I weep no more for the unborn son.

Today is a strange day. I woke up with an unknown rage or perhaps discomforts. I do not enjoy my breakfast, and I even tried to find fault with the poor lady serving me my regular fried noodles. I refused to talk to my wife and maintain my irritating silent through out the morning. That silent rage is irrational, for what reason, I don't know.

My purchaser take too long a time to issue my requested Purchase Order. My wife, who is my Finance Manager in the office refused to issue the payment cheque because she insisted the documentation is not complete. I look into my brother's cubicle, and as usual, he is in the office late again. My delivery Technician forgot to pick-up the pick list to pick up my order. And my clients has been calling repeatedly to remind me the urgency of an unfulfilled order. What a day. As usual, I take a slow climb one floor above into my meeting room, open my bookmarks to read some poems. A desperate attempt to calm down my incomprehensible discomforts for today. It is indeed very difficult to assemble a bunch of educated cats and trying to make them focus on the same direction

I have no appetite for lunch, and decided to pick up the pick list and be a delivery boy for half a day. On my way back to my office, trying to avoid the traffic jams and paying tolls, I decided to take a detour via the frontal road of Sunway Medical Centre. It was a mistake. Strange things do happen, as I passed by the Sunway Medical Centre, I see an image and felt the presence of my unborn son. Was it clouds in my eye or my short sightedness. Nevertheless, the presence was felt, the energy was real, and I am pretty sure, it is the "spirit" of my unborn son whose life was medically terminated many years ago in that medical centre, and I can't even remembered what year was it.

I am an emotionally very stable person. I pulled my car to the side of road not far away from the medical centre, for the obvious reason to reassure myself of what I felt was merely a fragment of past unpleasant memories playing trick on me. I just don't know, for a fraction of a moment, emotion just overtook my rationality. Tears flow freely and trickled down my face. Son, I have never seen your face, and I have never named you a name. But I do missed you. Did I made the right decision then ? If only I made my decision otherwise, would I still have the opportunity to carry you on my lap ? Would I still have the privilege to be called Daddy by you ? I really do not know. Son, I have made a cruel decision in order to be kind for you. I honestly do. Believe me, it was the most difficult decision of my life. And I do sincerely wish, no father will have to go through this kind of inhumane clinical decision.

Son, I wish you the best in your "next life" and I shall always pray for you. I have accepted my faith that we are just not faithed to be father and son. I have learned to let you go. And I do hope, one day, my silent tears of sorrows will turn to tears of joys, knowing fully that God and angels is taking good care of you. Son, as a father, I know you do love me. For many years, I have been fantasizing your images in my dreams. I have been carrying the guilts of my decision. But please go, go to the loving arms of God and angels. I know how to be strong, and I know how take good care myself. Life must go on, as cheerfully as possible.....

My drive back to office was aimless. It was like an eternity. But I did managed to reach office safely and emotionally composed.

........................................................................................................

This post is revisted on 15th Oct 2006

Tears In Heaven
by Eric Clapton and Will Jennings

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same

If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong

And carry on,

'Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven.

Would you hold my hand

If I saw you in heaven?

Would you help me stand

If I saw you in heaven?

I'll find my way

Through night and day,

'Cause I know I just can't stay

Here in heaven.

Time can bring you down,

Time can bend your knees.

Time can break your heart,

Have you begging please, begging please.

Beyond the door,

There's peace

I'm sure,

And I know there'll be no more

Tears in heaven.

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same

If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong

And carry on,

'Cause I know

I don't belong

Here in heaven.

........................................................................

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Pictures taken using a 5 years old Canon Ixus 2 MP camera

Today is a Good Day.......

Dear Friends,

Today is a beautiful day. Why contaminate it with angers and hatreds ?

Take a look at yourself in the mirror. And have a good laugh of how stupid you were yesterday worry about tomorrow. For today is yesterday's tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow is already here ! What are you going to do about it ? Look around for scape goats to vent your frustrations of perceived eroticized grievances ? Be fair to others, the world don't owe you a living ! With or without you, life does goes on! Why don't you be the Goat yourself ? I mean you can always grow some long beards and moustache and keep your face unshavened till kingdom come to prove your holier than thou stupidity.

