Moving on.............

Sometimes, I asked myself, what does it take to beat the nasty Cancer ? I had been on this journey of enlightenment for more than a years, spend substantial financial resources, emotional reservation, and physical endurances to fight these nasty mutant cells. Looking back and taking stock of current situation, I am still at where I started. The tumor is still at its originally diagnosed size, and the CA19.9 marker is still out of the normal range. I guess, I am still no where near the victory mark. The only encouraging sign is, the cancer has not metastasized, and I am still standing on my two feet plotting strategy in my attempt to defeat those unwelcome invaders. I guess, the answer I am seeking lies within me.......

It is a very frustrating period for me, and emotionally, at times, I am almost at breaking point. However, I told myself, I had gone thus far, surrendering now is not an option. I will keep fighting till my last “drop of blood”. I honestly do not know how long I can go living with this state of anxieties, fears, and uncertainties. The only thing I can do now is to have faith in the doctors and medical team that attended to my treatment regime.

I have been praying to the Almighty for miracles, but frankly, I do not think the Almighty is capable to heal me. Well, my fellow Christian brothers and sisters may accused me of having lack of faith in the Almighty, but the truth of the matter is, I got to believe in facts not fallacies. So far, this Almighty fella has shown no capability to heal, he failed. It is now up to me to mentally prepare myself to be physically and mentally fit to fight this battle on my own. I must continue to remain strong and positive in my ability to make informed decisions and to keep fighting against all odds. I pray that the Almighty will not let me lose hope in the sacredness of life.

So far all the treatment protocols did not produced the desired result. I am disappointed, but like it or not, I got to move on with life, and manage my expectations from here. To stay positive, I need to move out from this cocoon of trapping myself in fearing failed treatment protocols. I need to have faith in the medical team to keep my cancer at bay and become a survivor to lead a normal active life.

I know, the journey ahead is not going to be any more easier than I first started. I did not bargained to put myself into this precarious situation. Believe me, it is not easy living in fear of the unknowns, but the cruelty of life is such, sometimes, like it or not, when you are at the receiving end, you got to stay even stronger to get out from the mess. For better or for worst, I need to stay calm and rational about every decision I am going to make, and I need to summon all my courage to instill a semblance of bravery into me to journey on.

A the end of the day, I may win, or I may lose this battle along this treacherous journey, but I want to be put on record that, I fought a good fight, and I had made all possible attempts to complete this journey. So, place a yellow ribbon on your desk to cheer me on..........