About pains and discomforts

I had trouble sleeping yesterday night. I was not indulging in unnecessary fears, anxieties, or whatever negative emotions. The whole night, I was troubled by pain at my back and abdominal area. I tried to be very calm, took deep breaths, but the pains and body discomforts kept me awake, even when I managed to doze off, the pains kept waking me up again and again. It is frustrating to be bothered by this inability to have good sleep.

This is probably one of the worst attack of pain and discomfort I encountered so far. The psychological impact of the pain is so overwhelming that I have difficulty swallowing or chewing my foods, I lost my appetite for foods today. I tried to control the pains and discomforts, but end up at the losing end. It is humiliating not being able to use my mind to exercise control over my body.

I woke up this morning tired and in foul mood. The pains and discomforts are still there, and the whole morning and afternoon, I encountered non stop attacks of sharp pulling pains at the back of my body. I tried to do fast pace walking around the housing estate in the morning, trying my level best to increase the intake of oxygen and stretching my muscle to overcome the pains. I also tried to do some strenuous gardening works with the hope of tiring down my body and thus divert my attention from the physical discomforts. But the pain has been very persistent and at times unbearable. I felt like my body is splitting into two. I guess this is one of the few occasions where my mind lose control over my body. I do wonder whether my condition has deteriorated. I do felt like giving up, but I know, surrendering is not my option. Not matter how unbearable the situation is, it is my obligation to fight on, I really do not want to behave like a coward in the eyes of my children.

I fought to control the pains, and I did fought hard. I contain myself in the room in the afternoon, lying on hard surface, to practice deep breathing exercises. Luckily, probably due to lack of sleep the night before, and the strenuous morning exercise, while in the midst of doing the breathing exercise, I unconsciously drifted into a much welcome sleep for probably an hour or so. I woke up much more relaxed and in better control of my mind and body. I thank the Almighty for soothing my tired body and lessen my pains.

Throughout the remaining of the day, though the pains and discomforts still lingered on, but it was much more bearable. But whatever it is, honestly, I do hate cancer ! I will make sure I will fight them with everything I have. I will make these unwelcome cancer cells pay a price for their uninvited attack on my body. Sooner or later, I will exterminate all of them and purge them out of my body for good. I will fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight........................ I know, as long as I don't lose faith in my spontaneous self healing ability to recover my health, sooner or later, I will be well soon, free from all those unwelcome pains and discomforts, be able to sleep and eat better, and enjoy my daily life in the company of family members and friends.

I hope tonight the pains and discomforts do not attack me again. All I want is just a good night sleep ! My dear Almighty heavenly father, would you see to it that I have a good sleep and rest tonight ?