Another decisive battle ahead.........

I have been troubled by pains and discomfort at the abdominal and back areas for the past few days. At times, even doubling the dosages of pain killer doesn't help to alleviate the discomforts. At least, at this juncture of my journey, I am being reminded that, the road ahead is not going to be a smooth ride. I had not been on medications since I last completed my 3D conformal radio therapy in June 2009 with the exception of intake of Traditional Chinese Medicine over the previous three weeks to improve my overall immune system. Although, the past treatment protocols of chemotherapy and radiotherapy during the previous 12 months has managed to maintained and control the tumor, but the recent pains made me a bit worry that the cancer activities within me may turn active again and metastasized.

I realized, in fighting cancer, I am not on this journey to remain status quo. Fight, I must ! But I must also find new route to make my journey unpredictable and surprise the nasty cancer cells. I had been evaluating the option of seeking new treatment protocols from Fuda Cancer Hospital in Guangzhou, China over the past one week.

The type of treatments suggested by the hospital are :

• If operable, using Cryosurgery to freeze the tumor directly.
• Iodine seeds implantation to conduct local radiation inside the tumor.
• Local chemo using a tube to look for the artery, to inject chemo drug directly into the tumor.
  
• Immunotherapy to prevent metastasis and recurrence, slowing the growth of cancer, improving general health, and boosting the immune system after the effects of chemo therapy.

I am at this juncture of my precarious existence where I have to make a decision on my next course of action. Putting aside fears and emotionalities, I know, I need to have rationality and clarity of thoughts to take some calculated risks in my attempt to seek recovery of my health. Today, I have decided to pursue the option of seeking treatments in Fuda Cancer Hospital.

I booked my tickets and scheduled to fly to Guangzhou middle of next week, as well as a return ticket on the first week of January 2010. I will probably have to spend 30 days in the hospital. I know, this is not a holiday trip, this is a journey to seek recovery of health, and I do have my fears and anxieties over the medical procedures. For the time being, I will leave my emotionalities as it is. Over the next few days, I will have to organize some logistics to ensure my trip to Guangzhou does not encountered any hindrances. Honestly, I do felt like a helpless soldier, pondering his fate, while waiting to be transported to a war torn area to fight for a cause that he does not wished to be associated with. But like it or not, I must walk through this valley of fears, and show leadership to my children and family members that, when the going gets tough, the tough must gets going to overcome life's adversaries.

The hospital has estimated the medical costs to be around RM 60,000. It will probably costs me another RM 15,000 for 30 days of lodgings, foods, and traveling expenses. For the time being, I will used my overdraft facilities to finance this treatments. When I complete the treatments in January 2010, I hope I will be able to complete my second book “Living With Cancer”, where the proceeds from sales of the book would be able to recoup some of these medical expenses.

This is such a horrible journey to go through, I honestly felt so lonely and helpless. But I do look forward to be “cured” and come back as a healthy person. So, pray for me and wish me luck !!!!