Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Round 7 : It's a number game.....

After the long Chinese New Year celebration, it's time to check into the hospital again for my scheduled cancer treatments.

As usual, the first order of the day is to submit myself to the blood laboratory to do the blood test. My blood pressure is at 120/80, weight stabilized at 80kg, and with the exception of cancer marker, all the indicators of the blood test are within normal ranges. What worries the doctor is, the cancer market suddenly shot up. The doctor decided to postpone the chemotherapy session, and advised me to go for a Computer Tomography scan of the abdominal area. The objective is to assess and compare the physical size of the tumor and to make better informed decision on next course of action. So, here I go again, admitted to the ward for further test. But I hate the smell and surrounding hospital. Hospital is only for sick people, and I am not a sick person. So, I asked for a home stay leave, and promised to checked back in to the ward first thing in the morning to carry on with the tests prescribed by the doctor.

Looking back, it had been more than half a year I am subjecting myself through all these cancer treatments and hospital visits. What else can I say ? It been really a very frustrating experiences for me all these while. I guess these events are parts and parcels of the long and winding road to the recovery of my health. I presumed this is the extraordinary path I must traverse to gain extraordinary wisdom of life. The guy up there did indeed have a funny and perverted sense of sadism in testing my perseverance and character. Perhaps, to acquire the privilege of hope, I do need to pass these perseverance and character test with flying colour first ! Well, whatever it is, I surrender myself to authority of the almighty. Whatever will be, will be...... But in the mean time, I pray to the almighty to at least strengthen my feeble knees ! Honestly, I am beginning to be very tired, and only God knows how long more I need to walk on these long solitary road before I call it a day....

Honestly, my body has been subjected to a lot of chemical and poison in the name of treatments. If this body is a holy temple where the almighty dwells, then I guess it is about time I command all these agents of mischiefs and sicknesses out from my body, and it is also about time the almighty cleanse this temple now !

“Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span? “ Matthew 6 -26/27

I can go on worrying unnecessary about the tomorrow's and future's outcome, and I don't think indulging in worries is going to help me in anyway in my future outlook. I will take the cue and promises from the good Lord to take or live one day at a time. I will enjoy my today's provisions granted by the good Lord, and let tomorrow not be in my mental vocabulary for the time being ! Mighty Lord, today, I am claiming this entitlements from you. Let me have peace of mind today, and let tomorrow take care of itself.......

As I was flipping through my old notes, I came across this poem from my college days. This simple poem inspired me to complete my 4 years undergraduate studies within 2 years with double majors ! Perhaps the almighty is trying to rekindle my fighting spirit, or perhaps he is testing me again. ( Hey, how many time must I be tested ? ) Whatever it is, I am reproducing this poem here to drum up my motivation and fighting spirit again to win this battle aganst cancer :


If you think you’re beaten, you are;
If you think that you dare not, you don’t.
If you’d like to win, but you think you can’t,
It’s almost a certain you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’ve lost,
For out in the world you find,
Success begins with a person’s will,
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you’re outclassed, you are;
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But soon or later the man who wins
Is the fellow who thinks he can.

Well, can I win this battle against cancer ? I THINK I CAN !!!!! But I also need a little bit of prayers from all of you out there..............

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