Sunday, October 12, 2008

Another week gone by, looking back....

Today is Sunday, as usual, I had my daily “morning walk” for about an hour, then came back home to start my first oral medication at 7:00AM. My daily schedule for medication is 7:00AM, 9:00AM, 10:00Am, 11:00AM, 1:00PM, 3:00PM, 7:00PM, 8:00PM, and 10:00PM. Today is the 18th day of my treatment regime.

My abdominal pains has ease slightly, but my back pain is still persistently uncomfortable. I do hope this discomfort can ease off over the nest few days. I am still optimistic that the situation will improve in due course. I just have to believe and have faith in whatever I do now.

Reflecting on the week that was, I do realized, my decision to adopt alternative treatment is not well accepted by some of my family members. My sister sent me a strongly worded email day before yesterday asking me not to be so stubborn to refuse immediate surgical procedure to remove the tumor. She also reminded me of how my mother died of cancer. To her, alternative medicine is hocus pocus and unscientific. I respected her opinion, I know she loves me very much, and do not want to see me suffer from cancer without proper evidence based medical treatment. Over the past few weeks, everybody have gave me advises and suggestion, I know, all of them meant well and care for my well being. But I am responsible for my own life, I have made my decision based on facts available to me. I will definitely review my decision on what other best options to pursue taking into consideration of my present treatment's progress. One thing sure, I will fight to win, and I will not give up easily. I valued life and I will not let anybody down.

Honestly, the memories of how my mother passed away is indeed the most painful memories of my life. I saw how her well built body was slowly destroyed and frailed by cancer. My mother passed away 15 years ago, but as I go through this dreaded illness, everyday, I am reminded of her sufferings and painful memories. I definitely do not want my loved one and family members go through this emotional experiences again.

Occasionally, with the finality of death hanging over your head, I do experience a lot of pressure dealing with my daily life. Believe me, it is not an easy stuff of self motivation of staying cheerful and positive. Whatever it is, I will not allow the negative energies of pains and uncertainty dissipate out to affect the emotional well being of my wife and children. I know, from now on till I win my battle, I have to held my head high to fight this disease with dignity. I believe, when there is a will, there is a way. I shall willed myself to seek all available resources to confront and seek the best curative actions. Letting death becoming me is definitely not an option. My time is not up yet !

Next Tuesday, I will go for my blood test to measure my performance. The pathological result will probably be out on Thursday. Until then, I will take one thing at a time, and decide my next course of action then.

On Namo Amithaba Buddha...... OmVajrapani Hum...


Anonymous said...

A positive mind does have control over one's body. It's the mind and body working hand in hand. Keep the positive attitude up!

The Peaceful Man said...

CK, I apologize that I have not make it to see you at home for various unavoidable reasons. However my thought has been and will always be with you in my daily prayers and meditation. I get to know your positive progress from Guat Lan whenever she and Pin visited you. I can tell you this, your positive mental strength and clear consciousness will win over all the negative energy. It is very positive to see your unwavering faith. Hold on to the faith and divine will take care of the rest.

My friend, I will drop by as soon as my flu and cough subside. Take care.

Seong Fook