Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Round 8 : The last round ?

Oh, not again ! Tomorrow I have to go for the 7th round of chemotherapy. The thought of spending more than 2 hours patiently waiting for the cocktails of liquid drugs being intravenously feed into my body made me very uncomfortable. Honestly, I am already very fed-up, or perhaps felt very frustrated with all those needles poking into me for all those blood test, administration of chemo drugs, and for various tests.

Another round of chemotherapy ? I am so very tired !!!

Most likely, the good doctor will order me to go through some basic blood test, administer the chemotherapy, then prescribe another 30 days of Tarceva drugs to be taken orally. So, it looks like by April 11th 2009, I should be finishing all my Chemotherapy sessions. After that, the doctor will probably order another Computer Tomography scan and blood test, before deciding on next course of actions.

Well, time flies ! It has been more than 7 months of treatment regime to counter the cancer. I do sincerely hope I do not have to go through another 7 more months of treatment regime. It's been a very frustrating experience mentally and emotionally. I am confident that, by the end of the 7th round of chemotherapy, the tumor would be knocked out, and the cancer marker drift ed back to its normal range. Looking back, during the previous 7 months, my life has been turned upside down. I felt easily fatigued, lacked of appetite, and went through all those dreadful side effects I mentioned in my previous posts. I almost lost ll my hair and looked like a very different person ! And on a daily basis, I was constantly being hit combination of negative emotions such as fear, anxiety, anger, frustration, sadness, etc. Physically, I have also lost more than 25kg of weight, and change in physical appearance. In short, this cancer thingy shaken me unexpectedly, and disrupted my normal routines, lifestyle, and and habits. At times, I am at a lost for words on how to express my experiences, expectations, and frustrations to my loved one. I know, It has not been easy on them having to provide cares to me, and at the same times bearing with my fluctuating emotionalities. I do sincerely hope they can bear with me a little bit longer while the fight is still on.

During the past few months, I have also increasingly turning into religion trying to harmonize my body and soul. It is also my hope that, with stronger faith in spirituality, I can trigger my body automatic healing response for spontaneous remission of the tumors. In another word, as much as I believe in the conventional treatment protocols, I am also praying for miracles to happened !

I know, it is difficult to put up a brave front when you know you are sick with uncertain treatment outcomes. I shall keep my faith for healing, and go about my life as routinely as possible. In dealing with this adversities, I must remain positive to keep good vibes, resiliencies, and energies to beat all those cancer cells circulating within my bodies. I know, it is and will be a hard battle ahead against those cancer cells, but I am going to make it, and I am going to beat all those cancer cells in my journer towards recovery of health.