Thursday, June 04, 2009

The side effects again......

I have not been updating my journal on a regular basis. I do realized, I been getting easily tired nowadays, probably due to the side effects of the targeted drugs, and mentally, I am also getting very exhausted dealing with the surprises that had been inflicted on my physical body. My God, cancer is indeed such a horrible illness, no matter how positive and determined you are, one way or another, it will find a way to demoralized you emotionally and physically when you least expect it.

Since starting on the targeted dug, I developed rashes all over my body and facial areas, and my skin also looked darker due to pigmentation. As I progressed along the fourth month of this oral drug therapy, the intensity of the rashes are beginning to tapper off. However, With one side effect subsided, another few side effects also began to manifest their dreadedness. For the past one month or so, my appetites for foods was getting from bad to worst, and also having to deal with the too frequent constipation issues. Due to lack of desires for foods, I am beginning to lose weight again. I can sense that my body is getting weaker and getting tired easily, probably due to lack of proper nutrition. I do hope I can solve these new side effects sooner.

Pains and discomforts had and always been the biggest challenge since I was diagnosed with cancer. I do realized, for the past three weeks, the intensity of pains and discomforts are getting unbearable. So much so that, I think it affects my mental alertness and logical thinking. So far, the prescribed pain killer does help to reduce the intensity of the pains. The portable Infra Red light device also comes handy in soothing the muscle and nerve discomforts. I do hope my condition is not degrading towards the worst. I have cut down my morning exercise, because increasingly, it is getting a bit difficult for me due my weakened physical body. Well, I got to keep telling myself to stay strong, control my frustration, and stay positive to find a way to minimized the pains and discomforts.

Honestly, I think I am getting a little bit fed up of all these inconveniences caused by these unbearable pains and discomforts. I wished I can just shout out to my family members that I am in great pains and all of them rush to my attention. But would that help to reduce my pains ? I am not a parasite that depend on others for my well being. I got myself into this medical mess, it is now up to me to find a way to heal myself. I got to fight this dreaded illness like a real warrior. They said, No Pains, No Gains ! I got to overcome the pains, restore my logical mind to think of an improved strategy to win, and to live my life as normally as possible. It is going to be a very painful fight, but I do hope to emerge from this episode of life with gained wisdom.

Over the last 3 months, I am also emotionally affected by the news of friends being inflicted with cancer. First, a friend was diagnosed with cancer of the uterus, she went though a successful operation, and is now receiving chemotherapy. About two months ago, a distant relative was diagnosed with lung cancer, she is currently also under chemotherapy. This week, I was informed that, a close friend was diagnosed with colon cancer. She went for operation to remove part of the colon yesterday. I do not know the outcome of the operations. These are all perfectly good people with healthy lifestyles. I do wonder how those sneaky cancer cells managed to breakthrough into their immune system. Perhaps, the Almighty does have a perverted sense of inappropriateness. Emotionally, I think I am too exhausted by all these unhealthy news. I will keep them in my prayers, and hope the Almighty can grant them speedy recovery.

Whatever it is, I thank the Almighty for keeping me alive to fight this dreaded illness. I also thank the Almighty for giving me this alert mind to share out my experiences with others. Praise the Lord.....

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear CK

This is the 1st time I write. I am a breast cancer survival. Someone introduce your blog to me. I feel anxious even now. Would like to share that no doubt we have ourself to be responsible for our well being but there are other factors such as pollution, stress from people,environment etc to consider. I wish to let you know that I enjoy reading your blog. Keep it up. Thx