Why not rejoice to the fact that, you, yes you, are lucky to survive your stupidity for another day ? You have choice to choose to lead a contented life of nirvana on earth, simply by acknowledging that you are a wonderful, unique, kind hearted, and talented individual destined to bring happiness to yourself and others. You are also destined by God to have a single purpose to multiply and radiate positive energies to make this world a better place.

Today is a great day for you to forget about your mischievous pasts. Today is a good day to renounce violences, hatreds, and intolerances. Today is a good day to accept the fact that there are more than 40 established religions in this world, and every religion is a religion of peace and has different noble values and practices. Today is a good day to rid yourself of your hatreds and intolerances to compel others to accept your singular belief. Today is definitely a good day for you to make a decision of whether you want to coexist with others to live happily in this world, or forever become marginalized as a ill informed pariah everyday knocking at the door of hell.

Start today. Take advantage of today to accept the fact that happiness, acceptance, spirituality, respect, virtue, conduct, and morality are based on the principle of reciprocity and equality for all human beings. Violences and threats are outdated primitive expressives of barbarians.

Take advantage of today, repent ! Offer prayer and seek the Almighty for forgiveness. Om mani padme hum. Om namo amithaba Buddha.

With Love
BlackCoffee

Insanity knows no limits......

I do not wish to offend any religion. And truth of matter is, I have great respect for all established or non established religions. When the heart speaks, the honest should listen with entirety and kind gesture.

There will be a time truths shall become insignificant. Lies and intentional manipulation of truth shall become a politically correct deceiveful arts of emotional manipulation to suppress truths. These world is full of perverted and perpetual full time grievance seekers and immoral apologists. As a Buddhist, and for any true followers of any religion, we know, evil doers will always hijack established name of religions to manipulate the unfaithful to seek false justice to defend the perverted non honour of their religions.

Sometimes, truths can be unpleasant. But when the truth was spoken, please learn to respect truths and handle it with dignity and grace. Why should self proclaimed peace lovers always resorted to violences as a solution to defend truth ? Are they sincerely and honestly peace loving in the first place ?

Violence mongers will always rub their palms with anticipations to intentionally misinterpret situations and cause confusions to create opportunities for perverted violences and disharmony. And, there will always be misguided followers to purvey threats and carry out violences to suppress truths in the hope of perpetuating and glorifying hiddened agenda. This has always been a dark, sad, and unending chapter of humanity. Angels are weeping in their hearts for their inability to seek salvations for mankind. My friends, for whatever misplaced angers you may have, truth always resides within the hearts of the reasonable man who believe in the almighty. Truth does not need to be defended by the insincere, uncivilized, and the misguided ! Your service to defend truths and honours of your religions is not needed here. God knows how to handle truths and honours !

I read with disbelief the disproportionate misplaced angers and outrages against the Pope Benedict XVI's lecture in the University of Regensburg entitled "Faith, Reason and the University - Memories and Reflections". To be fair, my Buddhist's tao compelled me to read the whole text of the Pope's speech. I am indeed saddenedd by those perpetual grievances seekers who intentionally misquote contextually a small paragraph of the speech to instigate hatreds and violences. If the speech is to be understand in its entirety, the Pope has appeal to mankind to adopt reasonableness of faiths, the need to love fellow human beings, the need for dialogues to eradicate violences and hatreds against one another, and the need for greater unity among different faiths for greater enlightenment of spirituality.

As an unsophisticated layman, if I can understand the positive and peaceful message deliver by the speech of the Pope, I sincerely failed to understand, why there are so many Excremists can intentionally fantasizing between the lines to misquote the frank intention of the Pope to achieve negative agendas. What satisfaction do these people get if lives are lost and bloods are shedded ? Please, please, do not pollute the intended positive message for peace, love, unity, and understanding ! Do they seek to understand ? Or are they simply incapable of logical understanding ?

