word to describe my sentiments. I just felt more than sad. Perhaps, a sense of loss even I do not know her. Or perhaps, a complete loss of emotional direction on how to respond to this illogical emotional fragilities. Life is indeed a sad game, at the end of it, nobody gets out alive !

What drives a person into suicide ? What was her state of mind at the moment she her took her life ? I could only assume that, it must be very difficult for her to execute that path that was not predestined. How do normal human being respond when pains and sufferings continuously exceed the emotional and mental capabilities to cope ? Either way, the decision to die or to live is not an easy decision for her. Although life is precious, but she has chosen to terminate her life to relief her pains and sufferings. I can only presume that, it is equally difficult for her close friends and loved ones to cope with that emotional vacuums that she left behind. With folded palm and closed eyes, I pray to the Almighty to bless her soul, and may her friends and loved one be graced with courage accept this finality of life and to let her soul go in peace.

I am sad that she did not reached out to seek help. Maybe, she had tried, but people surrounding her are not observance enough, or are simply hearing without listening. Or perhaps, people surrounding her are ignorant of the seriousness of her pains and sufferings. But whatever it is, she has made a choice. The lesson we learned from this sad episode is, we need to be more attentive, sensitive, and alert to people surrounding us. We need to show more empathy and offer our helping hands when there is a slightest indication that our friends or loved ones are not in the best of emotional conditions.

It takes a lot of courage to make that decision to commit suicide. But suicide is a sinful decision. It is definitely not a wise decision. Suicide may end pains and sufferings to oneself, but it leaves behind a trail for emotional destructions to the deceased's loved ones and friends. Unless you are being possessed by demons or unwelcome spirits, if you ever have suicidal intent, please be more assertive and seek help. Human beings by nature are compassionates and will always lend you a helping hand. You just need to communicate to them more assertively to make them understand your predicaments. For whatever reasons you may have, stress, sickness, financial troubles, depressions, etc. Let me tell this one SIMPLE FACT. These causes or problems are man made, it can be managed, and definitely can be overcome. If you are not able to cope, please seek help ! Suicide can be prevented. If you can hold on to your suicidal intent for a few more days and come out of it alive, you will definitely be stronger. You will be able to help others to avoid this premature termination of life. That shall be recorded in your Book Of Life as Good Karma.

May the Almighty bless her soul. May you be blessed with courages and determinations to meet life obstacles with wisdom. May you be blessed with humility and generosity to extend your helping hands to those in need of help.

Om mani padme hum. Om namo Amithaba Buddha.
Good Nite............

Monday, October 02, 2006

Rantings from within......

So many priorities, and too little times to manage. It is really absurd to even to think of the idea of prioritizing the priorities. The management gurus who advocated the idea of time management probably got the light bulbs lighted at the wrong place. Anyway, that restlessness in dealing with sequential processing of priorities is getting to my nerves. I simply lost my burning desires and passions for multi-tasking parallelism. I am simply not what I used to be ! Is age catching up ? Too much junk foods? Or simply, the environment is just too stressful to get any meaningful work done ? Too many questions but no real answers! I think I am also getting very subverted, deluded, and at the same time spiritually awared of my state of being. I think I am SERIOUSLY in need of a SERIOUS BREAK to BREAK AWAY from this man made INSANITY.

Looking at the mirror, is that reflection really me ? Hey, what happened to you ? Do I still know you ? How come my left is on your right ? Why are you look at me in such a demonic way ? Are you the reflections of my perverted side ? Why the cynical smiles ? I am the good side, you are only the reflection, you are not real ! You want to control me ? Come get me brother ! I am tired, you can be what you want to be. Take this body as the vehicle for all your naughty expressions. I really don't mind. Really. When I want it back, I will let you know.

How nice, if life is not bounded by rules and reciprocal actions. I just want to be irresponsible for the remaining part of my life ! Can I ? For a start, maybe, everybody should learn how to take care of me rather than otherwise. Maybe, I should be given the unlimited vocals to shout out "I don't CAE !" It would be really nice to have the circumstances that everybody owed me a living ! I just wonder..... But come to think of it, this state of being sounds like a tormented man attempting to experiment hedonism. Erotic redemption of craved desires ? Not me, Not me... Go away, you demonic instigator !

But again, if you were to assemble 10 equally attractive and sexually desirable women in front of me, and ask me to have my pick. What will be my choice ? First thing first, put me in this situation, and my pecker will ris e to the occasions! Subsequent questions. Why should I just pick one ? why can't I have it all ? After all, they are all available for the picking. Wouldn't it be nice if I can just start my harlem and experimenting the the techniques of kamasutra for the rest of my life ? Why should I carry on with this fatalistic life journey of responsibilities, moralities, and reciprocities ? Is pleasures seeking less important than the purpose ? God, you are very funny and sadistic. Why you misguided sane man like me to think that pleasures seeking is a cardinal sins ? Why attachment for desires for pleasures are equated with causes for sufferings ?

Or was it that I am approaching my mid-life crisis ? In woman, they called it menopause ( pronounced as Man Old Must Pause). In man, what do they called it, Andropause ? Both words end with the verb, PAUSE. So, take the meaning of the word literally and take a PAUSE in life ? PAUSE ? that would be a sure ticket to Coffin sniffing. Or should I change direction and let the little naughtiness in me to dictate my remaining journey ? God, I really need to take a HIKE to the good doctor office to test my testerone level ? Or am suffering Androgen Deficiency in Aging Man, in Short, ADAM. ( as in Adam and EVE ). Or should I worry about the anxiety of the possibility of testerone deficiencies ?

But I am still young, funny, why should sign a post dated cheque to the doctor now and enriched his future incomes ? Do I really need to go to the doctor to find out whether I have the symptoms of ADAM such as diminished interest in sex, erectile dysfunction, depression and fatigue ? I know for sure my little pecker can still rise to the occasion, and I can still manage it for sexual satiation. So, the good question I need to ask myself is, am I suffering from depression and uncontrollable fatigue ? No. No ? But then again, why am I in this state of unknown fear and anxieties ? Fears ? Because some of the dreams and aspiration of my youth are not likely to be attained ? Anxieties ? Because, I am yet to complete my master project of a life time that guaranteed financial comforts to my loved ones ? Nevermind. I think I already know my temporary state of insanity......

Erotic redemption ? Not a bad idea ! The idea of conformity to standard parameters of morality and righteousness is by itself another form of pervertism and abuse of human rights to inflict self denials of delicious delusions. Maybe, I Should let my deviant side take control of me......, Master Vatsyayana, here I come. Desires shall be the essence of this mortal man. Tonite, I shall be your disciple in your Nibbana of love. Savanaka, Malakka, Traivikrama, Sammukha, svastika, or whatever. I shall take the shots. Me worry not and me care not.

Forgive me God, leave me alone tonite in my erotic aphorism and euphorism. Tomorrow, I shall assume my serious conformity of your sutta. And, life goes on in this demented dualism of body and mind...... or was it body over mind ?