Thursday, January 01, 2009

I shall overcome.......

2008 was indeed an interesting year. I've been to the mountaintop, and I 've also been to the valley. Health wise, it was indeed a roller coaster year for me. But the important thing is, I buckled my safety belt, and survived 2008. What a blessing !!!!

The year 2008 was indeed an enlightening experience for me. I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, went through failed alternative treatments, and currently still on chemotherapy. During the process, I learned to manage the side effects, the mood swings, and the expectations of life.

On the positive side, my Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome was miraculous cured. I am no longer addicted to coffee. I have also quit smoking. My weight is now maintain at 78kg compared to the previous high of 102 kg. In fact with the exception of cancer, I am more healthy than ever. For the rest of 2009, with the right treatment strategies and more faith in God, I believe, I can over come cancer. I know, I will.

I never been happier now than before. Looking back, the previous few months, I spend more quality time with my family than the previous 20 years. Although during the past 6 months, I was inflicted with occasional fears of cancer and the fragility of life, but I do realized, from fear, I derived hope, and it made me stronger physically and mentally.

I do hope the whole chemotherapy regime worked, where the tumor can be substantially reduced in sized, and the reading for cancer marker dropped to normal range. I do want to remove the fear factor from my daily life, and I do want my life to be back to normal. I do want to have the privilege of going back to work, enjoy quality times with my family members, and not be a burden to my wife and children. I really do not want to see my wife and children suffered from my occasional mood swings and their tiring efforts of providing care to me.

Honestly, there are nights where I was troubled by pains and where sleep won't come. No matter how positive and forward looking, I do occasionally stayed awake thinking and fearing about death, about my unfulfilled responsibilities to my wife and children, and how am I going to say goodbyes to my loved one. I do find myself in a difficult position, where the fear of unknown consumed my reasonable judgment. I think, only God understand my predicament. I really do not want to die young and I do not want to lapse into sufferings of pains. I want to try everything to overcome and recover my health. I do not want to live in false hope. I want to beat those nasty mutant cells in my body, and I want to be a survivor.

As a street fighter of circumstances, those fears and sufferings challenged me to bring the best out of me. I know, I will rise to the occasion and beat the odds again.

I am confident that 2009 will be a good year. And, I shall survive 2009 by living one day at a time.

2009, here I come.....

3 comments:

ireneloh said...

new year..

new joys*******

new hopes,,,,,,,,

always in our prayers......

love from the chemor gang!!!!!

Anonymous said...

My son Lenny (through Larry) told me about you. My youngest sister is also battling colorectal cancer. Through it all, she has been boosted and strengthened by her faith in God and the love and prayers from all. I am sure you will be fine and I will say a daily prayer for you too.


angela ooi

Kit Ying said...

Yes CK Through our trials and suffering we emerge stronger and better. God had to break the old vessel to create a new and improved one. You are a resilient survivor and with your positive attitude you will be victorious. You have discovered your strong points and I am touched by your concern for your loved ones despite your own discomfort. Your book is an inspiration to all who read it and it shall remain your legacy. Keep your faith and God will walk with you all the way
Kit