So they want apology ? On behalf of humanity, here is my apology. I am sorry for being able to understand the message of the Pope calling for Peace and reasonableness. I am sorry for refusing to accept the evil interpretation of a small group of deviants who seek to create further disharmony in this already corrupted earthly garden of sins. I am sorry for refusing to accept violence as a mean to resolve misunderstandings. I am sorry that there are Excremists with pissfull state of minds. I am sorry that the great Buddha statues was wrongly sited in Afghanistan that need to be destroyed. I am sorry that thousands of innocent victims are murdered in 9/11. I am sorry that hundred of innocent holiday makers are murdered in Bali. I am sorry that innocent Korean and Nepalese wage earners are beheaded. I am sorry because there is no compulsion in my beliefs....

But the fact is, we have understand enough and awakened from our apologist state of mind. Actions speak louder than words, so, please enlighten me with your demented definition of peace and love.

When the Pope's speech is intentionally twisted and misquoted contextually. Is it not reasonable to expect a lot of simple minded people will be offended ? Some maybe even incited into dangerous emotional rhetorics and misplaced angers. There is a limit to falsehood, and I strongly believe that God ( of any religion ) dislike falsehood and intentional manipulation of words to create disharmony. As a Buddhist, I always believe, the almighty will always reward the righteous and messengers of truths. Redemption time awaits the lucified fake believers. Perpetual grievances seekers always fantasized attacks and are always angered with perceived injustices and oppressions. What doesn't ? When the minds are one tracked, believe me, the only destination is HELL. Blame not others for your unreasonableness.

For the peace loving and true believer of GOD ( I mean GOD, spelt as G.O.D and not reversed ), it is your religious duty now to exercise greater patient and pray for those who refuse to understand or are incapable to understand. It is also our duty to GOD to have the courage to reject extremities. May God with his almighty grace bless all of us with good health and the courage to stop unreasonable hijacking of faiths and religions to politically achieve perverted cultist pleasures.

I happened to believe in non violent propagation of justice, peace, and brotherhood. I am stating to all demented perverts again that PEACE and Truth does not need to be defended with VIOLENCES. Violence begets more violences. At the end of the day, instigators of violences shall be burnt in hell and forever romp in desperations with no resting place. Enough is enough, we have enough of faeces and farting noises from the Excremists.

I am not a Christian. But the controversy created has made me to research for truth, and I am now slightly better understand Christianity. Thank you God for presenting the opportunity to me to have better understanding of other religion.

Buddhism does not believe in compulsion and falsehood. When the time comes, those not fated to be a buddhist shall exit the door of buddhism, those fated to be a buddhist shall enter the door of Buddhism at his own free wills.

May you find peace, be at peace with yourself, and bring peace to your surrounding. Om mani padme hum. Om Namo Amithaba Buddha.

( *** Full text of of Pope's speech & Apology in Comment section*** )

In Memory of 9/11

Black Coffee In Person

September 11th 2001 - In Memory of 9/11

A Father's Hope.......

My son,
life is full of roses around you.
Roses come in varied colours, smells, and sizes,
but I can not tell you which rose to pluck.
But be aware,

the wrong roses can lead you to thorny roads ahead......

There will be many crossroads in your life,
I hope I will always be there to give you advises,
but you have to own the responsibilities to make decisions.
I can not walk the roads for you.......

I have walked my paths with my own experiences.
I can only tell you my life experiences,
I can not make you walk my path.
And I can not create experiences for you.
You have to adapt and learn the realities of life,
and walk out from pitfalls to be a better man......

I believe in the Almighty.
I can go on and on to tell you about religion.
But I can not make you a believer,
and which religious path you should lead.
I know, God in his miraculous way,

will find the right path for you.....

I can give you good education,
a good home, and a comfortable lifestyle.
But I can not make you a learned man,
a good man, a family man, and a charitable person.
It is my sincere hope that,

these moral foundation I built within you,
can leads you to be a man of moral and principle.

I can instil in you

integrity, honesty, responsibility, and accountability.
But I can not built reputation for you.
You are your own man, your words, deeds, and actions
shall establish your standings in society.

The roads ahead are full of uncertainties and surprises
I can teach you about patient, perseverance, and humility,
But I can not live these life's rough patches for you.
You will have to develop your inner strength

to sail through life voyages....

Son, I have brought you to this life,
with your youth,

your wings are stronger than mine now.
Your time has come,

please fly and taste the spice of life.
But wherever you go,

please remember this old man rooted here.
Whenever you need the comfort of home,

I will always be here for you.
24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and whole year round.
I will never rest, I will always be here for you.
Because,

you are, and will always be on my mind............

