Saturday, June 16, 2007

Saturday's Incoherent Rantings...

What a beautiful Saturday morning ! I woke up to the aromatic breakfast of Curry Mee and hot coffee waiting at the table. I must accord credits to my wife for being sensitive to my every needs !

The last few nights has been super fantastic, I actually have good night sleeps and waking up refreshed. Probably because Buddhism values has been slowly sinking into my head. Personally, since last week, I had adopted a different approach in decision making. I had, and from now on, will continue to make decision based on what I think is best for me and my family, rather than what I think is best to accommodate others. I figured and realized, my responsibilities are towards my family first, and others, second. It would be very unfair for me to let other people's interests dilute my attentions toward my family. Looking back, I had denied a lot privileges to my family, it is about time I asked my family what they wish for, rather than blindly accommodating to the grievances of others.

I had not been fair to myself either. I don't think it is fair for me to save by cutting down entertainments, eating chapfun for lunches, and budget dinners, while others enjoying themselves in nice restaurants and lavish entertainments. Not fair isn't it ? From now on, I am going to spend the money myself - on me and my family. I don't think I am that stupid to the extent that I do not know how to spend my money appropriately. Come to think of it, I never even been to pubs and night clubs, or did anything that are considered "vices". I think it is about time now, I start sampling these flavours of life before the one up there call it a day for me.

My son has indicated to me his desires to go United Kingdom to further his education, I had denied him his desires for the past two years asking him to consider the local options. Because, in the past, looking at future commitment, I am financially incapacited to meet his expectations. Looking back, I do felt a bit inadequate for failing my responsibilities as a father. Now that I have different perspective, I am now not obligated to others. I had also decided that I am not in the business of conducting charities to others at my expenses. But anyway, charity begins at home - my home. With less commitment now, I can definitely reallocate the budget for him to do his final year undergraduate and graduate studies in UK. I guess I have to start saving seriously now in the event my son pop up the question of overseas education again.

It is only been a week since I change my approach in life and adopt a different perspective, the honest truth is, I am beginning to enjoy my life more. Indeed nobody owes me a living, and, I do not owe anybody a living either. I am not being selfish. To those with self centred grievances against me, I had this to say to you. Get a Life, nobody owes you a living. For those that still persist in me being unfair, for a start, to make you feel better, I agreed with all your grievances. Go ahead and make more grievances to seek pities from others. I am not going to waste my time. But, honestly and sincerely, I want to thank them for making me realized my priorities towards my family. Thank you, thank you, thayk you.......

Tomorrow is Father's Day, "Happy Father's Day to all fathers". During my last birthday, my son and daughter pooled to buy me a Dopod. I am keeping my fingers crossed that they will buy me an iTouch tomorrow...........

Om Mani Padme Hum.......... Om Namo Amithaba Buddha

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