笑看風雨

I had not been to office for quite sometimes, but last month, I received an anonymous email giving details of a personnel conducting moon lighting business in the office, I verified the information, and found the allegation to be true. Surprisingly, I was not angry at all. I had been bothered by the high overheads in the office and was trying to find a humane way to cut down head counts, the incident gave me the needed ammunition to persuade the involved personnel to resign voluntarily. Before the personnel resign, he informed me that he is not alone, but was assisted by another staff to siphon business away from the company. I am indeed amazed by human characters, in good times, they called themselves brothers, but when cornered, they are wiling to sacrifice each other. And, that gave me another legitimate inspirations to further reduce the head count in the office. But don't get me wrong, I did not fire the second personnel ! All I did is, go to the office, ask the staff this question. “You know, actually I am very sad that when I am away on medical leave, there is a personnel taking opportunity to sabotage the company. Suppose you were me, what will you do when a staff are abusing company facilities and times to siphon business away from the company ?” He took the clue, and resign the following week. Sometimes, the Almighty does work in a miraculous way ! Well, I got rid of two dishonest personnel easily and at the same times achieve my objective of trimming down the costs of operations.

Honestly, I had lost all interests in the business since I was diagnosed with my present illness. I had been involved in this business for more than 15 years, and now, I had lost the enthusiasms of running and maintaining it. In the process of maintaining the business, a big part of my youth has gone. Looking back, there are always some happy moments, and there are also challenging moments. I can still vividly remember some of this wonderful moments, but, there are also some not so happy moments I choose to forget. I count my blessing that, the business allow me the opportunities to acquire some basic luxuries of life, putting my children through the college, and the acquisition of some real assets for raining days. Of course, the business also accord me the wisdom of understanding the various extremities of human natures. I honestly believed I overstayed my welcome in the industry, and would be glad to hand over ownership of the company to anybody who is willing to take over the responsibility from me. Whatever it is, as much as I want to dissociate myself from this responsibilities, I will never force my will unnecessarily onto others, I will take it easy and let nature take it course.

I had different perspective in life now. In the past, I worked hard to defend my livelihoods and desired to earn unlimited incomes for more secured and future financial comforts. But since I was diagnosed with this chronic illness, I questioned my priority in life, and realized my purpose in life is not about satisfying my material desires and securing future financial security. My purpose is to live life meaningfully and cherish every moment of it. I take inspiration from the Lord's prayer which states that “Give us this day or daily bread...” and “forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sins against us...” The Almighty will provide sufficient daily provisions to us. That is the Almighty's promise, and his words will not be returned to him void ! Why then are we still so preoccupied in wanting to make tomorrow's incomes today, and in the process made our lives miserables and corrupted ? I had also learned to eliminate negative emotional burden by letting go of hatreds and the unproductive desires of seeking revenge against those who betrayed me. I will be a hypocrite if I refused to forgive those who sin against me but expecting the Almighty to forgive my sin. The change in expectation and perspective of life has actually made me a man contented with his surrounding. I just want to live my remaining days of life in peace and joy. I believed, the Almighty will be graceful enough to grant me this desires.

I do wish I have the wisdom to inspire others to live an ethical life and the courage to live through life's difficult patches. But as an insignificant soul, it is not up to me to alter the course of my destiny. I believed, the Almighty shall lead and reveal to me my purpose incrementally as I walk this passage of life. Looking back, this passage of life has been a colorful journey of passions, colors, and spices of life, would you be able to keep all those spices of life in a special corner of your heart, and cherish the memories forever ? I looked at life this way, even in a state of motionless, life in itself is a journey in perpetual motion of time and space. Looking back, this journey leaves behind behind a trail of good times and bad times, As we move forward, those good times and bad times became memories, remained a thing of the past, and slowly fading away into insignificant.

Life in itself is a many splendor things. Let us live for the day and not unduly burdened with the uncertainty of tomorrow. Whatever that is going to happen, it will happen for a purpose. Don't waste your time repeatedly asking “Why me ?” or “Why US ?” Let us accept whatever that has been unfolded with a sense of serenity as part and parcel of our life's passage, so that, in tomorrow, we can look back to today as memories. While our mental capacity is still capable, let us count our blessing that we are still able to cherish those memories from the past.

Like it or not, I am almost half a century old, how long can I go on in this illusory world of materialisms ? I need a new perspective and a renewed spiritual commitment in search of a new paradise in my deluded mind....... Oh mighty Lord, will you help me to find me ? Let me not dream that impossible dream. I look at life differently now, I am the best at being worst, and let me be.

Well, I can go on with all these incoherent rantings........ but I need to take my medication NOW !!! Sayonara....