Son, for whatever paths you take,
it is my sincere hope that,
you shall achieve success in your own way.
I shall always pray that,
the Almighty grants you a life

of good health, happiness, prosperities,
and a life of no regret..........

Coffeeism - New Religion !

I am what I am.

I am a New Age Coffeeist.

I See, I Smell, I Feel, I Touch
I Taste, I Hear, I Sex, I Love
and a lot more.................
But most important of all, I enjoy drinking black coffee.
Therefore, I am the Dalai Baru ( the Black Dalai That Come ) !!!!!
Want to seek my blessing ?
Please make an appointment with the Dalai Lama first.

I know, you are not what you are !
I think you need help,
Come ! Come to papa now !
I will teach you to be a fisher of ................ ( you fill in the blank )
Forget about all the rituals and procedure
Forget about the hatreds
Forget about the intolerances
Forget about the jealousies
Forget about the fears
Forget about the punishments
Forget about the contempts
Forget about all those negative things preached.......

He who sows the seed, reaps the fruits.

He who plays with fire, achieves warm orgasms.

He who loves pet, enjoys warm pussies.

He who masturbates, eventually get screwed.

My new Religion should be fun,
All men are kind. All women are beautiful.
and there is a place for everybody in heaven & hell.
I sell DIY kit for you to become your own spiritual leader.

Om money comin' plenty plenty
Om Namo Amen-thaba Jesus !

The journey continues......

Most people feared their own death and have emotional problem coping with love ones passing away. Why ? Human beings tend to be logical in deriving conclusion using existing naked parameters of science, but when come to handling death, we simply are not able to conclude whether death is the end of everything, or death is just the beginning of another stage of spiritual journey to greater enlightenment. In short, is there "life after death" ?

Despite the advances of human knowledge in sciences and technologies, we are simply incapable of deriving a conclusive mathematical evidence of the existence of continued conservation of energies in another dimension. As a result, death in itself has become a fear based opinion despite the assurance of eternity by all major established religion. Our spiritual values system has become normative judgement in contradiction to our logical observations of scientific denociations.

Environment maketh the man, BUT the almighty maketh the environment. There is eternity......

Perhaps, the time has not come yet for mankind to devise a factually driven conclusion on the existence of "life after death". The almighty has intentionally leave out this complicated dimension from human capability of understanding facts and sciences. Spirituality and morality can not be measured using the parameter of sciences. As long as human being are still driven by animalistic behaviors, the fear of the unknowns of death will continue to haunt us. Death in itself is the wages for earthly sin. Death is the certainty and the fourth dimensions of spiritualism- a prison to contain and rehabilitate the sinned souls of mankind before it proceed to the next dimension of spiritual journey of cosmic enlightenment.

So is there Life after death ? Believe me, this is not a question of whether we WANT to believe or we NEED to believe. What you can not comprehend or don't understand does not mean it doesn't exist. It simply means that, at your present state of aura and spirituality, you are not initiated to understand the concept of death as another dimension of spiritualism. There is definitely "life" after death. Death is a dimension of beautiful colors and lights, warm and soothing sensations, safe and comfortable realm, and beautiful music. So why fear death ? What you need to fear is your ignorant and your inability to understand your purpose in this earthly dimensions. Beyond that, the journey goes on, and life and death is actually a recursive loop of cosmic relativities.

All of us has a purpose in this earthly dimensions. DO GOOD, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and practice fairness, respect, and love. You will definitely have a better journey after death. Sound confused ? Don't worry, your times will come. When the gate is open, you will be guided, just walk through that gate into the lights, the blue marble will slowly and soothingly fade away from your sights, and a beautiful city welcomes you. Which beautiful city welcomes you actually depend on your heart and your deeds in this earthly path...........

My good brothers on the other side, thank you very much for enlightening me. For the time being, my purpose is not done yet. While I continue my earthly journey, I wish you a good cosmic journey ahead. 再见 !

Om mani padme hum, Om mani padme hum, Om mani padme hum, Om mani padme hum, Om mani padme hum, Om mani padme hum, Om mani padme hum.