How much does happiness costs ?

I remembered the good old days when I practically don't have any money in my pocket. Everyday, I woke up looking forward to make enough money to cover my expenses for the rest of the day, and as well as enough money to cover the rest of the month. I had never look beyond more than a month. But life then was so much more easier, simpler, and happier.

Now, as it is, I consider myself lucky to own a building of my own, a comfortable home, a profitable small business, and all those little luxuries I dream of, but can not afford then. But am I more happy now compared to what I used to be ? Good question. Honesty, I do have my doubt.

Back then, I ate whatever sinfully delicious foods that were presented on the table. But now, I was told those delicious foods are not good for my health. I end up eating more healthier foods, but TASTELESS ! And there are also so many things I can afford to do without any second thought, but now, I think twice before I ventured into any of those things for fear of personal safety and other considerations. Am I living life no more ?

With better credit rating, I can now buy more things with money I don't have. With better disposal income, I also owned more “assets” partially financed by borrowed money. To maintain the status quo, I got to work so much more harder and dealing with more people I don't like, to defend those assets and incomes. With this newly acquired better financial status, am I happier now ?

Honestly, I do hope I acquired enough mental stamina not to be overwhelmed by pressure to fall into depression or suffering from mental illness at later part of my life. In the name of prosperity, I had seen many people incapacitated by their inability to deal with the complexities of life and eventually suffering from delusions and lunacy. All I ever want in life is, a comfortable financial status and simple happiness for the remaining journey of my life. I do sincerely pray to God not to deliver me into over ambitious pursuit of material wealths that eventually brought me into a state of perpetual happiness confined in a lunatic institution.

How much does happiness costs ? A pack of cigarettes cost Rm 8.20 and a cup of hot coffee costs less than RM 2.00, and they bring momentary satisfaction and happiness in a moment in times. Can we multiply them to perpetuate these satiation and happiness ? I don't know. Maybe that funny almighty fella up there in our deluded minds knows the answer.

I worked hard to acquired more money. When the money is finally deposited in my name, it is just a number to me. I don't feel any happier either. But when I donated those hard earned money to charity, the funny thing, I actually felt happier ! I think I am slowly deluded with the values of money, and let's hope this delusion does not drives me into insanity.

What worth is the values of money when it can't buy happiness with the limited time I have ? Well, it is about time to seriously considering retirement plan. But that is for me to ponder tomorrow. Tonight, I am going to have a good night sleep. Good NiteZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

Life, with all its attachments for desires, is indeed a suffering in disguise. Om Mani Pedme Hum. Namo Amithaba Buddha.