Thursday, September 06, 2007

Managing angers with vindictive passions ?

Life, at times, is like a journey on a roller coaster with a bag full of emotional parameters. It has its peaks and valleys, as well as its fun and let-downs. Looking back, all of us had our fair share of emotional experiences, some are good, some are not so good, some we would like to forget, and some we would like it to linger on forever. Of all these emotionality, at times, I am amazed how I dealt with “angers”. I am stronger than I think !

What is anger ? I do not know how other people define anger. But to me, anger is usually an internally generated negative feelings instigated by other people. I know I am in a state of anger when I have a strong feelings of irritation, impatient, and a strong urge to locate and exterminate the source that cause these uneasy feelings. I have no problem dealing with anger itself because I manage how my angers are expressed, if and ever I do expressed it. Judging from past occurrences, it is not pleasant whenever my anger is manifested on people who triggered it. The positive thing about my so called negative emotion is, it usually doesn’t last long, and I am easily reconciled with the comfort feelings that the causes had been exterminated. I made quick decision to resolve the problem, usually by evicting the people who causes my anger out from my mind, and from my physical presence. I am in a way, seemed to acquired the ability to erase memories associated with those people from my mind, and instantly marginalized them as unwelcome strangers. No stress, and life goes on.

Expressions of my anger maybe unpleasant to others, but, as a civilized and educated person, I managed my emotion in order not to involve in physical aggressions or verbal confrontations. It is never my intention to let anger lingered in mind any longer than it should be. Life is too short to indulge in unproductive negative emotions. Anger is detrimental to my mental and physical well being, so I usually made quick decision to get even in other “civilized positive revenges”. I don’t get MAD, I get EVEN. Don’t blame me for my nastiness. In the first place, I did not ask for it, I am merely deflecting anger in other forms to the source. Bearing in mind that one is always heir of one's deeds. My actions are to make sure the fruits of one deeds is ripen in the shortest possible time for the instigators. I perceived this as the natural law of conservation of energies to defend my well beings. Funny thing is, I actually enjoy the process of deflecting back the energies associated with anger back to the source. At times, it is a great form of mental relaxations for me.

What constitute “civilized positive revenge” ? One thing for sure, I will never resort to physical violence, verbal noises, or any form of direct confrontations. I used indirect means of reciprocating to get even. In a way, I controlled my anger and plan my actions with achievable objectives within legal limits. Yes, I am a vindictive and poisonous man but I also believe in appropriate sense of justice, I made sure people who caused me emotional discomforts paid the penalty for their own misdeeds. I wish no malice towards any one and I mean no harms to others if other do no harms to me. I do not believe in being forgiving or being lenient in my actions, why should I allow myself to be in a position for abuses repeatedly ? Every action has a reaction. I have every right to control and direct that reaction in any which way I see fit to gleefully claim my redemption.

Don’t get me wrong, I do not hate people who caused me anger. To hate is a burden, and I am educated enough to know that, it is not worth the while to waste my precious time to hate insignificant people. But it is definitely worth the while to entertain myself with the process of my controlled reactions. My most practical strategy has always been, to make swift decision to eliminate causes of my anger immediately. If I am incapable to take immediate actions, I will write down what actions I will take in the future. After which, I erase those people from my memories, and move on with other productive ventures. No doubt, hate has always been an end product of anger, to counter these negative energies, I manifest sincere love to the enemies of those people who created angers in me, and let others do the works for me.

I am a Buddhist, I am also aware of the teaching that “"Not to do any evil, to cultivate good, to purify one's mind, this is the teaching of the Buddha". I would definitely want to be a good Buddhist. I sincerely do not think that reciprocal non-aggressive “positive revenge” is a bad deed. Simply put, it is acceptable to do unto others in a reciprocal and indirect way what others do unto me. I believe I am doing a good deeds by making sure ill intent people reaped what they sow. So, whenever I resolved my anger with my little “positive revenges”, I would usually sit in the quiet corner of my room or office to recite this prayer :

May all beings be free from harm and danger.
May all beings be free from mental sufferings.
May all beings be free from physical sufferings.
May all beings take care of themselves happily.
May all beings be well and happy.

I am a merely a practical human being trying to adapt to this increasingly insane world. At the end of the day, it really doesn’t bother me whether I become a nasty person or otherwise. I will let the environment nurtured the outcome. I may not be fully aware of my state of mind. But, I will do my level best to lead an ethical life, not to have ill intents on others, not to interfere with the life of others, and passionately defend my rights to live life as it is, as practical as possible, and as unpretentious as possible. I live for today with the hope that almighty take care of tomorrow for me.

I admit, I am a flawed man with my perverted and oxymoronic sense of justice. As much as I care for others, I need to take note that, I am responsible for myself, if I am wronged, it is my rights to direct actions to right the wrongs rationally without the attachment of emotions.

Be nice to me, I will be a benevolent man to you. But if you direct ill intents at me, I will not waster energies to get angry, I will make sure you suffer satanic consequences !!!!

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