Soup of the day....

I received these jokes via email today.

Joke #1
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady near a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.

She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."

I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"

She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon"

I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favourite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.

I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"

She said, "I can't remember where I live!!!!"

Joke #2
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new BMW in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a runaway truck sped by, too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver's door of the BMW.

The lawyer immediately grabbed his mobile phone, dialled 999, and it wasn't more than 5 minutes before a policeman pulled up. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His BMW, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "My God, don't you even realise that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!"

"My God!" screamed the lawyer........... "Where's my Rolex!"