Tuesday, May 26, 2009


It is a good day today. I woke up this morning with the realization that, my back pains are substantially reduced. I am now left with only my abdominal pains and constipations issues to deal with. I had been on high fiber diet, but it look like constipation is still a major issue for me. With regards to the abdominal pains, my take on this issue is, after months of coping with it, I am more or less getting used to this habitual discomforts. My main concern is more on how to contain the size of the tumor and to prevent it from spreading to other organs.

As I mentioned before, during the past few weeks I was bombarded by a lot of well intended spiritual advise from my Christian friends, so much so that it gave me an impression that these friends are blindingly trying to score brownie point from the Almighty without due regards to my mental health. I doubt these people know what they are talking about ! My feeling is, having faith in the Almighty is a good thing, but blind and illogical faith is dangerous. I will not be that stupid to follow some of those illogical advise to abandon treatment and leave my healing to faith alone. I bet if these people are suffering from chronic diseases, the first thing they would do is to run to the doctor to seek treatments, rather than singing praises to the Lord for his wisdom to test their faith. I am not being sarcastic here, but sometimes, I do wonder, when subject to extreme conditions, would our actions still consistent with our preached word ?

Mentally, I was affected by all these well intended advises. My mind was not at peace and I was mentally disturbed. I need to find a way to restore my mental peace. Perhaps, meditation will do me some good to sooth my troubled mind. I went to the Subang Jaya Buddhist Aassociation yesterday, and met up with the secretary of the association and a resident monk. The purpose of my visit is to enquire information on meditation. The monk gave me a brief introduction of 2 types of meditation – Focus ( loving – kindness ) meditation, and Insight ( Vipasana ) meditation. He also gave me some tips on how to perform focus meditation. He is quite kind to offer me the use the meditation hall facility to practice meditation free of charge.

For a start, I will start the DIY focus meditation at the comfort of my home. At my condition, there is nothing to lose for trying out new thing to improve my mental strength. My objective is, I need to cultivate a strong mental strength, where my mind can control my body to activate healing. If meditation can help to improve my overall situation, then praise be with the Lord.

I am not disillusioned with the mighty power and mercy of the Almighty. The bottom line is, I do personally believe, to win this fight against cancer, not only must I rely on modern medicines, but I must also make sure that I find a way to maintain my mental health in tip top condition to make logical decisions. For the time being, meditation seems like a good option to me !

Looking back, no doubt the past few months have been a very challenging period for me, but somehow, I had been blessed with the strengths and abilities to overcome difficult situations. I guess, at the end of the day, all these experiences will graduate me to become a man of wisdom !

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