Sunday, November 16, 2008

Round Three : A week that was…

It’s been a week since I received my chemotherapy. For those who have not experienced chemo treatments, it can be quite an emotionally exhaustive and depressing experience. Put it this way, the treatment room are full of cancer patients waiting for their turn to be injected with cancer drugs. I am already very weary of having needle poking into various part of my arm. There are varieties of expressions exhibited by the cancer patients. Although most of them tried their level best to showcase their positive and brave sides, but being a patient myself, looking through their eyes and body languages, I felt their senses of uncertainty and sadness of being entrapped into the unwelcome predicaments.

As mentioned in my previous blog entry, I received my chemo therapy on Monday morning, where a combination of drugs was intravenously pumped into my body. The session lasted about 2 hours. Everything went well, and I was discharged in the evening on the same day.

On the second day onward, in spite of my determination to be positive and look forward to the curative effects of the chemo, I developed sore throat and ulcers on the tongue. The new complications made food intakes extremely uncomfortable. In addition, I also encountered uncontrollable mood swings, where I find it difficult to control my emotions. I was hit by miserable emotions and was trying very hard to get out of it. I know, if I allow these negative emotions to consume me, it will ultimately affect my family members. To overcome these problems, I resorted to brush my teeth and rinse my mouth my Oral-B after every meals, as well as drinking a lot of liquid to hopefully “dilute” the infections in throat and tongue. I also keep myself alone and occupied with reading the Bible to keep my mind at ease. Miraculously, reading the Bible did restore calmness into my mind. Praise the Almighty for allowing me this luxury of mental escapism.

Thanks God, the sore throats and ulcers at the tongue disappeared on the fifth day. With regards to the unexpected moods swings, it is back to normalcy now. At least, for the time being, I am in control of my emotion, and my negative energy did not dissipate out to affect the emotional well being of my family members.

With regards to pain management, I had been out of pain killer for the last one week. My back pain is now randomly minimal, and my abdominal pain is also manageable now. I like to think of this as a good sign of recovery.

Whatever it is, I do realized; my current state of health had changed and turned my life up side down. I know, life will never be the same again. From now on, I will have to try my best to adapt to the new situation to make the best out of every new circumstance. It sounds like it is going to be a journey into the unknown, but I know, through the grace of the Almighty, these new challenges will eventually enriched and enlightened my life. I believe, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. HOPE and FAITH shall be my greatest medicine to overcome Cancer. At the end of the day, Life is always a philosophy of Mind over Matter, and I am now in the process of living it. I will always have a Strong mind to manage this small cancer matter !

At the moment, I do feel very tire. I am closing off this blog entry with a prose I wrote in November 2007:

Life's Journey?

to be alive for years,
yet when finality descends,
Would we be able to depart
with purpose accomplished?

We live the days,
as if death was nowhere.
We immortalized selfish agenda,
relentlessly pursuit wealth and power,
and seeking recognition of accomplishments.
there shall come a time,
we shall travel long and far,
to seek that distance glorious lights,
finding our way home
to Almighty's eternal paradise.

With a tired body in eternal rest,
and soul set free from this realm,
would we be able to bid farewell,
to all the people we once loved?
Would we be able to seek forgiveness
to all the people we once wronged?

The musicians fiddle the riddles.
Friends and loved one
whisper silent prayers.
Down into the darkness of grave.
Can we hear?
Can we feel?
Can we realize?
What fool we once were?

1 comment:

Jacqie said...

Hey, I found your side from my friend felicia who happens to be ur niece :D. My mom had the same problem as you, but she had lymphoma cancer. She was diagnose with it in August 2007, it was a very depressing time for us. She went thru Chemo and with all the prayers by everyone around her, she is now as healthy as ever and I really praise the Lord for it. I guess God always knows what's best. Trust in him. God is good all the time!!! :D You'll be in my prayers too!!!