Reflections : Life with Cancer

When I was told that I had cancer at the pancreas, my mind went blank. I refused to believe, in a state of denial, and at the same time in silent despair. Words simply can not describe how I felt over the next few days. For the first time in my life, I never felt so alone and helpless. For the first time in my life, in the quietness of the night, when I was alone, I cried.

I realized, I must come to term with the reality. I still need to be the pillar for my family. I simply cannot allow my weaknesses and negative emotions affect the emotional well beings of my wife and children. Life must go on, I must be strong for them, and that's life.

I know this is a beginning of a tough journey to restore my health. Whether I overcome this illness or not, one thing for sure, life would never be the same again for me. I pray to the Almighty to give me a second chance to restore normalcy to my life.

I count my blessing that during my times of difficulties, my relatives and friends rallied to support me. I felt so lucky to have my family showering me with prayer, care, concern, and love. It is also during this period that I discover my inner strength to confront and manage my health problem. I am proud of myself for the courage and rationality to face the consequent with objectivity. At the same time, on the day to day basis, I also felt a very strange calmness within me in dealing with pains, anxieties, and uncertainties. I know, the Almighty has sent his angels to surround me and guide me through my time of difficulties. He makes way for me when everything seemed so hopeless. I praise the Almighty for his grace and generosity. Putting rationality aside, I know, I must now also have greater faith in the Almighty.

Over the previous two week, I had also felt the miraculous power of the Almighty. I am humbled by the good blessings he bestowed on me. I have not seen Lord Jesus, But I BELIEVE he will guide me to embrace a new purpose in life, and to be a better man.

In the past, I had been arrogant in dealing with matter before me. I had always look at life at the my own perspective, at my own convenient, and my own interpretation of rationality. Between faith and reason, spirituality has always been the last of my priority. In this regard, on my bended knee, I humbly seek forgiveness from the all loving Almighty and Lord Jesus Christ.

October 28th 2008 shall be a very meaningful day for the rest of my life. On this day, I accept and surrender myself to Lord Jesus Christ. This shall also be a new beginning for me to acquire new wisdom in life, and new determination to heal my body and soul.

I know, it is going to be a long road ahead in my quest to regain my health. Come what may, I will face the best of times, and the worst of times with courage and positivities. I know, with greater control of my mind, and stronger faith in spirituality, I shall overcome. That's life.......