Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The fear factors.......

There are times, my little demented mind drifted away into the unknown land of fear. Occasionally, I fear for the eventuality of my deteriorating health and its subsequent eventualities. The mind is such a dangerous playground that, sometimes, it is depressing to wondering around the virtual perimeter of this mental realm aimlessly, looking for answers to undefined problems. A famous scientist once said, “nothing in life is to be fear, but only to be understood” The reality is, fear is a consequent of uncertainty and unknown. When there is no knowledge of what is yet to come, what is there to be understood ? We fear death, but do we understand death ? Sometimes, when faced with uncertainties, I think I have the tendency of hiding under my own shadow and fear its darkness ! This logical mind, has it been contaminated with all those treatment protocols ?

Times and again, I was told, in order to win my battle against my illness, I must be positive and be brave to face whatever challenges ahead. But my dilemma is, how can I be brave when I have no knowledge of what is the safe distant ? I would like to look straight into the face of fear, but fear is faceless, and an undefined emotion in my deluded mind.

I do not claim to be able to understand my fear. But whatever it is, and it may, I will honestly admit my weaknesses and ignorance of the potential outcomes, face fear with a logical mind, and embrace whatever that come along as my fate or karma. By being logical in my struggle against fear, am I a brave man ? Or was it that I look brave because I have no other option to run away from the eventualities. Sometimes, I do pray to the Almighty to grant me the wisdom to plan my best action, the courage to decide, and the virtue to execute the planned action with grace.

How I wish fear is just a packet of powdered instant drink, where I can dissolve it into a glass of warm water, and drink it away to quench my thirst for enlightenment. On the positive side, I have come this far dealing and coping with my treatment regimes, what are there to be feared anymore ? I think I am worth more than many sparrows, the good Lord will protect and embrace me with his almighty grace.

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. “ (2 Timothy 1:70

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