Saturday, August 09, 2008

Friday night's reflections.....

I have not been in the best of health for the past one month or so, I guess this is basically part and parcel of growing old. I like to think that, as you grow older, you become wiser, but in the process of becoming a wiser man, degenerative body parts malfunctions slowly creeps in to test your faith and confidence.

I hate to visit the doctors. But what choice do I have, when ill health set in, visitation to the doctors are necessary evils. Sometimes, I do have a creepy feeling whenever the so called specialists have funny and strange specializations. For example, gastroenterology, urology, cardiology, etc. My God, modern medicine is such, they actually have specialists for everybody parts ! It is not uncommon that, when you checked into a hospital, you will be ding-dong among various specialists. At the end of the day, if your illness or disease don't kill you, the hospital bill will.

Honestly, I would like to grow old gracefully. I do hope ill health will not become part of the burden of growing old. As much as I need support from my family members to manage ill health, the rational side of me also dictate that I should not be a burden to my family members. Sometimes, I do felt it is better for me to keep the state of my health to myself and manage it within my sensibility, rather than causing unnecessary worries to others. I do believe, I have the mental strength and emotional stability to manage whatever that are degenerative and unwelcome. The rest, I leave it to the almighty to decide and dictate.

I have been having disturbed sleeps and woke up extremely early, sometimes as early as 4:00am in the morning, over the past few weeks. Usually I will go downstairs to the living room, tuned the radio for some soft music to listen. Looking at the positive side, I actually did enjoy the solitude in the early morning. Those serene solitudes gave me the opportunities to reflect upon life in my younger days. Honestly, I lived a humbled and down-to-earth life with beautiful children and a supportive wife, I sincerely have no regret in my life. It is a life well lived by any standard. And I will continue to live life as it is. Life may be tough in the days ahead, but who cares ? I always believe, I am tougher than life.


Of course, in my life, there are many times I felt betrayed by people I cared and loved. But those experiences did make me emotionally stronger and more appreciative of people who showered me with sincerity. I realized, whatever negative things that happened are not going to change. I must accept the reality of the past events, and move forward to let go the pain by embracing the future. What worth is revenge when we are burdened with hatreds and consciously causing hurts to others with negative energies ? I have learned to let go of the pain by becoming more forgiving. I guess, this is the wisdom gained as I aged. I am now beginning to understand certain actions of my late parents. The more I tried to be a man on my own, the more I am becoming them. Well, the seasonality of life does comes in cycles.

Tomorrow morning, whatever it may, in sickness or in good health, I would like to smell the flowers, and, life goes on................

Om Mani Pedme Hum. Good NiteZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.............

2 comments:

rummuser said...

A very nice blog that I could relate to. I hope to return often and comment and invite you to do the same in my blog.

I too have some of the problems that you have listed but I tackle them differently. Would love to exchange notes.

Abu Raihan said...

i was here