I shall overcome.......

2008 was indeed an interesting year. I've been to the mountaintop, and I 've also been to the valley. Health wise, it was indeed a roller coaster year for me. But the important thing is, I buckled my safety belt, and survived 2008. What a blessing !!!!

The year 2008 was indeed an enlightening experience for me. I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, went through failed alternative treatments, and currently still on chemotherapy. During the process, I learned to manage the side effects, the mood swings, and the expectations of life.

On the positive side, my Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome was miraculous cured. I am no longer addicted to coffee. I have also quit smoking. My weight is now maintain at 78kg compared to the previous high of 102 kg. In fact with the exception of cancer, I am more healthy than ever. For the rest of 2009, with the right treatment strategies and more faith in God, I believe, I can over come cancer. I know, I will.

I never been happier now than before. Looking back, the previous few months, I spend more quality time with my family than the previous 20 years. Although during the past 6 months, I was inflicted with occasional fears of cancer and the fragility of life, but I do realized, from fear, I derived hope, and it made me stronger physically and mentally.

I do hope the whole chemotherapy regime worked, where the tumor can be substantially reduced in sized, and the reading for cancer marker dropped to normal range. I do want to remove the fear factor from my daily life, and I do want my life to be back to normal. I do want to have the privilege of going back to work, enjoy quality times with my family members, and not be a burden to my wife and children. I really do not want to see my wife and children suffered from my occasional mood swings and their tiring efforts of providing care to me.

Honestly, there are nights where I was troubled by pains and where sleep won't come. No matter how positive and forward looking, I do occasionally stayed awake thinking and fearing about death, about my unfulfilled responsibilities to my wife and children, and how am I going to say goodbyes to my loved one. I do find myself in a difficult position, where the fear of unknown consumed my reasonable judgment. I think, only God understand my predicament. I really do not want to die young and I do not want to lapse into sufferings of pains. I want to try everything to overcome and recover my health. I do not want to live in false hope. I want to beat those nasty mutant cells in my body, and I want to be a survivor.

As a street fighter of circumstances, those fears and sufferings challenged me to bring the best out of me. I know, I will rise to the occasion and beat the odds again.

I am confident that 2009 will be a good year. And, I shall survive 2009 by living one day at a time.

2009, here I come.....