Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Bits & Bytes.....

I went for my 8th 3DCRT session today. So, with 8 down, I still have at least 23 more sessions to go. These sessions will keep me occupied until end of July 2009. My friend, Suet Fun, met me and my wife at the Radiotherapy centre of the hospital. After my RT, we went to an Indian Restaurant at Jalan Gasing for some light snacks. Surprisingly, my appetite for foods is good today, I managed to finished 3 quarters piece of Roti telur, few pieces of spicy curry chicken, and a small cup of Teh Halia. If I can maintain my current improvement of appetite, I should be able to arrest my declining weight. I am now weighing at around 65KG. Compared to my 102 Kg a year ago, I am now not half the man I used to be !!!!!

The 3DCRT session usually last less than 15 minutes a day, and compared to intravenous chemotherapy, it is much more “comfortable” to deal with. However, 3DCRT in combination with oral chemo drugs also comes with its documented sides effects. I had been told to expect softness and sore in foot and palm, mouth ulcers, diarrhea, constipation, etc. But so far, after 8 sessions of treatment, I only encountered constipation issues and nausea. Yesterday, I encountered some minor nose bleeding, but I was told not to be overly alarmed by this side effects. I guess, after almost a years of dealing with so many treatment protocols and drugs, I am more or less getting used to expecting the unexpected.

I also realized, I am beginning to lose some minor motor control of my physical body. Last Sunday, while walking with my son at a park in Shah Alam, I fell down twice because, for no apparent reasons, my left leg just went limped and encountered momentary lost of sensations. There are also quite a numbers of recent occasions where I had problem to lift my left leg momentarily. I seriously do not think this is a side effect of the 3DCRT or oral chemo drugs. Most probably it is caused by malnutrition of proteins and wastage of muscle tissues. I just need to make sure I put in more proteins into my system, and exercise my leg to built back the needed muscle tissues.

As part of the assessment of my new treatment;s progress, I took my blood test on Friday, and the result which was released on Monday, was not encouraging at all, my CA 19.9 market shot up substantially. Probably in the past, the Taceva did managed to control the cancer cells but was not able to trigger remission. Perhaps, while I am implementing new treatment strategy to eliminate the cancer cells, those nasty mutants also quietly launched a counter attack against me. I suspect, the new treatment protocol of 3DCRT in combination with Xeloda was not able to achieve the desired result yet. The good doctor told me not to overly anxious about the latest test result, but to continue with the new treatment strategy and to wait out for the next 2 to 3 test results.

On Monday, after my usual 3dCrT session, I came home a bit tired and proceeded to take rest in my room. I fell asleep soon, but suddenly realized I had problem breathing ! In my semi conscious dreamy state, I saw a young handsome boy resembling me stomping his foot on my face. I struggled to freed myself from the situation and woke up from my short sleep. My first realization is, was this boy my son ? Many years ago, I made a decision to medically terminate the life of my 2nd unborn child. That cold clinical decision was not an easy decision, but nevertheless, I made that decision. I though, after so many years, I had let go, but it doesn't seemed to be. That decision I made, keep coming back to haunt me in many emotional and irrational manifestations. Sometimes, I do wish I can turn back the clock, see things differently, and perhaps, with different outcomes.

Being inflicted with this dreaded illness also made me realized how lucky I am. I am blessed with so many beautiful people in my times of difficulties. I have a very supportive spouse who is willing to accommodate my needs at all times. I also realized, my children have suddenly grown up trying their level best to show their appreciations and to be supportive of me. I am also blessed with so many good friends and relatives who constantly gave me words of encouragements, assistances, and moral support to help me fight on.

I have a good family and good friends. Well, life is beautiful ! But I do missed my cup of hot aromatic black coffee..................

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hang in there ,brother....
Thanks for the book...It is like getting to know you..
You r in my