Friday, June 27, 2008

Who Am I ?

I had my burning idealism and motivation guided by a common principle that nobody owed me a living. I worked hard, not out of necessity, but to ensure I do not have to depend on others to care for my financial wellbeing, and also to ensure that people around me can depend on me to have basic comforts if the needs arise. Personally, I also believe in doing good to people without asking for returns. I want to live a simple life with genuine friends, seek not wealth, recognition, status, and not to unduly worried about the future.

I have gave up my career to be with my family. I know, job comes and goes. If I lost a job today, I can always find a new job tomorrow. If my office lost me as an employee, the company can always find a better replacement to take over my functions and responsibilities. But if I lost my loved one, I would never be able to find a replacement. Likewise, if my loved one lost me, it would be a permanent emotional scar on their hearts.

Perhaps, these were simple aspirations from a deluded man man who selfishly intend to remain status quo without major disruptions in his life. But, those were aspirations when I was young. Time has changed, the surrounding has changed, and people around me have also changed. I am also not what I used to be – I have changed ! Looking forward and reminiscing the past, I guess the only thing that will always remain CONSTANT is CHANGE.

In the past, I denounced racism and discrimination, I hate religious intolerances, I despised cultural imposition, I had my hatreds toward insincere and dishonest people, and many negativities which are unacceptable in my reality. In life, if you preoccupied yourself with negativities, negativities will consumed you in the end. In my eagerness to right the wrongs, I became what I tried to right. The fact is, I became an oxymoron exists in the Grey area of a two dimensional black and white reality. I had unknowingly charted my stupidity of making life uninteresting for myself !

I guess, the collections of life's experiences enriched me with the wisdom to have a philosophical approach to adapt to life. Now that I am a salmon on a reverse journey, my perceptions and responses to life have also change. I will let adaptive instinct to lead me to whatever direction it dictate, I will not be burdened by my conscious efforts to decide the eventualities. For better or worst, I will let the future surprise me. Am I making the right decision or right effort ? I do not know. Times will tell, and times will right all wrongs.

One thing for sure, I lived a very blessed life. The good angels has been overly kind to me, they graced me with the blessings to live life as it is.

From now to “eternity”, what do I want from life ? Well, I will take more time out to smell the flowers. I will definitely hope to be able to have more times to sip my coffee, enjoy whatever foods that are presented to me, feel the liveliness of the fresh air, see more sun rises, and be awed by the beauty of sunsets. It will be a bonus if the good angels can also grant me the opportunity to carry the children of my children on my lap, and the time to tell my grandfather stories.

Who am I in this life ? The question is, who wants to know and who bothers ? Whatever it is, we are not what we used to be, we are not what we want to be, and we are not what others want us to be. So, be fair to yourself, and be fair to others. Live life as it is, what ever will be, will be.

Namo Amithaba Buddha.........

1 comment:

KSCheah said... need to change for the sake of change itself. Confucius said: "Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change"

He also said, "If we don't know life, how can we know death?"