Dancing with the shadow

Sometimes I do wonder why I am so preoccupied with so many things. I made too many plans and left with too little time to execute those beautifully crafted plans. My perverted mind is too preoccupied with the problems of others, and I end up with too many baggage to shoulder on.

How oxymoronic I am ! At times, I told myself, no body owed me a living and neither do I owed anybody a living. I want to let go of all burdens and responsibilities, enjoy and pamper myself with every little luxury I can afford, but at times I unnecessarily embraced myself with obligations and responsibilities to ensure the well beings of others.

I want to lead a spiritual life, but I also treasured my materialistic luxuries and the privilege to indulge in occasional erotic perversions and sinful containments. When spirituality gets too close to my state of being, I fought to disengage the link to the other dimension. When I am too comfortable with materialistic gains, I choose to be charitable to seek closer affinity to spirituality. I am attracted to the law of abundances but I am also attracted to the zen of nothingness and emptiness. As it is, because of my neither here nor there attitude, I end up neither rich nor poor. I can afford to acquire what I do not want, but I cannot afford what I want. How ironic ! My only wish is, the almighty grants me enough for today, and let me not worry about tomorrow.

Occasionally, I do have the funny feeling that, if I go to bed tonight, what assurance do I have that I can wake up alive tomorrow morning ? Life is like a funny poker game, we really do not know when we will be forced to show hands. But whatever it is, happy or sad, success or failure, and come what may, the future will still remain dictating its on outcome. Can we really control the futures ? But one thin for sure, we can definitely ruined the future if we worry too much about the present. So, why not I live for today, and stop indulging in unnecessary worries or making too many plans for tomorrow, and day after tomorrow….. ?

We said, God is all loving, but we conduct killings in the name of God! We want to gain wisdom, but we feared growing old ! We want to be kind, but we consoled ourselves that, in order to be kind, we need to be cruel ! We want to be a good person, but we acknowledged that, we need to be nasty to get things done ! The law of relational theory states that, we need two negatives to make one positive. So, mathematically speaking, in order to be good, we need to be doubly bad.

Life, how ironic it is ? We are, after all, a bunch of oxymorons wandering like lost souls on this blue marble called earth.

Well, it is about time for me to go to sleepzzzzzz. I will end my day with a good thought, and tomorrow, if I ever have the opportunity to wake up alive, I will start my day with a good thought also……

Om Mani Pedme Hum..... Good NiteZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.