Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Round Two : My hour glass ?

Yesterday, I had a very eerie dream. In my dream, I saw a female ghost walking into my house. The ghost is about 4 feet tall, long hair, and dressed in grayish black robe. Are all ghosts supposed to look as scary as this ? I summon all my inner strength, shouted as loud as possible, asking the ghost to leave. I told the ghost that if she had a score to settle with me, please settle it with me, and stop coming to my house to disturb my family members. And POOOHHHHH... she just disappeared! My God, am I slowly losing control over my state of sanity ?

The past one week has been predictably mild and quiet. After the chemo treatment, my body immune system is at its weakest. I was advised to stay indoor and avoid crowded places. Luckily, I was not infected with any infectious disease such as flu, cold, etc.

The intensity of the pains at my abdominal and back is getting more frequents and severely uncomfortable. Now, I had to resort to pain killer to contain the dissipation of pains to my whole body. For the past few days, I had been in a very drowsy state dozing off on the lazy chair. I hope the situation will improve over the next few days. It is frustrating to be unproductive and slowly losing control of your body.

My appetite for food is still very bad. Probably the previous regime of medication has destroyed my taste buds. There is simply no urge to eat any food that is presented to me, and every time I took a bite, I felt like throwing out. But I also realized I need to take sufficient red meat and protein to build up my red blood cells to prepare for the next chemo treatment. I will think of something to arrest this problem later.

My wife ordered a range of Eusana herb products to compliment my chemo treatment. Due to my experience with the previous alternative treatment, I now have phobia for tablets and capsules. Looking at those bottles of medication, not again ! Well, whatever it is, I got to stay calm, and stay cheerful.

This evening, the kind people from the DUMC church arranged by Pastor Gan is taking me to the church for healing prayer. I do hope spirituality can provide me the moral boaster. Whatever it is, it is my obligation to prepare my mind, body, and spirit to the highest level to launch holistic counter attacks against the those uninvited nasty looking cancer cells in my body.

Honestly, looking forward, I don't really know how much sands is left in the hour glass. Unpredictable as it may, I will take life one day at a time, look forward to many more days to come. Come what may, I will have to face the worst of times and the best of times.

Dad & Mom, I am very tired..........

6 comments:

dawnypoh said...

Hey Kai Yeh,
We will always be there to offer you moral support. Stay strong. God will bless you

Anonymous said...

Benny

Keep up your fighting spirit. Have faith in the Lord. Remember,
" If God be with you, who can be against you". I suggest your read positive books and talk to positive people to reinforce your belief and commitment to fight the battle all the way to win. To win for yourself, to win for your family, your friends and all cancer victims. Prove to them, your mind, spirit and will along with the faith in God will bring back your health and life.

KS Cheah said...

Bro,

When I underwent my angioplasty after heart failure, and with my whole world crashing down on me, I remember my sister told me; "...your body is stronger than you think!"

Somehow that gave me a helpful perspective.

You know me too well as a non-religious man, but I believe your parents hear you bro; just like I believe and want to believe Jeannie is always with me:

http://nocturnal-mind.blogspot.com/2008/10/trying-to-make-sense-of-it-all-final.html

My best wishes as usual...

KS

The Peaceful Man said...

DB, with a mind as clear as yours; a will as strong as yours and with a divine faith that never give in, there is no way that God will give up on you. Keep fighting my friend. I will keep praying for you.

Buddha said...

Keep strong. You have too much to offer. Stay in the light, think positive and be happy and enjoy every minute!
Be loved!

Susan said...

Hi,
Sorry to hear about your condition. Met you once and I can see that you've lost so much weight. Just a suggestion, you may like to check out this place call Eco Paradise. It may help you, without any pills or medication. It has everything to do with antioxidant. Please, have a look at it and do a research. Go to www.ecoparadise.com.my.

Take care.

Susan
saini_susan@yahoo.co.uk