Thursday, November 27, 2008

Life with Cancer

The word, CANCER, is such a scary word. Through out the previous few months, friends and relatives who visited me, are always trying to be politically correct by not directly referencing my health condition as CANCER. For example, they will always be very careful with the choice of words such as “How are feeling today with your health condition?” “How is your Fight with the disease?” etc. etc. In a way, I am sort of getting use to all the politically correct terminologies. Honestly speaking, I know I have Cancer, and I accept the fact that it is a terminal disease. By not referencing the word Cancer is not going to change the outcome. As far as I am concern, I am no longer obsessed with the longitivity of life. For better or for worst, to live the remaining part of my life meaningfully, it is my obligation to ensure I live a Quality life. In this regard, I seek not sympathy for my unintended situation, but, I sincerely appreciate my friends and relatives can convert their sympathies into moral support. I do sincerely need all the moral support to fight and move on with life.

I have completed 2 rounds of chemotherapies. I am schedule to receive my 3rd chemotherapy treatment on this coming Monday. I did not encounter any problem after my first chemotherapy, but the second chemotherapy did give some surprises. After the second chemotherapy, I developed sore throat, ulcers in the tongue, dry palms, tingling sensation in my arm, loss of appetite, and chest pains. I do hope, after the 3rd chemotherapy, the side effects will be minimized and manageable. I do not look forward to this coming Monday’s treatment, but what choice do I have, it is part of the necessary actions in the recovery of my health. Whatever it is, I do hope the coming blood test qualify me to be medically fit to receive my 3rd chemotherapy.

As I mentioned in my previous journal entry that, cancer has changed my life, and it will never be the same again. Indeed, the previous few months has been a very difficult but enlightening experience.

Every morning, I wake up to the realization that, I have to live with that extra lump of protoplasm in my body. That protoplasm is not just any amoeba splitting and dividing at an exponential rate, but potentially a biological time bomb that will eventually consume me if my treatment regime failed. The more I tried to forget about my current negative health, the more I am being reminded of the fragility of life. Every morning, I wake up with abdominal pain and congested chest. Those nasty mutants do have a persistent way of trying to demoralize me with their nasty actions of inflicting consistent pains to my body, and fears into my mind. But I am still a logical sane man, to recover my health, I need to have stronger determination and faith in GOD of not allowing fears and physical pains to poison my mental well-being. I know where I stand in the great scheme that the Almighty designed for me, the mighty God will eventual make a way for me in the right direction to attain spiritual enlightenment to overcome my emotional fears and physical pains.

My niece gave me a new Bible with bigger print because I was struggling and having trouble reading the small print Bible. As I flipped through the pages of the new Bible, the following verses came out. :

“And he saith unto them, Because of your little faith: for verily I say unto you, if ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.” – Matthew 17:20.

I know, it is a long road ahead for me to win this battle against Cancer. But I have faith in the Almighty that eventually, I shall overcome this medical condition to claim my entitled victory. “My enemies (tumor) will retreat when I call to you for help, This I know: God is on my side” Psalm 56:9.

I can sense the presence of Almighty God around me. I know, he is cheering me on to have more faith in HIM. I shall.

I am here to live my life. Praise the Lord.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Bro CK Loh

I suggest you pick up a great book, Gifts Of Life, Facing Cancer by Foo Hee Boon. It is a beautiful book written by a cancer victim with stories and to tell and lessons to share. The book is available in MPH Bookstores.

This might be useful for you since you are also writing a book about your experience.

Best Wishes