Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Life in the fag lane

There are just too many things in my mind that need to be prioritized today, and many chores for tomorrow running through my head. It is just one of those typical day of too many things to do with too short a time to accomplish. But, the effect of the long Chinese New Year holiday still lingering around. I am still in holiday mood and admittedly, I am also not in the best of my health ! I am going to take on today on a more relax pace, and let not the outstanding matters rush me through the day.

I took a short walk from my office to the nearby field, intending to find a shady spot, and sit there to enjoy smoking my cigarettes. I was thinking, maybe the lazy and relax pace will calm my troubled minds.

A group of children were playing in the field joyously and innocently. They ran erratic paths in the field, they fell, and they help each other to get up. From afar, they gazed at me, waving their hands to acknowledge my presence. One little boy ran to me, offering his ball said “Uncle, you want to play ? Papa said smoking is bad for your body”. Instinctively, I apologized and snuffed out my cigarette. Such a well mannered and caring boy. His parents must be very proud of him. I enjoyed watching the children play. I asked myself, when was the last time I enjoy watching children playing in the playground ?

Life is short, and good times won't last. In our haste to get thing done, we often worked long hours, cultivated unhealthy habits, and neglected our health. From the facial expressions of the little boy, I see through his eyes, the sorrow of my wife and children watching me wasting my health away with my chained smoking habits. Indeed, I had lost touch with my sense of wellbeing. In my chauvinistic way, I had unknowingly throwing away their invaluable caring gifts unopened.

Perhaps, I had been living on the philosophy that I should only live life long enough to sustain my usefulness. I do not wish to be a burden to myself and my family member as I aged. I just want to live my productive life according to my own fancy, so that when I died, I can just let go smilingly and without regret to meet my creator. How selfish I was, living life the way I intend it to be on my own terms, expecting my loved ones to comply.

Perhaps, tomorrow I will cut down my cigarettes smoking......... hopefully, I would be able to wake up tomorrow morning to see the aurora before sun rises, smell the flowers, watch the birds and the bees, and, watch the sun sets.

Om Mani Pedme Hum........

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

yeah....snuffed out that cigi of yours now ! Now......