Thursday, January 15, 2009

Of life with cancer........

The other day, I was asked by a visitor with questions like “Are you dying of cancer ?”, “How much time are you left with ? “, “How is your preparation to meet with your maker “”, etc., etc., etc..... I am so used to people saying inappropriate things to cancer patients like me because they want to look and sound normal when dealing with such taboo illness such as cancer. Honestly, I do not felt uncomfortable at all with these type of questions, because I am more than normal compared to all those normal person out there.

Surprise, surprise, surprise.... I am going to touch on the subject of cancer again. Not surprise ? No ? Well, at my current state of mind and self imposed lack of productive activities, I do find it de-stressing to talk about cancer and my so called “amazing journey” of “glorifying cancer” !

For a start, why do we always associate cancer with death and sufferings ? Without wanting to disappoint all those pessimists, I am not dying of cancer, but living with cancer. I am not really worry about how much time I am left with, but rather, I am working on how to begin my life with new approach, and enjoy whatever time I am given with. Am I ready to meet my maker ? I know, death does not go away by denying the eventuality, but why do I have to worry about it now ? I will live life one day at a time, and sing praise of the Almighty's love every morning. When it comes to death, nothing really make sense, so why bother with the timing of death now ?

The funny thing about being inflicted with cancer is, because the word, CANCER, is such a scary word. It automatically put you into psychological gear of changes in life. Your life will never be the same again, and you are automatically geared into defensive to attempt to drive your life back into normal again. You began to realize the beauty of an ordinary day you used to grumbled about, and like it or not, you tend to miss everything that you considered normal in the past.

They said, when you are stricken with chronic disease, your life changed. Period. Well, is it an overstatement, or is it an understatement ? You can take it standing up, or sitting down. But look at the humanistic side, how many people can actually accept the news that they are inflicted with terminal illness with positivity ? I do not know about others, but my life did indeed changed ! Whether it changed for the better or worst, the only thing I can say now is, “stay tune....”.

I realized, the physical tumor is real and it is still there, but it doesn't really bother me anymore. I leave this medical problem to the good doctor to worry, I will move on with life, live life as it should be. I don't really know, whether I am now a survivor of cancer, or a cancer patient on the road to recovery. But one thing I do know, the Almighty has given me unparalleled inner strength to deal and cope with the challenges ahead. What ever it is, by faith, the Almighty is my healer, I leave it to the Almighty to decide my fate.

The thing about chronic disease such as cancer is, I had learned, it does not matter how you got it or why you got it. Since you are inflicted with it, you need to accept the fact that you are now one of the statistical figure in the shrine of cancer, you just need to summon whatever strength you have to manage it to ensure that you live a quality life and you are not a burden to others. You know, sometimes, watching my wife provide care to me is by itself a heart wrenching exercise. As a man, you are there to provide selfless comforts to the family, but now end up at the receiving end. There are also nights where pains and fears kept you awake and put you through agonizing hours of trying to sleep, but I also learned, there is this wonderful drug called Arcotia to put you back to your attempt to achieve nirvana of sleep. So, when dealing with cancer, it is all about the management aspects of it, and it is really a subject of mind over matter, if you don't mind, it doesn't really matter. With or without cancer, life does go on...... Honestly, I do realize now, life is really worth living, the future is worth facing, and as a cancer warrior, I shall fight till my last breath........

I know, it is a lonely and challenging road ahead, and there are no foot prints to guide me in my attempt to recover my health. But I am born with a will to survive, I shall fight my fight in that invincible war zone. It is between me and those prasitic mutant cells. My mask is now on, I am now the invincible cancer warrior hunting for those cancerous cells, to search and destroy, and to emerge victorious. .

I have learned to look at fear in the face, and along the road to recovery, I have gained courages and experiences to deal with the uncertainty of life. The whole process of living with cancer is itself a journey of enlightenment! As a cancer patient, I have an obligation to live my life to the fullest, and to fight the menace with all my spiritual and medical arsenal. I also have an obligation to be truthful to myself, live life as it is, and be an inspiration to others to overcome their predicaments. Well, whatever you are doing out there, let take a pause, and smell the roses.... It is a wonderful world out there !

C'est LaVie !!!!


KS Cheah said...

Wonderfully put bro. Keep up the Faith.


Anonymous said...

Father, thank You that Your mercies are new every morning for Ck. Forgive our sins. I humble myself before You and seek restoration for Ck . We need You! In Jesus' name. Amen.

(Jeremiah 46)